Sierra Burgess Is a Loser, or: Stranger Teens

Another week, another film that’s just whatever we feel like.  This week brings us to perhaps the only place as scary as our current political climate:  high school.

The Film:

Sierra Burgess Is a Loser

The Premise:

In a case of mistaken identity, band nerd Sierra begins a relationship via text with with popular yet sensitive quarterback Jamey.

The Ramble:

In the high school pecking order, Sierra Burgess is…well, nowhere near the top of the pyramid.  A legacy student at her exclusive high school, Sierra is smart and ambitious, but her insecurities are holding her back.  With a mother who is gorgeous and successful, and a father who is a writer of some renown, Sierra lives in the shadow of her parents.

Though Sierra is a talented writer and student of literature, she feels perpetually insufficient.  And, despite her good grades and involvement with the marching band, Sierra doesn’t stand out enough to make it to her dream school, Stanford.

After resident mean girl Veronica gives new quarterback Jamey Sierra’s number, chaos ensues.  Jamey, believing he has Veronica’s number, strikes up a conversation via text.  Sierra, realizing Jamey has texted her mistakenly, decides to have fun with this and keep up the ruse.

Sierra’s impulsive decision becomes a lot more sustainable after Veronica’s college boyfriend breaks up with her.  When Sierra comforts her, she has a proposition:  Sierra will tutor Veronica to help her impress her ex, while Veronica will help Sierra keep up the charade.

As Sierra tutors Veronica, she realizes a difficult home life has made studying nearly impossible so far.  Veronica’s mother constantly body shames her and reminds her to be pretty for the boys.  Meanwhile, Veronica’s sisters, child beauty pageant contestants, are free to run wild and screaming around the house.  Sierra does manage to impart some sage advice anyway, such as that Nietzsche is comparable to a sexy German vampire.

In exchange, Veronica provides selfies, Face Time sessions, and even a date IRL.  The whole premise becomes implausible so quickly, especially when Sierra switches places with Veronica and smooches Jamey without him noticing.  Seriously, dude, this is how people die in horror movies.

However unlikely it may be, the plan is more or less working out.  Though Sierra repeatedly tells herself she will tell Jamey the truth, she continues to delay the inevitable.  The truth does out in an especially ugly way after Sierra witnesses a kiss between Jamey and Veronica.  As Sierra and Veronica have become good friends, Sierra feels utterly betrayed and lashes out in a very public arena.

Can Sierra make things right with Veronica and Jamey?  Can she beat the odds and get into Stanford?  Will she be able to embrace her gift with words?  Spoiler:  this isn’t exactly the kind of a film with a shocking twist ending.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Ugh, teens.

I got really hung up (no pun intended) on Veronica’s ability to recall Sierra’s phone number from memory just to fuck with her.  Do you know anyone’s phone number at this point, let alone the phone number of someone you disdain utterly?

Also Jamey is straight up boring.  Sierra and Veronica’s relationship is way more compelling.  Even though I am in favor of strong female friendships that have no romantic undertones whatsoever, I am also strongly in favor of non-heteronormative relationships, and Sierra/Veronica have way more chemistry than Sierra/Jamey.  If the so-called gay agenda is to steal romantic films for their own stories, they have succeeded.  Hetero love is boring.

Perhaps the larger problem is how fucking creepy Sierra’s actions are.  In the age of internet dating where people (looking at you, men) deliberately mislead others and perpetrate acts of violence, Sierra’s choices feel especially problematic.  At a certain point, Sierra goes from sweet and awkward to manipulative and sketchy AF.  And even though the message is to some degree about not judging others based on their appearance, Jamey’s looks are initially the only thing Sierra knows about him.

In conclusion, I’m way too cynical for this shit.

Would my blog wife text this one back or ghost its creepy ass?  Read her review here to find out!

Atomic Falafel, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Noms

Appropriately for March Madness, this week’s film is about what happens when petty, short-sighted megalomaniacs control frighteningly destructive weapons in ways that are in no way reflective of the reality we currently live in.

The Film:

Atomic Falafel

The Premise:

With Iran and Israel on the brink of nuclear war, it’s up to two teen girls, a hacker, a German, and a falafel truck to save the world.

The Ramble:

Present-day Israel.  Secret underground bunker.  Scale model of the desert with…toy planes?  Though all of the elements of a spy thriller are there (including sinister eye patches and intimidating beards), it’s clear early on that the men assembled are a bunch of bumbling fools.  Unfortunately, they may be just unhinged enough to end life on Earth as we know it.

You know you’re one of the good guys if you have an eye patch AND well-groomed facial hair.

Convinced of Iran’s plans to unleash nuclear war, the Israeli military decides they must strike first with their own secret nuclear weapons.  The catch?  They have only a matter of days to strike, and must first survive a visit from a UN-type committee examining their nuclear facilities.  The plan is to fool the inspectors and then proceed to annihilating Iran (and likely a significant chunk of other countries in the process).

Ha ha ha…ha?

Since we’ve taken care of the “atomic” part of the title, on to the falafel.  Mimi and her teenage daughter, Nofar, run a falafel truck whose main business comes from following the military around during maneuvers and offering the only meal option for miles around.  Pretty nifty strategy.

Gilmore Girls I guess?  But with falafel?

Helping with the business is taking a toll on Nofar, who is falling behind in class,  letting her short temper get the best of her, and making no progress with her cautious hacker boyfriend.  In an effort to distract Mimi from her daughter’s shortcomings, Nofar is determined to set her up with a new man.

Enter Oli, stage right–the German member of the visiting committee and, coincidentally, the only moderately good looking one.  After Mimi’s overly spicy food sends Oli to the hospital, he conveniently recovers at her house.  While Mimi and Oli bond, they are unaware that the Israeli government wants Oli out ASAP, even attempting to blackmail Mimi into persuading him to leave.

The fist bump:  a universal symbol of human bonding.

Meanwhile, Nofar has befriended Sharareh, a teen girl who has recently moved to a small town in Iran.  Initially trying to get help with her family tree project, Nofar really connects with Sharareh and discovers she’s an aspiring rapper.

And has a pretty sweet recording studio set up in her room.

It just gets even more bananas from here on out, with government officials hacking into Nofar’s Facebook account in an attempt to humiliate her.  She gets the last laugh when a CD with important codes falls into her hands.  That is, until she realizes that just as Israel plans to strike in a matter of days, Iran will do the same.  Worse, Israel will strike Sharareh’s hometown.

How will this group of meddling kids prevent nuclear disaster when they’re the only ones acting like adults?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Taking many cues from Dr. Strangelove, this film is a fun, silly romp.  I half expected several characters to tear off their masks to reveal Peter Sellers.  However, this is significantly more optimistic with some moments of very dark humor and absurd satire.

This may also be the most positive depiction of social media I’ve ever seen on screen.  Facebook and even this sort of Chatroulette type thing where Nofar and Sharareh meet have the power to bring people together across difference here, rather than devolving into the usual festering mass of extremist hate groups we all know and love.

I should’ve jumped on this film when it came out as it would’ve been funnier 3 years ago–or really at any point when the US leadership wasn’t threatening other unhinged narcissists with annihilation every other week.

I honestly do believe if anything can bring us world peace, it’s falafel.

Would my Queen of Falafel go back for seconds or push the big red button instead?  Read her review here to find out!

Burn Burn Burn, or: Three’s a Crowd

This week’s film sadly wraps up our November theme with a film that made me think of my blog wife immediately.  A British road trip comedy about two women scattering their best friend’s ashes?  I know Christa would make that trip 10,000x more fun than the one in this week’s pick.

The Film:

Burn Burn Burn

The Premise:

Two women embark on a road trip to scatter their friend’s ashes in this loose adaptation of On the Road.

The Ramble:

Before we delve into this film any further, let’s get this out of the way:  one of the leads in this film is Edith from Downton Abbey (Laura Carmichael), which is thoroughly inescapable.  However, her character here is significantly more likeable and inclined to expressing genuine emotion.

Anyway.  During the funeral reception for their best friend Dan, Seph and Alex are hit with the bombshell news that Dan has left his ashes to them.  While dying of cancer, he made a series of videos instructing them on the 4 places where he’d like his ashes to scatter.  However, Alex and Seph aren’t too keen on the idea of a morbidly death-centric road trip.  Both have (rather boring) jobs and steady relationships to maintain, so they decide to return to their usual routine.

Back to the humdrum existence of making presentations about yogurt while wearing penguin sweaters.

Of course, this would be a very short film if the story were that simple.  After Alex’s girlfriend turns out to be a cheater and Seph finally loses patience with her terrible job as a nanny, the two women hit the road.  Not before Seph threatens Alex’s girlfriend in a rather touching scene and experience the uncomfortable truth about Dan’s resentful relationship with his mother.  Is it too late to save that relationship?

Why is everything Alex does in this film so damn relateable???

The first stop on the journey is Glastonbury Abbey, though the tour guide at the abbey warns Seph and Alex they can’t scatter the ashes due to badgers(?!).  They do eventually reach a compromise and seem to be going forth rather uneventfully until they receive an invitation to party that evening.  Alex is reluctant to go along as we subscribe to the same school of thought when it comes to parties–what is a party for if not standing around looking uncomfortable and vaguely annoyed?

I’ve been there, Alex.

IDK what kind of party this is supposed to be, but it’s in a barn, features many party-goers in masks, and ends with the burning of a giant straw effigy.  As far as cults go, perhaps one of the more harmless ones (unless you’re a straw effigy).

The next day, several of the party-goers/cult members join Alex and Seph on their trip.  Their leader, Adam, is insufferable when everyone around him is sober, so it’s not long before our duo finds a way to ditch his crowd.

This shot is significantly less effective with only 2 people.

After Seph and Alex arrive at the next stop in Cardiff, tensions begin to roil.  Since Alex’s mother lives in Cardiff, the two stay with her but experience obvious tension.  Later, Seph hooks up with a guy she meets at a club that night.  Still reeling after discovering her girlfriend’s infidelity, Alex becomes furious with Seph, making for an unpleasant drive to York.

I HATE IT WHEN YOU TWO FIGHT.

As Dan’s video messages go on, he becomes increasingly bitter, expressing anger towards his mother, the petty concerns of his friends and their inability to really live.  Dan crosses a line when he’s a bit too on the nose about Alex and Seph, who reconsider the trip altogether.  Will Seph and Alex be able to honor Dan’s final wishes?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

The relationship between Alex and Seph is the driving force behind this film, and succeeds in its strength and believability.  At times they judge each other, disagree, and disapprove, but at the end of the day support and love each other.

I also love the dialogue here, especially early on.  It’s very sharp, clever dialogue that reveals the nature of the two leads while embracing quite dark humor.  One of Alex’s lines about the number of children who die while someone is eating a yogurt cracked me up.

Two criticisms, however.  One:  Dan seems like the kind of person who would annoy the bejeezus out of me in real life.  He imagines himself this cool, laid-back rebel who’s dropping truth bombs left and right, but comes across as more of a lazy asshole who sits around providing commentary for other people’s lives instead of getting his shit together.  The bigger problem is the uneven tone of this film.  It’s initially very funny with admittedly very dark humor at times.  As it wraps up, though, it becomes a much more tragic story that meanders a bit.  Throw in the wise old hitchhiker trope and it becomes difficult to take it all seriously even though the finale of this film is quite sad.

Was Christa along for the ride or would she leave it stranded at the gas station?  Read her review here to find out!

Tangerine, or: Donut Underestimate Me

This month’s theme is Blog Free or Die Hard.  Unexpectedly, our secondary theme for this month is the importance of donuts in friendship.  Girl Asleep and Tangerine don’t have a lot in common…but they do share donuts.

The Film:

Tangerine

The Premise:

Remember that movie shot entirely on iPhones?  It’s also one of the first films to gain wide(ish) recognition for its representation of trans women of color.

The Ramble:

After serving a short prison sentence, Sin-Dee is catching up with her bff Alexandra over a donut on Christmas Eve.  Donut singular as Sin-Dee is broke as a joke after being unable to work for the past month.  Both ladies are trans sex workers in LA, which is a niche but pretty in-demand corner of the market.

Alexandra accidentally lets it slip that Sin-Dee’s boyfriend, Chester, couldn’t even go the past month without cheating on her with a cis white girl.  Enraged, Sin-Dee decides to track down the girl, Dinah, and make her regret the day she was born.

Meanwhile, Alexandra is promoting her event tonight, where she’ll sing at a dive bar.  She invites Razmik, a cab driver and regular client.  Razmik is Armenian with about 8 family members to support, including his wife and young child.

Alexandra agrees to help Sin-Dee find Dinah and Chester as long as they don’t stir up too much drama.  Sin-Dee breaks this promise pretty quickly and heads off on her own to the food line, a motel, and a donut shop–pissing off virtually everyone she comes across.

When Sin-Dee does find Dinah, she drags her to the bar where Alexandra is performing in an effort to multi-task.  Though Sin-Dee and Dinah begin understandably at odds, they do bond over make-up and meth.

Razmik tries to make it to the show but arrives too late.  Hoping to see Alexandra, he tells his family he needs to keep working on Christmas Eve.  Suspicious, his mother-in-law hires a cab driver to track Razmik down and uncover the truth.

In the mean time, Sin-Dee, Alexandra, and Dinah have finally managed to track down Chester.  Razmik has also caught up with our crew, along with his mother-in-law, wife, and child.  It’s all about to go down at Donut Time.

If shit’s going down, it may as well be at a location reliably stocked with donuts.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I tried really hard to like Sin-Dee, but she annoyed me quite a lot throughout the film.  I liked Alexandra a lot better, and the dynamic between the two women made this worth watching–and Dinah makes a surprisingly fitting addition to the team.  Sin-Dee was a bit of an impulsive drama queen, while Alexandra was off in the corner making snide remarks (which I relate to on a fundamental level).

Chester is a total sleaze, but does add some unexpected humor to the film, delivering lines like “You get my ass thrown out of donut time?!” with conviction.  He’s not a likeable character but, like everyone in the film, feels multi-dimensional and real.  I would’ve liked to see him suffer a bit more, honestly (evidence that I’ve become a full-blown sociopath?).

This is a beautifully shot film, and you forget completely that it’s known primarily as the movie shot entirely with iPhones.  The characters are engaging and lively, and our two leads are absolutely the highlight.

Minor point of contention: I don’t remember the title being explained or anyone ever mentioning tangerines.  I’m sure I’m being too literal here, but it drives me nuts that I don’t understand the title.

Would Christa share a donut or two with this one or drag it around town with only one shoe?  Read her review here to find out!

Feminist February: Arranged

Kicking off Feminist February is a film directed by and starring women surrounding arranged marriages.  Is it possible to have a feminist movie about arranged marriages?  Based on this month’s blog theme, the answer will probably not surprise you.

The Film:

Arranged

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

Two Brooklyn teachers of different religious backgrounds find friendship in anticipation of their arranged marriages.

The Uncondensed Version:

Rochel is a young Orthodox Jew beginning her first year as a teacher in a Brooklyn elementary school.  She finds a kindred spirit in Nasira, a young Muslim woman from Syria.  Both live with their families, are committed to their faiths, and are in the process of negotiating their impending arranged marriages.  Significantly, both experience some major BS from well-meaning women who suggest Nasira’s hijab actually attracts unwanted attention, thus defeating its purpose, and chastises Rochel’s conservative wardrobe for concealing her beauty.

Bitch, please

In the classroom, Rochel and Nasira teach their students about tolerance, which is pretty unrealistic since it’s not content that appears on a standardized test.  Meanwhile, they contend with the principal’s horrifically inappropriate tirades against conservative religions and tells the two women they’re so smart except for the religion thing.  HOW.  WHY.

Outside of the classroom, Rochel contends with her family’s expectation that she marry ASAP, the matchmaker charged with finding her a nice Orthodox boy, and a series of disastrous dates.  Despite her reservations, her mother and aunt insist she continue with the process.

Universal look of disapproving relatives everywhere

The approach Nasira’s family takes is to set her up with a friend of her father’s, who is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older and shares nothing in common with Nasira.  When she approaches her father about her concerns, he listens (!?!?!?!) and doesn’t press the issue (!!?!??!?!).  My expectations of men are exceedingly low this Feminist February, so I was pleasantly surprised.

As Nasira and Rochel’s friendship grows, they experience some major side-eye from their families, and initially Nasira isn’t welcome even to go over and work on lesson plans at Rochel’s.  If anything, my biggest complaint is that this tension is glossed over, never completely addressed or resolved.

Eventually, Nasira’s father introduces her to a young engineer who is a much better conversationalist and is just prettier, frankly.

Shared interests:  unblinking staring and sitting really uncomfortably on couches

Rochel, on the other hand, is burnt out with these horrible dates and finally decides enough is enough.  After a major fight with her mom, Rochel leaves home to stay with her cousin, the black sheep of the family who broke away from Orthodox traditions years ago.  Rochel has some serious decisions to make about what she wants her future to be.

Rebellion = wearing polos and ducking out of parties early.

Sensing her friend’s unhappiness, Nasira intervenes to set her up with the perfect guy.  Does her plan succeed or backfire completely?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is light on plot, but I really appreciated the simplicity of this film.  The shared traditions of two religions who have been portrayed as hostile to each other are highlighted, and the differences are acknowledged but fall aside.  At the same time, the oversimplification of religious tension is sometimes a bit difficult to manage.

It’s nice to see conservative religions depicted positively since they are so often dismissed as being completely bizarre or antiquated.  On the other hand, there is some tension hinted at in the form of Rochel’s cousin being cut off after rejected Orthodox Judaism, but this is glossed over.  As mentioned earlier, both families are prejudiced towards the other, but no one acknowledges it.

All of this aside, this is essentially a story about friendship across cultural and religious divides.  Nasira and Rochel have a very sweet, drama-free friendship.  It’s so refreshing to have a story about this rather than a melodramatic forbidden love story.

I also really loved the treatment of teachers as people in this—most teachers in movies I can think of are only there to courageously educate and inspire the youth.  Which is a noble mission, but I find it difficult to believe every classroom looks like it comes straight out of Stand and Deliver.

This isn’t necessarily a modern classic, but it’s quite sweet and succeeds in making a very different lifestyle feel comfortable and routine.

Was this film a perfect match for my blog wife or would she ditch it to party in Brooklyn?  Find out by reading her review here!