Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews, Uncategorized

We Are Still Here, or: Home Sweet Funeral Home

Gorgeous Ladies of the Blog Collab continues!  Not for the first (or presumably last) time, we spend some time in a remote house that may or may not be haunted.  Spoiler alert:  it’s haunted.

The Film:

We Are Still Here

Where to Watch:

Netflix

The Uncondensed Version:

It’s the ’70s, which becomes clear through costuming and the really sketchy dudes with thick ‘staches and aviator frames.  Anne and Paul, having recently lost their son, make the informed decision to move to a creepy house in a remote area along the East Coast.  Things get a little strange right away when Anne claims to feel Bobby’s presence in the house, but Paul pretty quickly dismisses this as nonsense.

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Thus the game of how quickly I would’ve been driving away from that house at high speeds begins.

  1.  After a framed picture Bobby hated falls and breaks?  Obviously, yes.
  2. When the smell of smoke emanating from the cellar refuses to go away?  Ugh, so out of there.
  3. After the insanely sinister neighbors pay a visit?  OUT.  SO FAR OUT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
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First sign these are horrible neighbors:  didn’t even bake cookies.

So the neighbors are special people who reveal the charming story of how the shady old house belonged to the Dagmars, who owned and operated a funeral home (naturally).  They were driven out of town by the locals after it turned out they sold the bodies of the deceased and cremated empty caskets.  All of this is punctuated by dead giveaway lines like “It’s been 30 years since we’ve had fresh souls in the house” and “It’s still Dagmar’s house,” along with a note that straight up tells the new owners to get out.

In an ill-advised decision to bring more people into the line of fire, Anne invites her son’s college roommate and his family to the house.  The parents, May and Jacob, believe they have a major connection to the spirit world.  Perhaps they’ll be able to reach Bobby?

However, it becomes clear pretty quickly that whatever is in the house is most definitely not Bobby.  Sadly, for the poor contractor who comes to take care of that freshly cremated smell, this realization comes too late.  He becomes our first victim of creepy burnt to a crisp ghost/demon that lurks in the basement.

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Séances are all good fun until someone loses an eye…

So things aren’t off to a great start when the local bar is called Buffalo Bill’s Lounge.  Presumably after the outlaw rather than the women’s skin DIY-er, but still.  The family arrives, and it turns out that being a skeptic isn’t enough to save you in this scenario.

By the time the group gets around to holding a séance, their ranks have thinned considerably.  With about 20 minutes or so left, our rather slow burning film takes a turn for the violently gory, which feels somehow satisfying and jarring at the same time.  Word of advice:  don’t watch this while eating dinner.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Eh, I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling this one.  It took me a long time to get invested in this, and I didn’t really ever care what happened to the characters.  However, major props to the neighbor with his Scooby Doo routine, who was the highlight of the film to me.  I did also enjoy the incredibly gory finale even if there were some truly nauseating moments.  The ’70s setting was a nice tribute to classic slasher films and provided a surprising amount of period detail.

On the other hand, some really cliché lines of dialogue about all of the death and darkness tended to take me right out of the creepiness.  Not a bad film overall, but I was hoping to feel more engaged with it.

Was Christa still here at the end of this one or did she book it as fast as any sane person would have at the start?  Find out here!

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4 thoughts on “We Are Still Here, or: Home Sweet Funeral Home”

  1. I don’t know why I felt so much for the couple but I did. Sad that this was a slow burner for you but as we know only too well, you can’t win them all! Was stoked about a Lisa Marie cameo, she fits the GLOTBC criteria to a tee as far as I’m concerned x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Further evidence that my heart is made of stone. 😉
      IDK, maybe it’s just the grumpy mood I’m in? This would usually be the kind of thing that would be up my alley, but it just struck out for me for whatever reason.
      I really expected the neighbor who was all “leave this place” to be a red herring, but it was kind of refreshing how straightforwardly malicious he was.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not at all! Maybe it’s evidence of my hormonal state that I liked it so much? It was rather slow. I can’t quite figure out why Dave killed his wife though, was it just in an angry rage? He should have had more to do to be honest but I loved his callousness x

        Liked by 1 person

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