The Pink Panther Snipes Again

Bad Movie Reviews with a Touch of Snark

Super Bowl Sunday: A Time for Lesbian Alien Romance

6 Comments

While the rest of ‘Murica watches the Super Bowl, what am I doing? Reviewing movies about lesbians from outer space. Duh.

The Film:

Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same

Where to Watch:

Netflix

The Premise:

Lesbian space aliens whose uncontrolled emotions have destroyed the ozone layer of their planet arrive on Earth to overcome their feelings.

The Trailer:

The Uncondensed Version:

Our film opens with a therapy session in which Earthling Jane describes a note that reads “What are you doing later?” dropping out of the sky. The therapist suggests these fantasies prevent her from acting on her desires; she is unable to put herself out there and talk to other women.

Cut to an alien news broadcast covering the destruction of ozone in the planet’s atmosphere: when feelings of love become too intense, they leave the body and destroy the ozone layer. The aliens Zylar, Barr, and Zoinx, whose feelings threaten the ozone, must be sent to Earth to prevent further damage. By spending time with Earthlings and having their hearts broken, they will be numb and unable to love anymore.

Meanwhile, these MIB types are on a stakeout, presumably on the lookout for any lesbian alien activity (this film is not a porno, I promise).

As soon as she arrives on Earth, Zylar places a personal ad reading (you guessed it) “codependent lesbian space alien seeks same,” which gets her quite a few more dates than you might imagine. However, they are not particularly successful dates as Zylar is (understandably) a bit strange.

Zoinx, on the other hand, wanders into the stationery store where Jane works, hoping to purchase a radio transmitter. Jane finds Zoinx delightfully quirky, and the two go on a date together. (My cat sat on my lap at this point, which suggests he was rooting for Jane and Zoinx as a couple.) After going to a movie, they head back to Jane’s place. Zoinx asks “Is it permissible for me to touch you?” and touches Jane’s nose. (HOT LESBIAN ACTION.)

Apologies to all internet creeps who were actually looking for hot lesbian action. This is about as hardcore as this movie and blog get.

Apologies to all internet creeps who were actually looking for hot lesbian action. This is about as hardcore as this movie and blog get.

As we discover, Zylar and Barr were in a relationship, but they’re trying to move on. They don’t actually want to be heartbroken, so they just try to be sad. For example, the indifference of a revolving dessert tray is sad in the way that “the cheesecake comes towards us and then revolves away.” Pretty devastating.

Barr wants to be in a committed relationship, but Zylar has started vlogging about her various relationships. In her vlog, she tells one of her lovers “I said I would meet your family, but I didn’t think we’d be going out this long.” Barr discovers Zylar’s online presence after she brings her cheesecake, which is a pretty fucking romantic gesture if you ask me.

Meanwhile, the MIB keep tabs on Jane and Zoinx. The two ladies are on a date at Coney Island. As the MIB watch they discuss what exactly constitutes a lesbian date, Boston cream donuts, as well as the Little Mermaid-themed wedding of the older officer. Apparently children weren’t allowed at the wedding: “We made sure everyone had a great time by not forcing them to spend time with children.” Pure genius.

After Jane and Zoinx leave Coney Island, there’s an incredibly awkward shower scene; Zoinx doesn’t take off her collar.

Not sure which is more awkward:  Zoinx's facial expression or her refusal to take off the collar.

Not sure which is more awkward: Zoinx’s facial expression or her refusal to take off the collar.

Later Jane tells Zoinx she has a gift for her: a mug with “Zoinx” written on it (which initially said “Zoe,” but Jane she painted over the rest of the letters). They go to a movie together, but Zoinx is very distant. At this point, Zoinx confesses she’s a space alien; she wanted to tell Jane earlier, but she thought it would be too difficult to believe. Funnily enough, Jane has no trouble believing Zoinx is an alien.

Suddenly, the aliens are called back to their planet since it’s been discovered that it’s not emotion destroying the ozone layer, but the sun reflecting on their bald heads.   Zylar seems to be up to her usual antics and goes on a dating show. On this show, two men have to guess which answer to a series of questions belongs to each participant. This is actually all part of Zylar’s plan to communicate with Zoinx that they’ll be returning to their planet.

Bonus points if you can guess which one was Zylar's answer!

Bonus points if you can guess which one was Zylar’s answer!

The MIB attempt to intercept the aliens before their journey home. The younger guy who is kind of a jackass suddenly starts shimmering. When they spot the aliens, he deliberately fails to follow them; the other guy gets out of the car to pursue them on foot, but they escape. Ultimately, the jerk MIB guy just sort of disappears at the end. (WHAT.)

All of the aliens leave Earth in their extremely low-budget UFO, and Jane decides to leave with them in order to be with Zoinx.

Not sure if UFO or burrito...

Not sure if UFO or burrito…

The Critique:

This movie was a pleasant surprise. It’s obviously very low-budget, but it takes advantage of that to create some really funny awkward pauses and strange dialogue.

It embraces the strangeness without falling into the po-mo hipster bullshit category.

The Rating:

Small Pink PantherSmall Pink PantherSmall Pink PantherSmall Pink Panther 4/5 Pink Panther Heads

For once, I have nothing else to add. I approve of this film.

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Author: jilliansheilas

I like books, bad movies, bothering my cats, and Herbert Lom. Sometimes I behave like an information professional.

6 thoughts on “Super Bowl Sunday: A Time for Lesbian Alien Romance

  1. Okay, firstly, you are my new fantasy movie watching date. Hands down.

    And b), this film sounds near perfect. I had never heard of it but it sounds amazing. I enjoyed the quote about not allowing children at the wedding and the fact your cat had clear cut opinions on who he was rooting for.

    More of the same please x

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, you are MY fantasy movie watching date.
      If I am ever organized enough to plan ahead, we could totally have a virtual movie watching date, aka both review the same movie and publish same day?
      You don’t even have to buy me dinner.
      😉 😉 😉
      Accept our love, internet.
      But yes, I had never heard of this one either. I think it was recommended to me after watching FDR: American Badass(?). For once, Netflix was spot-on with the recommendations. You are truly a gift from the gods, Netflix.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Um yes! What a truly excellent idea! Shall we try to make it happen? We could shortlist a handful and give ourselves a window to watch it and write our reviews? Amazing idea!

        Also, Netflix is like my favouritist thing ever but it’s a destructive love I think. And I don’t even care x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Seriously, WordPress? Is it not possible to reply to a reply???
    I don’t know if WordPress will notify you since it doesn’t want to let me reply directly to your comment? If not, I will come to your blog and bother you.
    I am so pumped for collaborative critiquing/virtual movie date!!!
    Obviously Ginger Snaps is a possibility b/c Ginger Snaps is always a possibility.
    Sadly, not available on Netflix.
    Some Netflix options: Frankenstein’s Army, Hellraiser II, Grabbers? If it’s not already apparent, I will watch anything and everything.

    Like

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