Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Selfie from Hell, or: Horror Hodge-Podge

After a summer hiatus of nearly a month(!), we are back in the swing of things.  Appropriately, we mark our return to the blog collab with bad, low-budget horror.

The Film:

Selfie from Hell

The Premise:

Julia is a Youtube star, Instagram influencer, and all-around social media sensation.  That is, until she takes a selfie…FROM HELL.

The Ramble:

Ready to get away from it all and spend some time bonding with her cousin Hannah, social media pro Julia is ready to chill.  After Hannah picks her up from the airport, Julia becomes mysteriously panicked at the mention of her boyfriend, and even more freaked out at the suggestion of taking a selfie.  What gives?  Has her selfie-ing awakened a demonic presence that is now stalking her?  Seems like the logical conclusion, eh?

two young women sit in a car, one holding a cell phone as the other reaches for it

Before Julia has even had the chance to enjoy a nice cuppa at Hannah’s house, she senses something is wrong and begins to selfie.  In selfie mode, she manages to get a glimpse of a dark shadowy figure behind her…creeeeeeeeeepy!

Julia’s fun is cut short when she collapses suddenly, falling ill with what seems to be a very high fever.  Despite her condition, Julia appears to keep texting Hannah eerie messages and voice recordings.  Putting on her sleuthing cap, Hannah digs up some articles and disturbing images that reveal Julia’s death…?  In her final Youtube vid, Julia warns others not to view 13 selfies under any circumstances.

a young woman sits at an outside table, holding a cell phone

After becoming convinced someone else is in the house, Hannah brings her online hacker friend, Trevor, into the loop.  With Trevor’s help, Hannah manages to lurk around on the dark web, searching for the site with 13 selfies.  When she stumbles across the 13 selfies she’s absolutely not supposed to watch, guess what she immediately does.  Hannah also manages to give away all of her personal information to a cyberstalker, who insists he’s the only one who can help her.

a young man and woman in a dark room lean over a cell phone

Shocker–it turns out creepy internet lurker also has very dark connections to a demonic selfie monster.  Will Hannah live to selfie another day?

The Rating:

1.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Even though this was an objectively terrible, nonsensical film, I just can’t be bothered to give it 1 PPH.  I didn’t hate it, it was just very meh.  And you know what they say about the opposite of love as indifference.

There is virtually no set up to kick off this film, so it’s very hard to care about the characters or even remember their names.  We do get some super vague backstory about Hannah’s mom dying a year ago, and Julia being there in her hour of need…but so what?  I was hoping there would be some kind of connection to the horror elements Hannah and Julia faced, but this film just wasn’t organized enough for that.

I found this to be a bit of a horror genre mash-up–we had the house intruder trope, demonic possession, torture porn, psychotic kidnapper.  None of these were done particularly well, though there were some creepy dimly-lit house scenes and sinister selfies.

Would Christa pull a duck face and selfie with this one or crop it out of her profile pic?  Find out by reading her review here!

an extremely tall woman looks into the window of a house
Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, or: Feminist(?) Rage

Catching up on classics is my favorite thing to do during Blog Free or Die Hard month, and this one has been leaving an approximately 50 foot hole in my heart.

The Film:

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

Where to Watch:

Hoopla

The Uncondensed Version:

It’s not a good time to be in 1950s California—for more reasons than one.  The primary reason being a comet rapidly speeding towards the area, which turns out be a…glowing alien orb?  With a giant alien ghost who has a fondness for diamonds.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  To understand the complex drama unfolding in this film, let’s back up just a little bit.

a large glowing white orb sits on the ground in front of a parked car at night
A practical and aesthetically pleasing UFO.

Nancy Archer is the first person in town to stumble across the crashed UFO, having just stormed angrily out of the bar where her husband, Harry, was sleazily flirting with his mistress.  Harry would leave his wife except that would mean sacrificing her inheritance and the cushy life he’s grown accustomed to.  As Nancy has a vague history of mental illness, including a sanatorium stay following violent headaches and…falling down(?), it wouldn’t take much for Harry to get her committed for good.

Conveniently, Nancy runs to the police to report her alien sighting, where she is pretty much dismissed as a raving drunk.  And cautioned against wearing diamonds because they might tempt thieves.  Fucking hell.  Is it any wonder she’s going to get super angry (spoiler)?

a woman holding a glass looks angry while standing in a living room
RAGE.

Nancy and Harry obviously have a really unhealthy relationship—if unclear before her return home, it is written out when Harry confronts her.  Harry threatens to leave her, which is what supposedly drove her crazy before.  In a really condescending scene, he tucks her in for bed and goes out drinking again.

However, Nancy’s rest is short-lived as the local news is giving a lot of attention to her alien sighting and making pretty fucking rude jokes about finally finding a man to love her.  Fuck off, men.  Determined to prove her sanity, she goes out to the desert and encounters the alien once again.  Her encounter with the alien leaves her in a coma due to radiation…(?) for some reason.  It also turns her into (spoiler spoiler spoiler) a 50 foot woman.

a woman wearing a white bikini knocks down a large structure
Everything else was in the wash…

Mandatory scientist with a pipe and incomprehensible German try to figure out what’s going on, reaching the conclusion that women who mature become irrational like middle-aged men.  JFC, dudes.  To cure her, they will need Harry’s permission to operate.  Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

In spite of Harry’s best efforts, Nancy does finally wake up and all hell breaks loose.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is one of the early examples in horror where you are just waiting for a specific character to die…but honestly the payoff doesn’t feel worth it.  No one is supposed to come off squeaky clean in this one (at least none of our 3 leads), though my biggest problem with Nancy is that she didn’t crush more skulls.  I really wanted her rampage to be more satisfying and I would have been okay with more or potentially all men dying.  In painful ways, which makes me feel conflicted about the person I’ve become.

Frankly, for a movie entitled Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, the aforementioned 50 foot woman really has very little screen time, and her attack is quite mild.  Does not live up to the poster.  Next time I’d like her to destroy the foundations of our society or at least raze an entire town.

Did Christa embrace the rage here or…let’s be real, there is no other option.  Read her thoughts on this one here!

a group of four backpackers on a hill looks at the English countryside below
Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Backtrack, or: I Do Nazi the Point of This Movie

So maybe you’ve thought off-hand that you must have done something terrible in a past life to deserve a series of lamentable circumstances in the present.  Like…the global political climate, for example.  Perhaps as you’ve considered this possibility, you’ve used a series of clichéd expressions and non-sequiturs to frame what is already something of a cliché.  That’s this film in a nutshell…with Nazis.  And, coincidentally, we must have all offended the forces of the universe to deserve this movie.

The Film:

Backtrack:  Nazi Regression

Where to Watch:

Amazon Prime (US)

The Premise:

What’s more fun than a walking holiday with your partner and two of your closest friends?  Exploring a possible Nazi past life through hypnotism while your girlfriend hooks up with your friend’s boyfriend and a deranged kidnapper stalks you.

The Uncondensed Version:

Claudia has an incredibly vague and convenient talent for looking into the past and future.  While on a walking holiday with her friends seems to be the perfect opportunity to test out her abilities.  Specifically, to explore the secret Nazi life of friend Ralph.  Learning about his past life is…important?  For some reason?  As it turns out, Ralph had a Nazi family in his past life, and something bad seems to have happened to them.

a man lies with eyes closed in front of a seated woman
A fun hobby to try explaining during interviews.

Meanwhile, Andrea and Lucas (who looks 12), the respective partners of Ralph and Claudia are fine with this turn of events as they’re off having sex constantly and/or complaining about all the walking…ON A WALKING HOLIDAY.  Too tired to deal with this shit, Andrea and Lucas go off to find the local pub.  Once there, they are greeted by an incredibly creepy bartender.  I kind of expected him to get along well with Lucas because they are both so fucking sleazy.

a young man sits next to a woman in a bar
Is he reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally old enough to be in a bar, though?  Is he REALLY?

Later, as Andrea and Lucas have yet another weirdly shot sex scene, a mysterious figure who we’ve heard talking to himself throughout the entire movie approaches their tent.  He hits Lucas and ties up both parties.  Whoa.  Is that where this film is heading, i.e. torture porn territory?  Apparently so.  There are some absolutely disgusting scenes that feel endless where this guy burns his victims with a lot of camera close-ups.  I hope you realize I don’t say that lightly given the massive number of B horror movies featured in this blog collab.

After being asked once, Andrea immediately reveals where the other two have gone.  Look, I’m not saying I’d do any better if a creepy kidnapper started asking me questions, but come on.

Btw, did I mention all of this is happening in broad daylight?  And he moves his victims in the back of a tractor wagon?  Super inconspicuous.

Conveniently, when Claudia and Ralph return to the campsite, Claudia senses that Andrea and Lucas were abducted after the odd camera angles of their sex scene.  The answer to all of their questions is supposedly to do another Nazi past life regression.  This is interrupted by the most unintentionally hilarious attempted abduction scene in film, in which the creepy shadowy dude tries to basically tow their tent with his tractor.  Unsurprisingly, they can get out of that one pretty easily.

a tractor tows a camping tent across a field in the night
IDK if I should really be laughing so hard about kidnapping.

However, when he does catch up with Claudia and Ralph, he is intent on exacting revenge for some unknown offense.  You’ll have to watch to see what happens, why, and if you even fucking care by the time any of this happens.  But honestly, if you ask nicely, I’ll probably just tell you how it ends.

Top 5 Lines of Dialogue:

5. “It’s better to know than not know.”

4. Andrea: A man hit you, tied us up, and brought us here.

Lucas (outraged): WHY?!

3. Julian Glover (dramatically, to a grave): You shall be avenged!

2. “If you untie us now and let us go, we’ll be on our way and the whole thing won’t be mentioned.”

1. “I’ve lived before…even if I was a Nazi.”

The Rating:

1/5 Angry PPHs

So bad, guys.  So, so bad.

I tried to think of small things about this film that could be changed to improve it, and I drew a blank.  On the bright side, the scenery is pretty?   Fucking hell, though, those burn scenes are vile.  And though as viewers we are obviously supposed to hate the cheaters and like the other two characters, they are all sooooooooooooooooooo bland.  Sub-par, even for a Nazi B movie.

Would Christa go along with this one or roll on out of the tent ASAP?  Find out by reading her review here!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, or: The Star Trek of Christmas Movies

To continue the subgenre of, er, classic(?) film, and without further ado…Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

The Film:

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

The Premise:

Martians kidnap Santa!  Because…their children need to enjoy childhood more?

The Uncondensed Version:

The Martians are facing a real but probably not instantly resolved problem—their children spend too much time watching TV and not enough time enjoying childhood.  These Earth TV programs are corrupting the youth, turning their minds to mush…you’ve heard it before.  This is in a society in which it’s considered totally appropriate to use sleep spray to send children to sleep (that’s a euphemism for chloroform, isn’t it?!?!?!).  Martians seem to be extremely open to the power of persuasion, so when they hear a news program suggesting Mars needs its own Santa, they decide to kidnap Santa.  Obviously.

two boys in matching blue costumes and helmets stand while a man dressed identically sits in the background
Why spend time with your Martian children when you can just kidnap an elderly man to make toys for them instead?

Throwing a wrench in this ingenious plan are (1) logic and (2) Voldar.  Logical gaps come in the form of the Martians turning on their radar shields only AFTER being detected, as well as kidnapping 2 Earth children…so they won’t tell the authorities and so no one will suspect Martians kidnapped Santa Claus.  WHAT.

Voldar is definitely the main antagonist here and honestly a bit of a hero.  He tells the children to their faces their theories are stupid, and is against the whole concept of children having fun, playing, enjoying life, etc.

a man with a moustache wears a helmet with a metal attachment
Exemplifying that the mustachioed character is always evil.

Although the children escape to warn Santa (even braving a fierce polar bear and, inexplicably, a robot Voldar tries to program to destroy them), it’s too late.  The Martians use their freeze rays to kidnap Santa and bring him back to Mars.  This, of course, begs the question of why the fuck you even need Santa when you have freeze rays.

close-up of a person in a polar bear costume
Terrifying.

Once aboard the ship, Santa comforts the children with a mix of dad jokes and rather sinister laughter.  What will happen next???  You know.  Believe me, you already know.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This one regularly makes worst movie lists…with good reason.  It’s like watching one of the cheesier episodes of Star Trek:  TOS (like that one where the costume designer wrapped a dog in a shaggy rug and called it an alien)–complete with horrible special effects, cheesy fight scenes, awful one-liners, a lead male putting odd emphasis on the word “sabotage,” and a simplistic message about morality that hits you over the head with a mallet.  Also like some of the worst Star Trek eps, this is bearable for only about half of its run time.  The first half is admittedly entertaining in an utterly cheesy, campy, and cringe-worthy kind of way.

It does get darker than I expected, as Voldar tries to throw Santa and the children out of the airlock.  Maybe this is just who I am, but I was totally rooting for the villain here.  The children are ANNOYING, and Santa’s blind faith in humanity is grating.  Was also hoping for some kind of horrible Santa vs. aliens fight scene.

Was my blog wife on board the UFO for this one, or was she tempted to throw it out of the airlock?  Read her review here to find out!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Ava’s Possessions, or: How to Lose Fiends and Alienate People

This week continues the B horror movie trend, but we shake things up slightly by switching from creatures to possessions.  Next week we shake things up even more when Christa and I are ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC.

The Film:

Ava’s Possessions

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

A woman tries to get her life back on track as she recovers from a demonic possession.

The Uncondensed Version:

We first meet Ava shortly after a demon leaves her; she has spent the past month doing violent, depraved, awful things with no memory of them.

The film sets up demonic possession as sort of a form of drug addiction in the way it damages its victims and hurts the people around them.  As with a newly sober addict, Ava’s family and friends don’t understand her well and even cast a bit of blame her way for getting possessed I the first place.  They try to understand what it was like for Ava, but end up asking really insensitive questions like “What are you going to do about picking up the pieces of your life?”

A woman sits in a chair holding her hand to her forehead. Two martinis stand on the table in front of her.
The face I make too when someone asks what I’m doing with my life.

Additional complications:  Ava is facing major charges that could come along with serious prison time.  The only alternative is to go through the Spirit Possession Anonymous program and agree to stick to it.  Through SPA, Ava is able to share the name of her demon and learn about all of the crimes she committed, men she slept with, and ears she chewed.  We also discover the demon was always accompanied by a drum so, understandably, drums are something of a trigger for Ava.

Somewhat counterintuitively, the SPA method prepares its participants to be possessed again when equipped with the resources to expel their demons.  This seems to be accomplished mostly by making funny faces in the mirror, beating the shit out of dummies, fighting with dolls, and popping balloons.  It looks like possibly the most fun form of rehab ever.

a man with a serious expression stands amid a group of people holding mirrors to their faces
I’ve already mastered this step of the SPA program…

Things are going pretty well for Ava, all things considered, until she takes a sudden downward spiral and loses faith in the SPA program.  In a decision she regrets almost immediately, Ava helps her friend perform a black magic ritual during which she’ll be possessed.  I’ll be honest and tell you I wasn’t paying the most attention ever to this part of the film because I suddenly felt really sleepy but wanted to power through it and keep watching.

two women wearing dark robes sit in a magic circle on a rooftop
Even witchcraft looks delightful in this film.  But I’d probably say that regardless.

So anyway…this is majorly against the principles of SPA, which I should think goes without saying.  Ava is kicked out and now must seek help elsewhere or face prison.

Before she can leave, though, Ava realizes someone is trying to kill her.  I think you’ll know almost immediately who it is based on general shadiness, but lest I ruin the surprise for you, I’ll stop right here.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I really enjoyed watching this and am happy to say it was a completely new take on the possession story for me.  It reminded me a bit of Fido, the alternate history zombie rom-com, in its blending of genres, realistic approach to extraordinary happenings, and really quite fun approach to horror.

That being said, the film is a bit uneven as the latter half becomes sort of a gritty film noir, which is a jarring transition.  Or possibly I just have a pitch black sense of humor as I found the beginning of the film quite funny in the way it subverted expectations and drew the parallels between being a recovering addict and victim of demonic possession.

Also the love interest was so boring I didn’t even mention him or care about at all.  But that’s true with most men, isn’t it?

Did this film make Christa embrace her inner demon or would she rather expel it from her memory?  Find out by reading her review here!

a three-headed shark swims in the ocean
Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

3-Headed Shark Attack, or: Pollution Did It

I really missed B movies.  This week we’ve got mutant sharks, pollution, underwater research labs, and Danny Trejo.  Largely picked because of Danny Trejo and some guy who spells “Jaason” with a double a, as well as Christa’s evil influence (obviously).

The Film:

 3-Headed Shark Attack

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

I…I really feel the title tells you everything you need to know about this one.

The Uncondensed Version:

It’s a movie about a shark attack, so obv open scene on a bunch of drunk college kids partying on the beach.  Not even 2 minutes in and there are boobs, so I hope you’re comfortable with looking at boobs.

Actually, this is a very boob-centric film as the first tragedy happens because 2 dudes make a bet with a girl to get her to take her top off.  We only get a glimpse of this woman without her bikini top as she becomes the titular 3-headed shark’s first victim in a rather unconvincing display of special effects.  It should be noted that though the shark is aquatic, it can become a land shark in extreme circumstances.

a three-headed shark devours three humans on a beach

Meanwhile, in an underwater laboratory…but seriously.  There’s basically an entire office building underwater that serves as a base for a group of marine biologists, one of whom conveniently wears only a thong under her wetsuit.

The new intern, Maggie arrives, and it transpires she and one of her colleagues, Greg, used to date in college.  Everyone just sort of stands around uncomfortably while Greg tells Maggie how great she looks.  Okay, but even on underwater research labs there must be some semblance of professionalism, right?

You know this film is about to combine heart-stopping action with environmentalism when alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of the scientists start talking about 1 in 5 specimens having horrible pollutant-induced mutations.  Even though they are inside of a giant underwater research lab the whole time.  I question how environmentally responsible such a structure is.

a group of men and women stand in a science lab that includes aquarium tanks, test tubes, and specimens in liquid

Apparently these fish are the canary in the coal mine as they can sense when the 3-headed shark is approaching, which tips off the scientists that something is majorly wrong.

Our main crew is able to escape, but of course there’s that one douchebag who just insists on getting a closer look at what he believes is a whale.  WORST MARINE BIOLOGIST EVER.  After snacking on the scientist, the shark takes a Godzilla turn and begins destroying the underwater research lab.

After getting their first good glimpse at the shark, the lead scientist exclaims, “I’ve never heard of a giant 3 headed shark either, but I guess all bets are off at this point!”  Most of the dialogue is pretty much on that level.

Bad news:  the crew is now stranded on a flooding island with no means of escape.  And no one knows where the hell the Coast Guard is in this.  Eaten by 3-headed shark???

The crew is forced to make a daring swim to the scientists’ boat, which only a few will survive.  If at this point you’re thinking “Where the fuck is Danny Trejo?” don’t worry—we all are.  But we finally hear his voice when he responds to the crew’s distress calls, which are somehow going to DT’s fishing boat rather than the Coast Guard (the fuck?).  They ask DT to come help ASAP since the shark is now headed towards a party boat, which is a bit fucked up, esp. as they have no clue it’s even Danny Trejo on the other end of the line.

a mustachioed man frowns off into the distance

The scientific explanation for the shark following the party boat is the pollution is “making it insane.”  Our team wins some and loses some during the party boat attack.  All of this, of course, is leading up to a showdown between Danny Trejo and the 3-headed shark.  DT exclaims in Spanish a lot, which apparently needs to be translated (like seriously “Madre de Dios” gets translated), shoots the shark, runs out of bullets, and proceeds to attack it with a machete.  If I might add, all of which is stashed in his, ahem, “fishing boat.”

a tattooed man with an open shirt stands in the ocean holding a sword

After this battle, the nightmare is over…or is it???  Let’s just say the shark now has super regenerative pollution powers.

This all leads to a plan for the shark to…literally eat itself alive.  WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This was fun to watch and there were some reasonably well-known cast members, but 3 is the highest rating I’m comfortable with.  Mostly because I’ve cursed myself by trying to maintain a consistent rating system.  Not bad for a B movie, though I don’t think this is destined to be a classic on the blog.  And I still don’t get where the Coast Guard was in all this.

Perhaps what’s most impressive is that this is Maggie’s first day at work and she knows the names of and cares about all of them.

Is Christa on board this party boat or would she sacrifice it to a mutant 3-headed shark?  Read her review here to find out!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Stung, or: I’ll Spare You the Bee Puns

This week Christa and I are reunited with the bad horror that brought us together in the first place and made the blog collab possible.  And it feels right.  Christa’s kicking off the month with a B horror film that is also a “bee” horror (okay, I’m done with the bee puns, promise).

The Film:

Stung

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

A quaint garden party is ruined when a sudden swarm of bees arrives—a mutant swarm of bees bent on destruction.

The Uncondensed Version:

Our film follows Julia and Paul as they drive to a garden party they will cater.  Wherever they are is really pretty and autumnal and makes me want to cry thinking about summer.  Julia is suddenly in charge of the family catering business after her father’s death, so she’s super tense and afraid of fucking everything up.

a woman holding a notebook stands next to man with a paper bag, both looking up
Could we be any more cliche as characters?  I don’t think so either.

Paul, on the other hand, is a bit more relaxed than Julia would prefer.  He’s also incredibly accident-prone, which is unfortunate for someone working with a lot of food and fragile glasses.  Paul is definitely into Julia, but she is focused on her business and doesn’t seem to have any inclination.

So of course the party is at a creepy old house with a bunch of rich people.  The son of the woman hosting the party is an awkward dude who looks and acts very much like a character from Jeeves & Wooster.  Since they’re rich people, they have a spoiled tiny dog that will ultimately spell their destruction (it seriously pays to be a cat person).  The dog manages to dig up…something.  Is it bees?  Spoiler:  yes, it’s bees.

two servers at a party gaze intently at a man's hand gestures
Shadow puppets are always a hit at parties!

However, you know how this goes:  the bees are going to swarm from the earth only midway through the party.  They’ll be fashionably late.  By the time the bees arrive, the party has gotten pretty lame and it’s almost a relief that something makes this party memorable.  The mayor himself comments on how dead the party is…a statement he would surely regret if it ever leaked to the press.  Unless he were absolutely any of the current presidential candidates.

In the midst of the swarm, it turns out these aren’t ordinary bees (duh).  Once stung, victims become a sort of bee cocoon for giant human-sized mutant bees.  You might not want to watch this one if you’re afraid of bees.

a woman stares in terror at the face of a human-sized bee
THE BEES.

As you’ve seen in basically every B horror movie, everyone escapes INTO THE HOUSE.  To be fair, it’s not a haunted house, so they’re safe in that respect (but I’d watch the fuck out of a ghost bee movie).  Aaaaaaaaaaand the bodies start piling up.  Woman who’s been working for Julia’s family for years?  Dead.  Cougar hitting on Paul?  Dead.  Stoner musician?  Dead.  Rich old lady?  Dead.  All of these characters had to know they were just here to die.  Just like Julia and Paul are just hear to be the painfully bland, “relatable” leads.

Shortly after the start of the film, only Julia, Paul, the mayor, and the rich son are alive.  They retreat to the basement, where they sit around in the dark drinking vintage wine, which is probably a better party anyway.

at an elegant outdoor garden party, party guests flee from a swarm of bees
One the bright side, mutant bee swarm at party negates the need for small talk.

Perhaps surprising to no one, the rich son turns out to be a bit of a dick bag and may have caused the entire situation with the mutant bees when he mixed fertilizer with hormones (???????????).  However, there is a price to pay, as he becomes a 2-headed bee mutant himself.  As it turns out, he expects Paul to join the mutant bees and be a father figure for him (even though they’re the same age).

But I mean most of this film consists of our heroes fighting giant bees.  Somewhat refreshingly, Julia saves Paul in the end; however, both characters are so insufferable that I barely even care about the feminist angle here.

Maybe you will for some reason?

The Rating:

2/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is true of all films I watch, but I really wanted this to be a conspiracy.  They almost went there with the potential environmental message and the bee daddy plot points, but any exploration of that was brushed aside in favor of gory bee action scenes.

I would like to emphasize that you should probably not watch this film if you fear bees as I imagine it is all of your nightmares made (sort of) real.  Prob if you’re Nic Cage you should avoid this one as well.

I’d also really like for the horror version of Jeeves & Wooster to happen now.  Jeeves would’ve kicked the shit out of those bees.  OR he would’ve become the most terrifying bee mutant valet.

Even though this was a bad horror movie that truly lived up to the bad part, I’m so glad we’re back to truly terrible films.  They are the heart and soul of this blog collab.

Did this film make Christa feel like a queen bee or would she squish it under the heel of her boot without hesitation?  Read her review here to find out!