Death Drop Gorgeous, or: Divine Providence

“I will not stop using my blog until justice is served!”

Who said it: me or a character from this week’s film? Sadly, I can’t claim credit, though I stand by the spirit of these words. Things I will also not stop doing until justice is served: annoying cats, eating raw cookie dough, looking for my sunglasses when they’re on top of my head.

The Film:

Death Drop Gorgeous

Directors:

Brandon Perras, Michael J. Ahern, & Christopher Dalpe

The Premise:

As drag queens fight for the spotlight at the local drag club, a serial killer targets and murders those associated with the establishment.

The Ramble:

Things are off to an ominous start when a drug deal goes wrong in Providence, RI, leaving our first victim dead at the hands of a mysterious figure whose face is never seen (of course). The victim meets a rather gruesome end as he inhales drugs deliberately laced with a toxic substance, and ultimately receives a death blow from a screwdriver.

It’s highly suspect that former bartender Dwayne returns, looking for a job at drag bar The Outhouse, despite being visibly repulsed by drag queens. Dwayne has been burned after going into business with his ex, who left him high and dry. Luckily, sketchy bar owner Tony Two Fingers could use the help and hires Dwayne on the spot.

Celebrating with roommate Brian, Dwayne is persuaded to go enjoy a night out to see one of the famous local drag queens, though drag is decidedly not his scene. When a man at the club is murdered in a gruesome way (think sausage grinder) and discovered drained of blood…it’s highly suspicious.

As rather incompetent detectives with romantic undertones investigate, Two Fingers slides some cash their way to keep the bar out of the headlines. Hmmmmmm.

Meanwhile, queens new and old are determined to get the coveted Saturday night spot on stage, resorting to some pretty catty behavior as they undercut each other. Best of these are washed-up Gloria Hole, whose routine is now rather out of touch, and Tragedi, an unnervingly quiet and intense custodian. As Gloria competes with the younger queens, barbs are exchanged, including (memorably), “Every perfectly bleached asshole expires!”

As the blood drained bodies pile up, the murders become impossible for the detectives to ignore, and a serious investigation is under way. Unfortunately, absolutely no one is particularly helpful or observant when questioned. Can the killer be caught before there are no more drag queens around in Providence?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Wow, this one grew on me. The beginning doesn’t bode well as it’s apparent from the start that this is an extremely low budget feature. Additionally, characters like Two Fingers (insufferable) and Dwayne (boring) get a hell of a lot more screen time than merited. A lot of the dialogue is horrible, and some of the jokes don’t quite land. I also do NOT understand the accents here, which sound like cringey attempts at Boston. Admittedly I don’t know what a Providence accent actually sounds like.

However, the queens are memorably drawn, particularly Gloria and Tragedi. The petty digs between queens add a lot of fun to the proceedings, with Gloria’s lines especially standing out. Without being too spoiler-y, I frequently feel as jaded as Gloria and can’t entirely fault her for some of her choices. The script does do a reasonable job of setting up the mystery of the killer’s identity, as there are a number of red herrings. Even if I wasn’t on the edge of my seat, I was still interested in where things were heading.

Also I am completely obsessed with Tragedi, aka the fabulously named Complete Destruction.

Would my blog wife perfectly style this one’s two tone wig or trip it on the way to the stage? Read her review to find out!

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie, or: Warrior Queens

It would be a shame to let this month, focused on LGBTQIA+ films, pass by without a musical number and a drag queen or two, wouldn’t it? This week’s film checks off these boxes and more, serving up the fiercest looks on impossibly tall stilettos.

The Film:

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

The Premise:

Deciding to become a drag queen at age 16, Jamie prepares to debut his identity at prom while dodging discouragement from family, classmates, and school administrators.

The Ramble:

Leading a fairly quiet life in Sheffield, openly gay teen Jamie aspires to a glamorous life in the spotlight. In response to his unsupportive classmates and dreamcrushing teacher Miss Hedge, Jamie claims his plan is to be a performer, but this is only part of the story. Jamie really dreams of becoming a drag queen but is too nervous to admit this even to his bff Pritti.

Luckily, Jamie’s mother Margaret and her own bestie Jay are extremely supportive. Knowing her son’s love of glittery fashion accessories, Margaret gifts Jamie with his first pair of stiletto heels for his 16th birthday. While it seems there are no secrets between mother and son, it’s clear pretty early on that Margaret is massively covering for Jamie’s absentee father, who has zero interest in being a part of his child’s life.

Disappointed in his father’s absenteeism yet again, Jamie is nonetheless thrilled with the heels in which he will take his first steps to success as a drag queen. Sharing the good shoe news with Pritti, Jamie finds his bff somewhat confused yet unshakably supportive. She encourages Jamie to show off his developing drag queen identity at prom, despite putdowns from cookie cutter homophobic bully Dean.

By chance, it’s around this time that Jamie finds a local drag shop owned by Hugo Battersby, former drag queen Loco Chanelle. Along with some practical advice on preparing for and performing drag, Hugo gives Jamie a history lesson that contextualizes its significance for those involved, identifying earlier trailblazers as true warrior queens. Color me disappointed that none of the drag acts featured Boudica or even Xena, Warrior Princess.

Getting to work right away, Jamie starts saving money for fabulous drag gear, learning to apply makeup, and hoping in vain that his father will suddenly decide to support his son just a little bit. Ahead of prom, Jamie debuts his drag identity Mimi Me, despite attempts from Dean to derail the evening.

As Jamie begins to find confidence while in drag, he must contend with the fact that he feels ugly and insecure as himself. Complicating matters are the school administrators’ words of discouragement on learning that Jamie intends to wear a dress to prom. To top it all off, Jamie realizes with dismay that his mother has been lying about his father maintaining even a modest level of interest in his son’s life.

At a definite low point, Jamie turns to a night of binge drinking and antagonizing footballers. Now that he’s fallen from those very stylish heels, will Jamie be able to pick himself back up again?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is such a fun, upbeat film that it’s impossible not to find some charm in it. (So much better than the misguided The Prom, thank god). I enjoy the choreographed dance numbers so much, and it’s welcome to see a film with a heartfelt message, especially in the context of…everything. In terms of casting, our lead Max Harwood and (obviously) Richard E. Grant are so perfect here, and the brief Bianca del Rio cameo is superb. Richard E. Grant’s character and songs are firmly my favorites.

I cannot overstate how pleased I am that this film’s heart depends on family and friendship. And, most of all, that no one has a problematic romance with the class bully who was only terrible because he hated his own secret gay identity. I cannot tell you how tired I am with this trope, and we dodged it entirely, praise the lord.

What holds me back from a full 4 stars is how persistently light and upbeat this is, even when dealing with troubling themes. The story doesn’t fully explore these themes and suffers for it, at least in my opinion. I welcome affirming stories like this one, but I think pushing things into slightly more serious dramatic territory could have only made the emotional resonance more powerful. I loved the bejeezus out of the Richard E. Grant number “This Was Me” that celebrates drag and the LGTBQ community in the 1980s and would have wholeheartedly embraced more songs of this nature (speaking of which–the song was added for the film, and I could not imagine a stage production without this number).

Another issue is that, while the story is about Jamie’s identity, Jamie is a bit self-involved. The single-minded focus on his character means we don’t get to explore the nuances of more interesting supporting characters (okay–I’m primarily talking about Loco Chanelle). Every single non-Jamie character is either there to support or discourage him in cartoonishly awful ways, and he doesn’t always do much for them in return. Jamie is a bad friend to Pritti at times, though full credit for always having her back when faced with Dean. Honestly even Jamie’s character development isn’t that great, as there’s a lot of external focus on his appearance and not as much exploration as I would have liked about his internal motivations to do drag.

As a result of little secondary character exploration, I didn’t believe the change of heart so many characters have at the end. The school’s acceptance of Jamie is sweet but feels hollow and somewhat confusing too. Fully recognizing it’s possible to want contradictory things, I found it odd that Jamie seems to want to stand out but also for everyone to love him. Sure, I understand the impulse, but a bit more self-awareness from the character may have helped him recognize the impossibility of both of these things being true.

That being said, I would watch this 6 more times just for the brief scenes featuring Richard E. Grant in drag.

Would my blog wife help this one pencil in elegantly arched brows or snatch the tiara from atop its perfectly styled wig? Find out in her review!

Hurricane Bianca 2, or: I Will Kut-ya

As one hurricane approaches the US, another storms Russia in the form of a small-town science teacher by day, ferocious drag queen by night.  That’s right–since we covered the first film and we’re all about being thorough on the blog collab, we’re tackling the Hurricane Bianca sequel this week.

The Film:

Hurricane Bianca 2: From Russia with Hate

The Premise:

Richard Martinez, AKA Bianca Del Rio, travels to Russia with insults, false eyelashes, and the kind of glitter you still find under your fingernails months later.

The Ramble:

As a quick recap, the original film in the franchise(?) saw Debbie (Rachel Dratch), homophobic teacher determined to rid Texas of Bianca Del Rio, land in prison for an inappropriate relationship with a minor.  Now that she has been released, Debbie is consumed by her revenge fantasies and ready to carry them out.

Starting out a cringeworthy plot that just gets cringier is Debbie’s, er, brilliant plan to lure Bianca to Russia, where she will surely be locked up for life.  With the newly appointed Minister of Homosexual Propaganda on the case, prospects for any openly LGBTQ+ person aren’t wonderful.

After Bianca receives an invitation to Russia to accept a science prize, she is skeptical but accepts anyway.  Tagging along is her friend Rex, who isn’t always the brightest.  Little do they know Debbie and her daughter Carly are watching their every move.

It’s not long before Bianca and Rex draw the attention of the Russian police, who interrogate the two about all of the women’s clothing and accessories in their possession.  After these items are confiscated, how can Bianca even exist to collect her prize?

When Bianca and Rex find a gay bar, they meet the witty and fierce owner of the bar, Katya.  Before Bianca can get to know Katya as well as she’d like, police raid the bar, arresting Rex and Carly, who has been spying.  Now it looks as though Bianca and Debbie will have to work together to bust their loved ones out of Russian prison.

Meanwhile, Rex is in no hurry to be free from prison because of a surprise drag show and unexpected bonding with Carly.  Maybe Carly will even see the error of her ways and begin to change her opinion of the LGBTQ community?  (Also there’s a drag queen in prison called Vicki Leaks…perhaps the one joke in the film that actually lands.)

Bianca is nevertheless determined to bust Rex out of prison, and develops an elaborate plan involving her friend Stephen, help from Debbie, and of course impossibly voluminous wigs.  Can they pull off their plan, defeat the homophobes, and make the world a better place?

The Rating:

2/5 Pink Panther Heads

I expected this to be a fun romp like the first film, but it was honestly…kind of a drag to get through.  Bah dum tsssssssssssss.

The jokes were predictable for a trashy comedy, and I was actually somewhat disappointed that, despite the message of LGBTQ rights and empowerment, it seemed to throw so many groups under the bus.  There were jokes about sex workers, STDs, fat shaming, and prison rape.  Call me a feminist killjoy, but I just don’t find that kind of comedy funny.

Another disappointment was the plot–which I acknowledge was really just a vehicle for the film’s message and vicious Bianca insults.  Even so, we kept hearing about the Minister of Homosexual Propaganda and got so little payoff on that storyline.  Dot Jones is completely wasted in this role and given almost nothing to do except stand around in a uniform looking disdainful.

Based on the title, I was also on some level hoping for a From Russia with Love parody but without the mud wrestling.  Keep your expectations low on this one or you might get your heart trampled on by glittery stilettos.

What did the drag queen of my heart think of this one–would she declare it the winner of an imaginary prize or banish it to Siberia?  Find out in her review here!

Hurricane Bianca, or: It’s a Poncho, Bitch

This week’s film is brought to you by false eyelashes, skin-tight sequined dresses, and enough concealer to recolor the walls of a small apartment.  Drag queens, ok?  It’s about drag queens–and one rather renowned in particular.

The Film:

Hurricane Bianca

The Premise:

I mean, technically there’s a plot, but mostly this is a vehicle for Bianca Del Rio to throw shade at homophobes.

The Ramble:

Richard is a long-suffering science teacher who genuinely cares about learning–if only his students felt the same way.  Meanwhile, his interest in stand-up comedy seems to be horribly misguided as he persistently gets a cringeworthy number of laughs.

Feeling completely disheartened, Richard finally gets some good news in the form of a call from the head of a teaching ambassador program (played by a fantastically sinister Alan Cumming).  The catch?  The position is in Milford, a small Texas town into football, nepotism, and traditional gender roles.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Richard is a bit of a fish out of water as a gay man whose masculinity doesn’t jive with the gun-toting football fanatics.  Richard fails to make it through the first day of class when his students blow up the chemistry lab.  While the principal may have overlooked this incident, when he discovers Richard’s sexuality, it’s all over.

In Texas, this is the only acceptable makeup for men.

In an attempt to drink away his sorrows, Richard ends up at a bar only to discover he now lives in a dry county.  However, he does manage to befriend a trans woman named Karma, who invites him to a drag show that evening.  After Richard has one too many drinks, he performs in drag and finds inspiration to return to Milford…as Bianca.  Not only could Bianca win $25,000 if she wins Teacher of the Year, but perhaps more importantly could whip the smart but unmotivated students into shape and seek revenge on those responsible for ending Richard’s career (including Rachel Dratch?!).

This is not the face of approval.

With no small amount of scathing sarcasm, Bianca gets to work.  She shames the students into being nicer to the closeted gay kid while also giving him some fighting tips.  When the students fail to complete their chemistry reading, they’re in for a nasty surprise that would definitely get a teacher fired IRL.  Bianca also gives hilariously harsh nicknames to all of the students, including labeling one of the cheerleaders “Bathmat.”

Meanwhile, the school’s football coach Chuck takes a shine to Bianca.  When she discovers Chuck is Karma’s estranged brother, Bianca can’t resist doing some meddling…which has some unexpected consequences.  After learning of Bianca’s scheming, Karma is furious and insists she leave.

Nothing says romance like beer and roller skating.

Perhaps not so surprisingly, Bianca is nominated for Teacher of the Year.  When her drag queen besties arrive in town from New York, a rival teacher makes one last bid to earn the title for her daughter, and rumors of Lady Gaga’s appearance at the ceremony abound, shenanigans ensue.  Of course, it’s all going down at the Teacher of the Year Awards.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is a sweet and irresistibly bubbly film that still manages to touch on real issues LGBT people contend with.  At times, the lightness of the film does undermine the message somewhat–the ending is all a bit after-school special.  While I wasn’t going in expecting Dallas Buyers Club, there were still times when I wanted the film to embrace its serious themes more fully.

Also minor bone to pick:  some of Bianca’s insults come from a fat-shaming/body-shaming place that I just can’t get behind.  It seemed to send a message that it’s ok to body shame people who are fat or have had plastic surgery as long as they’re assholes.  I did find most of Bianca’s sassy quips delightful, but IDK if I can really get behind fat-shaming anyone.

There are some excellent cameos to be seen, and even if the cast may not be getting any Oscars, they are charming and charismatic enough to make up for it.  Overall, the message is positive and does shine a light on some of the BS laws making it even more difficult for people to identify as LGBT at work, school, and in their private lives.

Would Queen Christa cheer for this one in all its glittery glory or don her finest pair of stilettos and show it who’s boss?  Read her review here to find out!

Feminist February: Paris Is Burning

Feminist February is going out with a bang.  We’re crossing off classics from our movie bucket lists, unintentionally synchronizing our film choices when we’re not even trying, and posting on 2 films for the price of 1.

The Film:

Paris Is Burning

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Uncondensed Version:

This is a classic documentary now, filmed 30ish years ago and giving a mainstream audience the inside story of drag balls in NYC.  Classically for drag queens to dress up in a Vegas showgirl style complete with feathers and sequins, ‘80s balls expanded to many categories giving attendees the chance to strut their stuff in military uniform, business suits, school girls, jockeys, realness…there’s virtually no limit to the number of possibilities.

Our first introduction is through Pepper LaBeija, who considers herself reigning queen of Harlem balls (even though not everyone would agree with this characterization).  In her own words, “I never felt comfortable being poor, and being middle class doesn’t suit me.”  Balls give participants a taste of glamour and fame they otherwise wouldn’t get.  One participant calls it a high that won’t hurt you.

I really feel my captions can add nothing of value to this moment.

Another theme that weaves throughout this film is the family found in ball culture—and the houses that pop up and feud with each other.  Many of those interviewed share their stories of being loved but not accepted—or completely rejected by their families.  Each house has a mother who leads the family and takes care of them, while unapologetically calling bullshit.

Feuds between houses means a LOT of shade gets thrown, and really aggressive voguing takes place.  Willi Ninja is an absolute master of voguing—a dance-off involving moves and poses inspired by fashion magazines like Vogue.  His take-down of his opponent revolves around pantomiming applying his own makeup, holding up an invisible mirror, and pretending to apply makeup to his competitor.  If you watch nothing else of this, watch that clip.  Later, Willi ends doing really well for himself, popping up in music videos, modelling, and doing choreography left and right.

Venus Xtravaganza is a transwoman who participates in balls and desperately wants to earn enough money for sex reassignment surgery.  She works as an escort and seems to enjoy the sweetness of some of her clients.  Devastatingly, however, we find out Venus was later strangled and found 4 days after the fact.  I couldn’t help thinking immediately of the number of transwomen who have already been murdered this year and wonder how much has really changed.

Dorian Corey is one of my favorites—an older and somewhat more cynical drag queen who wanted to be Lena Horne when she was younger.  She wraps things up for us with her aloof realism.  She had so many dreams when she was younger, but eventually aimed lower.  You may want to make a mark on the world when you’re young—but you’ve left a mark if you just get through it.  (This is especially badass if you Google Dorian Corey and the MUMMIFIED body found in her apartment after her death.  WHERE is the Lifetime movie version of this.)

The Rating:

5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I wasn’t going to go with 5 b/c I feel that’s almost the equivalent of saying “Casablanca is a really good movie,” but there’s no other option.  This is a fascinating but balanced glimpse into a culture discriminated against by race, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status.  Even as balls bring them together, they feud and toss insults at each other.  Those interviewed are deeply sympathetic but don’t shy away from their flaws and disagreements.  Some want sex reassignment surgery, while others speculate those who opt for it may regret it later.

There are lines throughout that are incredibly poignant, especially in light of many featured in this film dying quite young.  The subjects of this film are extremely socially aware as well, since most are black, LGBT, and economically disadvantaged in a system that wants to keep it that way.

I don’t think I can review this without at least mentioning that several of the participants felt they were owed money by the filmmakers.

Is this the mother of my blog wife’s house or would she throw some serious shade at it?  Read her review here to find out!

BONUS ROUND:  I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore

Since we both watched (and loved) this film over the weekend too, a few words about it.

There’s something slightly Coen brothers-esque about this one–it’s very funny with hints of violence beneath the surface that suddenly bubble up and spiral out of control.  So many bodies pile up for a movie about a depressed woman finding her grandmother’s stolen silverware with the help of a neighbor who overestimates his martial arts skills (Elijah Wood [with a beard and rat tail?!?!?!]).  Though, of course, that’s not what this movie is really about at all.

This film captures how confusing and deeply disturbing it is to be alive, especially if you are seeking either reason or compassion from your fellow humans.  Ruth doesn’t realize how quickly her life can become a (wo)man vs man vs nature struggle, and how easily the lizard part of our brains can take over.  I related so hard to Ruth’s feelings of despair about humanity and the world we live in, and her determination to find meaning in the face of really horrible existential questions.

That being said, it really is very fun to watch and has some great comedic moments.  Melanie Lynskey is perfect in this role–she looks and acts the way a normal human woman would rather than suddenly absorbing assassin skills while wearing 6 inch stilettos (though I’d watch that movie too).  IOU a longer review, IDFAHITWA.

Kinky Boots, or: I Personally Find No Fault with Burgundy

Blog free or die hard?  That is the essential question that drives this blog to search for meaning (or nonsense).  Let us continue, then, with a film about making shoes for drag queens.  You know Christa has thoughts about this, esp. as she’s seen this one before, whereas I’ve been slacking on my To Be Watched list lately.  And by lately I mean for the past 10+ years.

The Film:

Kinky Boots

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Lola, a drag queen who helps a struggling Northampton shoe factory find its niche:  high-heeled shoes (kinky boots, if you will) for drag queens.

The Uncondensed Version:

Both Lola and Charlie know from a young age what they will be doing.  For Lola, it will be performing in drag.  Charlie will inherit his family’s shoe factory, a prospect that doesn’t thrill him.  In an attempt to dodge his fate, Charlie moves to London with his fiancé to study marketing.  Shortly after, he receives the news that his father has passed away and the family business is his.

“When do I get a solo?!”

Charlie is unable to shirk his responsibilities but still feels strange about playing the role of his father in terms of being an authority and role model.  The factory has not kept up with the times and seems to (a) have reasonable working conditions, (b) make a fairly high quality product, and (c) care about tradition.  This leads to pretty heavy layoffs and low morale in general.  As Lauren, one of Charlie’s former employees, points out, what the factory needs is a niche, but what could it be?  Spoiler:  you already know.  If you don’t, please pay at least a little attention.

Charlie’s inspiration comes in the form of Lola, a drag queen he steps in to help when she’s being harassed on the street.  Though clearly uncomfortable in her presence, Charlie has a drink with her and realizes her heeled boots have broken because they weren’t designed to support her frame.

To be fair, that is a lot of fabulous to hold up.

For somewhat forced plot reasons, Charlie enlists Lauren’s help in recruiting Lola as a shoe model and designer.  Charlie’s fiancé hates the factory and thinks drag queens are unnatural?  You don’t say.  I wonder if Lauren has a more progressive perspective.

Initially Charlie plans to simply take Lola’s measurements and design a pair of red boots.  He really doesn’t want her to visit the factory because he feels his workers won’t be welcoming and he is a bit embarrassed by Lola.  Sensing his discomfort, Lola immediately heads to the factory.

Once there, Charlie dramatically reveals the rather sensible boots he’s made, which is quite impressive considering they are burgundy thigh-highs.  Lola hates them and insists on a sexy heel.  Predictably, many of the factory workers are uncomfortable with Lola’s presence, especially ultra-masculine Don (played by Nick Frost!).

Whatevs, I’d wear them.  They look comfy.

Charlie manages to talk to Lola when she locks herself in the bathroom (which feels incredibly relevant in light of recent awful American legislation [looking at you, North Carolina]).  They bond over their broken dreams and shared weight of their fathers’ disapproval.

Lola extends an olive branch to Don by asking him to write things she can do to make her more of a man in his eyes; in exchange, he will do the same for Lola.  Additionally, Lola and Charlie regroup and plan to go to Milan with their designs to do some kind of fashion thing (I TRIED really hard to care about shoes/fashion while watching this with varying levels of success).

Everything seems to be going swimmingly.  That is, until Charlie gets really insecure and calls Lola the worst of both sexes.  Suddenly the team is down a model just before their big premiere in Milan.

Also Charlie’s fiancé dumps him.  It’s rather a low point for him, but that’s what happens when you act like a dick.

Yeah, Nick Frost and Chiwetel Ejiofor arm wrestle in this.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I really enjoyed the beginning of this film but feel it lost steam somewhere along the way.  Partly because it was a bit too Charlie-centric when Lola was the more interesting character.  Chiwetel Ejiofor is absolutely amazing in this.  Joel Edgerton, isn’t bad, esp. when you consider how scary he was in The Great Gatsby.  However, he has much less to work with as he plays the sort of stuffy British everyman who is attractive in a reliable sort of way.

As someone who isn’t overly keen about shoes/fashion, I feel a bit of it was lost on me.  Definitely worth a watch and I can see how this would make a fucking fabulous musical.  Holy shit, I really want to see the musical now.

Does Christa think this film would be a sexy shoe or a sensible sneaker?  Find out here!