Spontaneous, or: Let’s Blow This Popsicle Stand

*Spoilers follow*

Another week, another group of teens facing nightmarish pseudo-apocalyptic scenarios. Mob rule? Trolls referred to only as goblins? This week, the worst horror anyone will encounter is the inner self. More specifically, the inner self very literally and suddenly becoming external.

The Film:

Spontaneous

The Ramble:

Drifting off during an especially dull class lecture, senior Mara Carlyle is in for a rude awakening when a classmate explodes before her very eyes. Not in the metaphorical sense; the girl sitting before her is human-shaped in one moment, a mere spatter of blood and guts the next.

After the incident, all of the students are rounded up for questioning and observation. Unbeknownst to Mara, her dry remark that the authorities are waiting for a similar accident to happen again is extremely prescient. Not only that, but her words act as a spark for her classmates to live life to the fullest as they face the dread of wondering who may be next.

Following the explosion, Mara navigates her feelings (badly) with bff Tess–making sarcastic cracks at various tributes to their classmate, lacing her coffee with a nausea-inducing amount of shrooms. While Mara decides seizing the day means making self-destructive decisions, classmate Dylan determines now could be the only opportunity to reveal his long-term crush on her. Holding back Mara’s hair while she throws up, their romance is off to a…dreamy(?) start.

As Mara gets to know Dylan better, the unexpected explosions of their classmates seem to happen everywhere they go, from football games to parties. While school is cancelled, Dylan buys a vintage milk truck with his college savings and he officially becomes Mara’s boyfriend.

However, the explosions escalate, prompting the government to intervene by developing a new drug to cure the so-called Covington Curse. After weeks in a pop-up biomedical research facility, the cure seems to be available at last: a pill that all of the teens seem to be destined to take for the rest of their lives.

It might be a nice conclusion for our main characters if things ended here, no? Sadly, the new pill isn’t quite as effective as promised, and it’s not long before another series of explosions rock the community.

How many more teens will blow up before they even make it to graduation?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I’ve kept things vague as there are a number of important plot twists/tonal shifts (which you could easily look up) that I’m reluctant to dish on here. I can’t say they’re entirely unexpected, but they may not be where you imagine the film to go when you first dive in.

I like the premise here a lot, and the approach the film takes to examining the impact of the explosions rather than trying to unpack a reason why lends it some realism. I appreciate that we don’t get a satisfactory explanation for the explosions, though they could stand in for any number of existential issues teens struggle with as they try to imagine a future that’s not utterly terrifying. It’s powerful as well that so many of the teens blame themselves for these events that are beyond their control.

Mara’s sarcastic eye-rolling is immediately relatable, and she is very darkly funny. Her observations about the choice of “Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye” to memorialize a classmate, as well as the dramatic peeling away of part of a stick figure family member car decal stand out most to me. However, after a while, Mara seems to be written as a character who is not especially feminist; she’s meant to be a cool girl who’s so chill that she would never stoop to calling you out for a “your mom” joke. There are a number of attitudes/lines of dialogue that seem written for a teen boy, or at the very least someone who claims to be a humanist rather than a feminist.

Overall, the characterization isn’t a strength of this film. The supporting characters are completely flat; it drives me nuts that Tess isn’t given anything to do except be the best friend who is immediately sidelined for a romantic plot (and the romance is a major focus of the film). There are some additional layers to unpack there considering Tess is the only person of color who gets a significant amount of screen time. And Dylan is a total sweetheart, but it’s irritating that he’s written to be a character who has absolutely no flaws. I’m automatically suspicious of a dude who seems perfect from the beginning.

There are some issues with tone here too, as the story struggles to blend Mara’s cynical sarcasm, the romance of first love, and the existential horror of living through disaster. It’s surprisingly poignant as things wrap up, but it doesn’t quite bring the different elements together smoothly.

That being said, I did enjoy this one quite a lot…and I’m never going to be mad about watching a film that on multiple occasions tells our most recent former US president to fuck off.

Would my blog wife peel off a stick figure family decal in this one’s honor or vindictively hope she’s around so see it spontaneously explode? Find out in her review!

Rubber: Tired of Waiting

First Film of BLOOD Month:

Rubber

Where to Watch:

Netflix, Hoopla

The Premise:

A tire goes on a killing rampage in the desert (Is the title of this post making you cringe now?).

The Trailer:

Doing my best to include a link to the trailer for movies I critique from now on, when possible.

The Uncondensed Version:

With this movie, the prologue is essential. Through the bizarre sequence of non-sequiturs that occur, we learn that, like many other things in both art and life, there is no reason. To begin with, a car drives up to a man standing in the desert holding a dozen or so pairs of binoculars. The car hits a series of chairs in the middle of the road, breaking them all; when it stops, a police officer steps out of the trunk of the car and begins his monologue to the camera about the lack of reason in a few films: ET, Love Story, JFK, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Pianist. He then empties a glass of water onto the sand and gets back in the trunk. After all of this, it is revealed there is a small group of people, who receive binoculars to watch the events about to unfold.

Probably not the wisest move in a desert.

First, there is life. Or at least animation. The tire gets up and starts rolling (by the way, my cat did NOT appreciate these sound effects).

The tire starts small, rolling over and crushing a water bottle, then a scorpion. It approaches a glass bottle that is not so easily destroyed. Not to worry—at this point, the tire discovers its telekinetic powers. Or, rather it discovers the ability to blow things up with its mind. So 2 important questions: 1. Is this a form of telekinesis? 2. Do tires have minds?

As the sun sets, the tire decides to rest. The audience goes to sleep as well. In the morning, the guy with the binoculars wakes them up and they continue to observe the tire blowing things up. It blows up a bunny, which is kind of sad.

The tire’s rampage is interrupted when a young woman in a convertible drives by. It’s kind of difficult to tell if the tire has a crush on her or wants to kill her. After the tire makes her car break down, it’s just about to catch up to her when a man in a pick-up truck drives by, hitting the tire. Now the tire is really enraged.

When it catches up to the pick-up truck guy, the tire makes his head explode.

BLOOOOOOOOD. EXPLOSIONS. I know this is what you’ve been suffering through this post for.

The tire then follows the girl in the convertible to a shady motel. Also in the motel is the binoculars guy, who is slaughtering a turkey in his room. What. He then brings the turkey to the audience members, who fight over their first meal in days (with the exception of this middle-aged guy in a wheelchair).

The tire is taking a shower when the maid comes in and throws it out. This is not wise.

We also meet the owner of the motel and his emo son. The emo kid puts 2 and 2 together, figuring out the tire is the murderer. Of course, no one listens to the emo kid.

Nobody understands me! The world is indifferent to my suffering! I wear this camo because I’m fighting a secret war against ALL of you!

As the police attempt to solve the murders, the policeman from earlier interrupts the scene and informs them the audience is dead; therefore, they can all go home now. Minutes later, he receives word that one spectator is still alive, so they have to continue with the production. The binoculars guy renews his efforts to get the guy in the wheelchair to eat something; instead, the binoculars guy eats the poisoned food and dies.

After the tire kills the emo kid’s dad, it’s on the run from the police. There is an extremely high speed chase with the tire that ends poorly for the police. The tire continues its rampage.

Later, the police locate the tire camped out in someone’s house and set up a trap for it. They attach a bomb to a mannequin, which they leave outside of the house. After they ring the doorbell, the girl in the convertible reads from a truly terrible script, encouraging the tire to blow up the mannequin. At this point, the guy in the wheelchair intervenes, telling the actors that this scene makes no sense.

Finally, the policeman goes into the house and shoots the tire. Then, in a shocking plot twist, the tire is reincarnated as a tricycle. The tricycle kills the guy in the wheelchair and rallies its fellow tires to take down Hollywood.

75% of these tires will be getting implants.

The Critique:

I don’t even know where to begin. This is a pretty funny movie, but it’s also so strange. I liked it, but it also endlessly confuses me.

The Rating:

I honestly have no clue if this is the smartest or the stupidest movie I’ve ever seen.

I’m going to have to break out half Pink Panther heads for this.

3.5/5 Pink Panther heads