I do acknowledge that I have failed to consider the negative consequences of some of my tags on this blog. Number of times I’ve used the tags “lesbians,” “Nazis,” “gross,” “Masters of Sex,” and “creepy old men”? Mistake. Big mistake.
However, I really don’t think I could’ve foreseen the “slippers” tag going so horribly wrong. I used that particular tag for a photo of my fuzzy blue slippers (you can’t even see my ankles) without thinking about you and the other creeps of the internet.
It’s a strange world we live in when you search for “slippers fetish out” and get my blog as one of your results. Sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not going to find porn on this blog. I admit I am a bit more cautious when tagging my posts now. Creeps of the internet, I don’t want you here any more than I’m sure you want to be here.
I suppose you might argue that if I don’t want creeps to visit my blog, I could always just stop blogging because that’s probably the kind of person you are. Fuck it, though, right? I could post a picture of my elbow and some weird dude would get turned on. If I avoided doing something every time someone made me uncomfortable, I would never leave the house again (it’s so tempting, isn’t it?). There’s no way I’m going to stop posting pictures of my slippers/elbows/whatnot. I have pretty sexy elbows, honestly.
I hope you find the fuzziest slippers in existence and are very happy with them.
P.S. Fellow bloggers, what are the weirdest search terms that have brought people to your blog? The librarian in me loves this kind of shit.
A nurse who targets cheaters for murder becomes obsessed with a new young nurse at the hospital.
The Uncondensed Version:
Our film tells the story of Abby Russell, nurse by day, serial killer by night. She picks up cheating scumbags and kills them.
All of Abby’s plans are temporarily put on hold when she becomes obsessed with the nurse she’s training, Danni. Danni is totally oblivious to Abby’s scheming, as she’s young, naïve, and dating Corbin Bleu (who, to be honest, is looking really pretty). Their relationship is a little rocky as he wants Danni to move in, but she is reluctant to take the next step.
Even though Danni is officially a nurse now, she is unprepared when her first critically injured patients come in after being involved in a car accident. The shadiest asshole doctor yells at her to “get in the game,” which I’m 99% sure is a reference to High School Musical.
After her freeze-up, Danni vents to Abby in the locker room. Danni also discovers her stepfather, a psychiatrist, is having an affair. Abby invites Danni out for drinks, which basically turns into an evening of debauchery. Danni hooks up with both Abby and a stranger they meet at the club after Abby drugs her. Abby is sure to get photo documentation that she can use later as blackmail. At this point, I’ve already lost count of the number of times Abby has gotten naked.
The next morning, Danni just wants to forget everything that happened, but Abby is not about to let that happen. Later, she picks up the stepfather and kills him. When Danni comes to her apartment that night, Abby slips up a bit, and Danni realizes Abby’s role in her stepfather’s death.
Meanwhile, the hospital hires an incredibly perky HR director, Rachel, who gives smiley face stickers to everyone. Rachel comments that Abby looks just like her neighbor Sarah, who was institutionalized at age 8. As it turns out, Abby’s sad story is that, as a child, she and her mother walked in on her father’s affair with a nurse. When her father attacked her mother, Sarah/Abby killed him. Abby decides now is an opportune time for her to invite Rachel out for drinks. This is not going to end well for you, Rachel.
Abby makes Danni believe that she’s killed Rachel, so Danni just looks insane when she calls the police. According to Abby, Danni is the one obsessed with her and may have been involved in the death of her stepfather.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m going to wrap this up because (a) I have a cold or terrible allergies or both and (b) I found this movie pretty tedious.
Suffice it to say there are a LOT of murders towards the end of this movie and even more shots of Paz de la Huerta wearing little to no clothing.
I was frequently distracted by the terrible acting in this movie, basically on all fronts. I felt like Paz de la Huerta was pretty much doing an impression of Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. Memorable lines she deadpanned: “Call me whatever the fuck you want” and “Are you a no-good cheating son of a bitch?”
The plot was also not original at all, and was more about Paz de la Huerta getting naked than development of interesting plot/characters. Abby’s motivations seemed weak at best, and fuck you, men, if you say she was insane or unbalanced. I’m just really tired of women being dismissed as crazy in worlds both fictional and real.
2/5 Pink Panther Heads
I wanted this movie to be much more empowering than it was, but it just felt like an 11-year-old boy’s fantasy.