Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas, or: Tea & Sympathy

*Spoilers follow*

As 2021 winds down, we have just one more Christmas film filled with cheesy goodness for the Collab. Luckily, we know ourselves well enough to avoid anything with princes, corporate executives, or hard-working single parents. On the other hand, a title with a play on ghosting done in poor taste along with best friends navigating LA and dreaming of tea blend competitions that don’t sound made up at all? Extremely our jam.

The Film:

Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas

The Premise:

After a young woman dies following a perfect first date, she becomes a ghost and must determine how to ascend to the next plane.

The Ramble:

Los Angeles roomies Jess and Kara seem to be opposites in virtually every element of their lives, yet have remained bffs for years. Adventurous Jess hasn’t met a plan she’s followed through on, always seeking a new hobby, date, or job. Meanwhile, solitary Kara is content to stay indoors, making the apartment feel cozy and full of good energy.

On a fateful night when Jess heads out for a first date with a new match, Kara is perfectly fine with being at home, perfecting the special tea blends that are her passion. Though Jess isn’t too thrilled about the evening, she quickly changes her tune when she bonds with her date, aspiring artist Ben. Ecstatic on her drive home, Jess takes a moment to check a text from Ben…which turns out to be the last thing she does.

Following her death, Jess experiences an unusual phenomenon: she haunts her own funeral. The only person more confused in all of this is Kara, who appears to be the only person who can see and hear her bff. Seeking guidance in these spiritual matters, Kara meets with her expert…energy healer(?), who advises her client that ghosts may be unable to move on because of love.

Around this time, Ben begins to feel disappointment that Jess never replied to his text after a great date. After an offhand remark that his sister Mae makes about assuming anyone who has ghosted to be dead, the two are chagrined when they learn the truth. However, they have the chance to make things right when Kara has a meet cute bumping into Mae at a farmers’ market…and Jess realizes there’s one other person who can see and hear her.

But will Ben agree to essentially date a ghost on the chance it could help Jess ascend to the next plane? And will Kara process her own grief and pursue her dreams or be forever stuck in limbo along with Jess?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This film is really sweet, and making Jess and Kara’s friendship the center of our story is a good call. It’s much more believable that a close, long-lasting friendship needs closure than a possible romance following a first date. The way Jess and Kara support and encourage each other even after death is cute. On a shallow note, our leads have some great outfits and I’m extremely envious of their apartment (which they can somehow afford in LA).

That being said, the script does have some problems, specifically when it comes to the spirit plane. The characters joke how poorly defined the rules are for ghosts in this world, but it still doesn’t make up for how little attention was given to defining what is and isn’t possible for ghosts. Jess walks on floors but can’t touch or open doors. She can sit on a bicycle but can’t turn the pedals. Jess’s best friend and potential boyfriend can see her, but her parents can’t. And no one can touch Jess or feel her touch…except for when they can. I consume too much sci-fi/fantasy to let that slide.

Additionally, I really hated the end, particularly the last couple of scenes. There’s a scene between Jess and Ben that reveals his death around a year later, and it’s played off pretty casually. In this version of the next plane, spirits get to hang out at a bar forever, which (a) sounds terrible and (b) really cheapens the message of our film. Two people have died tragically young, but it’s all good in the end because they get to drink in heaven for eternity, and this is…a happy resolution? This scene really took me out of the movie as the tone felt all wrong. Overall, it’s fairly charming and a bit more memorable than some other generic Christmas rom-com fare.

Would my blog wife take this one out for a ghostly date or refuse to even make it a weak cup of tea? Read her review to find out!

Silent Night, or: Mistakes Were Made

*Spoilers follow*

You can basically blame capitalism for our detour from the cheery Christmas path we’d planned for December. That, or the even more powerful forces behind the Hallmark Channel’s vice-like grip on its new seasonal content. With limited options streaming for the week, we’ve retreated to the familiar territory of holiday horror…though this route is still leading us through some unexpected twists.

The Film:

Silent Night

The Premise:

As a group of friends gather for Christmas, a secret threatens to cut the festivities–and even their lives–short.

The Ramble:

Things are looking festive all-round as Nell and Simon host their annual Christmas dinner for a group of childhood friends. Enjoying the holidays surrounded by the comforts of a large country estate certainly can’t hurt. However, as posh people who have known each other for a long time, it seems like a safe bet that secrets will surface and drama will erupt.

The children aren’t an exception, and Nell and Simon’s boys are less than thrilled to reunite with Kitty, spoiled only child of couple Sandra and Tony. Very much a daddy’s girl used to getting her own way, Kitty has a rather strained relationship with her mother.

Also in attendance are Bella and her sober girlfriend Alex, as well as oncologist James and his significantly younger (and pregnant) girlfriend, Sophie. Sandra, now married to kind but boring Tony, is transparently in love with James and resents the hell out of Sophie.

As the day goes on, it becomes increasingly obvious that something terrible lurks beneath the pasted-on grins of the attendees. Over-emphasizing the evening’s importance for love and forgiveness, Nell maintains a smile even when serving one single potato to each guest.

Sophie earns no favors when she lets the cat out of the bag in front of the children, revealing that the main event that night will not be Christmas itself, but a mass suicide. After years of destroying the Earth’s atmosphere, humans have inadvertently created a massive cloud of poison gas that is set to roll through the English countryside…right about now. The UK government’s solution? Provide as many of its citizens as possible with suicide pills to avoid the agony of a slow, painful death.

As the evening wears on, Nell and Simon’s eldest son Art becomes more and more determined to avoid taking the pill, as he believes there may still be hope. Similarly, Sophie cannot accept that her baby won’t even have a chance to live, and expresses her own reluctance to voluntarily end her life.

Will anyone in the house (or the world) manage to make it past Christmas?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Oooof, I haven’t been this emotionally devastated by a film ostensibly about Christmas since the WWI-set Joyeux Noel. I suppose there’s no reason to avoid the topic of climate change in Christmas horror…but does it have to be so bleak?

And I am willing to personally fight any and all members of the marketing team for this movie. We were promised a darkly funny Christmas murder fest, and there was no joy whatsoever to be found in the film we got.

There’s a bit of humor to be found in the abysmal (and quite accurate) global response to climate change (and having a fucking app for a mass suicide plan), as well as the adults’ emphasis on the whole situation not being their fault. But mostly all of this is far too real to do anything but further spiral down the rabbit hole of climate anxiety.

I’ll credit the cast here, as well as the festive Christmas ambience…that exists largely as a stark contrast to the horror outside. Overall, though, I couldn’t particularly enjoy this one, and I’d much rather a serial killer dressed as Santa any day of the week.

Would my blog wife take the red pill or…wait, wrong Christmas release? Find out in her review!

Happiest Season, or: Harper’s a Lyre

Global pandemic, climate change, and political instability aside, we are truly living in a renaissance…for made-for-TV romantic Christmas romps. Though like most things streaming, we’re overwhelmed with options, this is also my favorite thing about the rise and rise of Christmas movies. This week’s pick is our 2nd LGBTQ pick of the month…which I don’t think would have even been possible 5 years ago.

The Film:

Happiest Season

The Premise:

A woman invites her girlfriend home for the holidays to meet her family…neglecting to tell anyone that her partner is anything more than a roommate.

The Ramble:

Since her parents died when she was just 19, Abby hasn’t been big on Christmas. She’s perfectly content staying at home to earn that sweet petsitting cash from all of the suckers who will be traveling for the holidays. However, when her girlfriend Harper impulsively invites Abby home to meet the family, she agrees, hoping to make better Christmas memories by proposing(!).

Though Abby has managed to convince her literary agent friend John to care for all of the pets while the couple is away, Harper suddenly reverses course the next day. She finally reveals on the drive to her parents’ home that the reason for her agitation is that she’s never come out to her family and is planning to introduce Abby as her roommate, not girlfriend. It will make things easier over the holidays with Harper’s high-strung family as they navigate her father’s mayoral campaign. Apparently.

The plan is complicated by Abby’s character flaw of being a terrible liar, though Harper’s family is so painfully heteronormative that the possibility of either woman being a lesbian never occurs to a single person. Harper’s parents even invite her ex and childhood friend Connor out for dinner with the family that Abby attends.

In addition to contending with perfectionist parents who have made Harper the favorite, her sister Sloane is fiercely competitive. Seeming to have the perfect family that will look great for campaign photos, Sloane is proud and eager to prove she’s just as accomplished as Harper. Meanwhile, sister Jane plays the role of awkward weirdo, recapping the fantasy novel she’s writing to anyone who will listen, and not quite fitting in with the image-obsessed family.

While making her way around the small town and getting ditched by Harper at parties, Abby meets another of her girlfriend’s exes, Riley. Riley provides a calm & collected sounding board for Abby, who could use a break from Harper’s family…especially after a prank gone awry leads everyone of influence in town to believe Abby is a shoplifter.

Effectively ostracized from the family during their parties and campaign events, Abby begins to question how real her relationship with Harper can be, particularly since there seem to be two completely different sides to her girlfriend. At a certain point, the people-pleasing Harper will have to make a choice between her status as golden child and being true to herself…but will it be too late for her to find happiness?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before about this film, but Harper puts some unbelievably toxic behaviors on display, especially for a Christmas movie where we’re supposed to root for her relationship to work. I say this not only as a major fan of Aubrey Plaza, but as a proponent of functional relationships: Abby deserved better and probably should have ended up with Riley. The chemistry between Kristen Stewart and Aubrey feels more believable, and the character of Riley is way less awful than Harper.

Because the character of Harper dances right up to the edge of ruining this film, we should spend some time dissecting her as a person. Since the POV is mostly Abby’s, Harper comes across as an absolute disaster. We don’t get enough interiority to understand her awful behavior–not that there’s necessarily enough explanation in the world to justify how she acts. The way Harper’s family treats Abby is one thing (and is extremely poor, btw), but the way Harper interacts with her own girlfriend is truly terrible.

Even though I’ve done nothing but complain in this review, I do give the film credit because it is actually well-cast and well-acted for the most part, and the writing for the supporting characters is great. Dan Levy of course steals every scene he’s in, and Mary Holland’s misfit Jane is a character I relate to so much. The saving grace of this film is that it’s surprisingly easy to ignore Harper for the most part since she’s off ditching her girlfriend and sucking up to political influencers. Kristen Stewart and the supporting cast really shine in this one and make it worth the watch.

Would my blog wife propose to this one or go out drinking with drag queens instead? Read her review to find out!

Single All the Way, or: Just for Snow

The more time passes (particularly in our current pandemic existence), the less inclined I feel to embrace my inner Grinch around the holidays. And while I certainly don’t recommend pasting on a smile when you’re really not feeling it, sometimes the horrendous advice “fake it ’til you make it” does help me experience a bit of Christmas cheer even when I could stand to hibernate for the next 7 years at least.

Btw, fake it ’til you make it (and I really should emphasize again that I hate this expression) is advice that probably shouldn’t apply to relationships. But in the gumdrop fantasy Christmas land of feel-good holiday movies, that is the only appropriate approach to romance that lasts all season long.

The Film:

Single All the Way

The Premise:

At home for the holidays, single Peter agrees to a blind date setup while wondering if his roommate/bff could be the man he’s loved all along.

The Ramble:

After close to a decade living together in Los Angeles, bffs Peter and Nick have clearly iterated and reiterated that they absolutely 1000% have no romantic interest in each other. They have supported each other through Peter’s dissatisfaction with his vague, soulless social media advertising job, Nick’s writer’s block after writing a children’s bestseller, and countless breakups and disappointments. But there’s no way Peter and Nick would ever date, a statement that will definitely hold up well if we follow the conventions of similar gentle holiday-themed rom-coms.

This holiday season promises radical change for Peter: instead of being the–horror of horrors–lone sadsack single in a family where everyone is coupled up, Peter is planning to bring home his boyfriend, a gorgeous cardiologist. Too bad the new boyfriend turns out to be shady AF, and meeting the family is quickly ruled out…but not before Peter has strongly implied he plans to bring home a major surprise for Christmas.

Good thing roommate and bff Nick is always there for Peter, and the inevitable fake boyfriend at Christmas scheme is hatched. However, immediately upon arriving in Peter’s small New Hampshire hometown, his mother reveals schemes of her own, namely a blind date with her spin instructor James. Relieved to dodge the fake relationship trope altogether, Nick is all too eager for Peter to go on the date…or is he?

Nick won’t have much time to think about it as Peter’s family keeps him busy, taking advantage of his many DIY skills to complete long-needed maintenance and make the family home look appropriately festive. I would venture the family, including Peter’s mom–who is so into the spirit of the season that she demands everyone in the family refer to her as “Christmas Carole”–quickly crosses the line into straight-up expecting their house guest to complete all of their minor household repairs in a way that feels underhanded even as Nick claims he loves doing this kind of work. I really hope no international viewers (including lovely Christa) think having hosts majorly exploit your labor is a normal expectation for Christmas visitors in the States.

Meanwhile, Peter is swanning around town with James, obliviously breaking Nick’s heart. Making matters worse, James is a conventionally attractive, kind-hearted athletic type regularly dishing out sage advice. Conveniently, James has moved to Peter’s hometown for ski season, just as our leading man is considering returning to the area for good and pursuing his dream of opening a small plant store. Not the kind as nightmare-inducing as in J-horror Pulse, ideally.

As members of Peter’s family scheme to set him up with Nick and James respectively, his former actor aunt Sandy is putting the final touches on the local Nativity play, a production she has personally scripted entitled “Jesus H. Christ.” With the rehearsals going less than well with Sandy’s exacting directorial style, Peter’s nieces put forward a win-win solution: have Peter and Nick assist with the play, thereby saving the day while spending precious holiday time together. Which, as I’ve underlined in several other rom-com reviews, feels like a better way to get stressed-out people to scream at each other rather than fall in love.

Throughout the proceedings, we check off a number of additional tropes, including Peter and Nick having to do a last-minute, dramatically important photo shoot, sharing a bed for pretty flimsy reasons, and doing silly choreographed dance moves. Is it enough for them to realize their long-simmering romantic feelings for each other?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this was never going to get a 5-star rating from me. I will say the story is quite sweet, and it’s such a relief to have more LGBTQ+ stories regularly make their way into the Hallmark-type holiday rotation. Visually, our film looks so cozy and festive that it would be ideal for Netflix to provide a dusting of snow and a mug of hot cocoa for all viewers.

Beyond this, our film is so full of cliches and jam-packed with way more characters than necessary. Jennifer Coolidge is of course excellent as self-absorbed Hollywood stereotype Aunt Sandy and plays my favorite character by far. And not only because she manages to pull off an unexplained Glinda costume in the Nativity play. Many of the other supporting characters feel bland in comparison to be honest, and just kind of take up space.

I also happen to despise the “overbearing family believes your being single is the saddest story to be told while playing the world’s tiniest violin” trope that is this genre’s bread and butter. It comes across about as well as it does in any other of these holiday films, i.e. really manipulative and condescending AF. I’m glad that Peter’s sexuality is fully accepted by his family, but it’s slightly irritating that they can’t also accept his singledom.

Our leads are perfectly charming, though the annoying love triangle setup means Peter and Nick don’t actually get as much screen time together as you might expect…so I wasn’t overly invested in their relationship. That being said, I was definitely rooting for them, as James is one step away from being a walking Ken doll and is the type of blandly perfect man who usually turns out to be a murderer in Lifetime movies.

Despite the tone of this overly critical review, I did mostly enjoy this one, but not enough that I anticipate remembering much about it past this week.

Would my blog wife hit it off with this one on a blind date or scald it with boiling hot cocoa? Find out in her review!

Noroi: The Curse, or: Dam Demons

In a month all about expanding our film horizons on the Collab, we watched…a bunch of horror. We did at least focus on watching horror from Japan & Korea, countries well-versed in making chilling classics in the genre. This week’s pick is a horrifying true story…of made-up events. That REALLY happened.

The Film:

Noroi: The Curse

The Premise:

While making a documentary about his latest investigation, a paranormal researcher vanishes under suspicious circumstances.

The Ramble:

Be cautioned, all who decide to watch this film: it has been deemed too disturbing for the general public to view. So we are warned, anyway. Our film really commits to its setup as a found footage documentary, never once dropping the pretense.

We follow Kobayashi, a researcher who has been investigating paranormal activity for decades through the medium of documentary film-making. His (presumably) last project has ended on a rather dark note; ultimately, his wife died in a mysterious fire in the family home, and Kobayashi himself has been missing since. Not to worry–this is all relatively low spoiler-y, as all of this knowledge drops within the first 10 minutes or so of our film.

Before things all went horribly wrong, Kobayashi was busy being a one-man X-Files stop shop, investigating a woman’s report that she and her young son hear the sounds of crying babies haunting their home. Genuinely awful. Soon after, the neighbor and her daughter die in a suspicious car accident.

Meanwhile, Kobayashi is intrigued by the disappearance of Kana, a girl with psychic abilities, which he observes on…some sort of psychic reality competition? I didn’t 100% understand what was happening in this section honestly, and not because psychic powers were needed to digest it. Probably.

Before her disappearance, tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist Hori visited Kana. Naturally, he has a theory about her absence: she was taken by ectoplasmic worms. The need to straightfacedly respond to statements like this has cut my budding career as a documentary filmmaker tragically short.

To add yet another red thread to the already convoluted investigation board, actress Marika begins behaving oddly after visiting a supposedly haunted shrine and having a minor (major) freakout. Concerned that she’s exhibiting strange behavior at night, Marika agrees to Kobayashi setting up a camera to film her activities. This leads to a major clue when Marika is recorded saying the word “Kagutaba,” which turns out to be a demon imprisoned beneath a village. Every year, the villagers would perform a ritual to appease the demon…that is, until the village was destroyed to make way for the construction of a dam. All of this thrilling to the local historian who only ever gets asked to scan obituaries so people can do their boring genealogy research.

This comes full circle when Kobayashi suspects one of the people he’s already encountered is none other than the daughter of the priest who performed the last appeasement ritual, seemingly becoming possessed by the demon. And yes–things get even more convoluted from here on out, with the bonus of creepy children, fetus embryos, and some seriously shaky camera work. But, you know, intentionally shaky camera work.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Supposedly people either think this is the scariest film ever made or boring AF. Guess which camp I fall into. Maybe because we’re watching this after found footage becoming such a trope in horror films, or because I’m tired and my uncultured American eyes didn’t feel like reading subtitles. Whatever the reason, I didn’t get the feeling of dread the film is clearly creating as it builds to events that unfold only in the last 30 minutes or so. I found some of the found footage techniques to be a bit silly and melodramatic, to be honest.

What I do find interesting about this one is that it does capture the research and investigation process in a way that feels organic. At first, the pieces don’t seem to fit together at all as Kobayashi follows whatever leads he can–and it’s not until it’s too late that he understands what’s happening. There are some genuinely chilling scenes and revelations, brought to life by the cast and the jarring film techniques.

When the film works, it’s largely because I enjoy the characters of Marika and Hori so much. Marika is a caring person determined to find out the truth of what’s happening to her; it’s impossible not to hope she will succeed, although the tone of the film suggests otherwise. Hori, our tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist, is a character who would annoy me in reality (as conspiracy theorists frequently do) but who is fun onscreen, giving us just a dash of quirkiness needed to liven things up.

I can appreciate the approach, but I wasn’t particularly feeling this one.

Would my blog wife steal creepy fetus embryos for this one or burn it all down? Read her review to find out!

A Tale of Two Sisters, or: I Saw Something Nasty in the Wardrobe

We could pretend this month is about exploring a lot of different film genres…and it still could be. However, since there are so many excellent Korean horror films (and television) in the world, it seems a shame not to highlight one or two on the Collab. As with so many other months of this year, horror seems to be the only thing that makes sense at the moment.

The Film:

A Tale of Two Sisters

The Premise:

Though happily reunited, sisters returning to their family home must contend with their stepmother’s schemes and the feeling that something supernatural is roaming the halls at night…

The Ramble:

After a stay in a psychiatric hospital for murky reasons, young Su-mi is happy to be reunited with her sister Su-yeon in the family’s beautiful but extremely Gothic estate in the country. Even if the cost of the girls’ return home is time spent with their stepmother, the icy Eun-joo.

Though Su-yeon is transparently terrified of their stepmother, Su-mi is watching out for her timid sister, calling out all kinds of problematic gaslight behavior. Eun-joo herself seems rather troubled as she is constantly taking medication and feeling like an outsider in the home she shares with the girls’ father Moo-hyeon.

The sisters aren’t home for long at all before creepy happenings begin to unfold. Su-yeon is terrified when she notices a presence in her room at night that could be her stepmother or a ghostly figure. While Su-mi comforts her and promises to look out for her little sister, both siblings are fairly on edge.

A major source of tension in the household is Eun-joo’s role as caretaker for the girls’ mother when she was terminally ill; during her time with the family, Eun-joo began having an affair with Moo-hyeon. Seeing their stepmother’s face everywhere in old photos, the girls tear her image away and blot out her face with ink.

After finding bruises on Su-yeon’s arms, Su-mi angrily confronts their stepmother. The two get into a fight, escalated by the gruesome murder of Eun-joo’s pet bird. Eun-joo goes so far as to lock Su-yeon in a wardrobe until she receives a satisfactory apology, and things get cranked up to 11 fairly quickly from there. Shocking revelation follows shocking revelation, and you know the battle of wills between Eun-joo and Su-mi can only end with a gruesome outcome.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I’m never going to regret watching a film that uses the gorgeous but empty manor house as a focal point, drawing attention to literal and figurative haunted family dynamics. The beautiful vintage feel of the house is perfect for the disturbing dark fairy tale we’re told, from the wicked stepmother to mysterious doors and drawers that shouldn’t be opened. Beyond the characters themselves, the house has secrets, and they work to create an ominous tone in the film.

That being said, there are some pacing issues, and the last quarter or so of the film is incredibly confusing. In this section of the story, the filmmakers seem more concerned with creating twist after twist to make the finale extremely dramatic. I don’t love this technique, and rather than a satisfying revelation, the film’s conclusion is a bit of a letdown as there’s too much going on.

Visually, though, I love this film and its commitment to telling a dark, Gothic ghost story where the mere mortals are significantly scarier than anything else that may lurk in the darkness.

Would my blog wife take some charming family photos with this one or lock it in a wardrobe? Find out in her review!

Pulse, or: Connection Error

CW: suicide

I’m not sure what November is for this year beyond crossing off subtitled films from the watchlist, with a special focus on Japan and Korea. Though, like most rules on the Blog Collab, this one feels destined to be broken. If, coincidentally, we happen to be extending Horror Month at the same time, so be it.

The Film:

Pulse (2001)

The Premise:

Following the discovery of a mysterious disk, a young woman in Tokyo tries to understand the strange behavior and disappearances of those around her.

The Ramble:

When she doesn’t hear from coworker Taguchi for over a week, caring Michi begins to worry. Taguchi has been working on a disk for…work reasons? You’ll appreciate my confusion as their employer is a house plant shop, though things like providing detail and making sense aren’t necessarily the top priorities of this film.

After Michi finds Taguchi at home in his apartment, she breathes a small sight of relief, only to watch in horror as her coworker hangs himself abruptly. Apparently the disk is extremely important, as Michi, despite her trauma, makes sure coworker Yabe receives it. As they investigate the disk’s contents with their fellow plant shop employee Junco, something doesn’t seem right, and the images are downright creepy and confusing.

Meanwhile, computer science student Ryosuke is using a disk to install the internet, but encounters some unexpected errors. As part of the install experience, Ryosuke sees footage of ghostly figures who seem to watch him from the other side of the screen. Ostensibly asking for a friend, he asks grad student Harue how one would theoretically capture images on a computer that may be haunted. Armed with his newly acquired knowledge of the print screen key, Ryosuke prepares to return to the cyber world.

Around the same time, Yabe receives a call from a robotic voice asking for help, then disappears. When he returns to work, Yabe is acting all kinds of odd, insisting that he’s seen a horrible face. Michi tries to help her friend despite some dissuasion from her boss, but all she manages to do is learn that Yabe has gone into the forbidden room…an experience he does not recommend.

As Michi encounters increasingly harrowing events, Ryosuke works with Harue to investigate her theory that ghosts cross back to our realm through technology. Those who know attempt to seal off haunted portals with red tape, but these barriers can easily be overcome. It seems Michi and Ryosuke’s paths must eventually cross, but not before quite a lot of ghostly encounters, existential crises, and reflections on the futility of seeking connection. You know…your typical horror fare.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

There are a lot of elements of this film that don’t make much sense to me, but I will say it’s highly effective in terms of creep factor. Things can shift quite abruptly from an ominous feeling of dread to terrifying scenes. Credit to whoever decided blocking out sound except for an awful whisper was the way to go in a few of the film’s scenes, as these really get under my skin.

I do appreciate that the film has a message here, focusing on themes that perceptively relate to technology and isolation, as well as the haunted history of Japan in WWII. In the film, characters who become victims of the ghostly figures disappear entirely, only their shadows remaining. To me, these themes are linked, as the erasure of the past is a necessary consequence of technology taking control of the future and separating people from each other and their shared experiences.

That being said, at certain points I lost the thread. The film is concerned with ideas, which makes it right at home on the Collab. However, the commitment to theme over plot detail is at times a drawback, and the last half hour or so feels a bit rushed and disjointed to me. It takes quite a long time for the two distinct story lines to merge, and this isn’t the most effective approach in my opinion. Though it’s not really the point of our story, I don’t think we get a satisfactory explanation for why any of the events unfold as they do, or how the ghostly figures are connected to the characters’ deaths. Are we meant to accept that ghosts are there to freak people out and make them think of death…because they’re ghosts?

At the end of the day, I will applaud this one for being extremely unsettling and creepy–exactly as a ghost story should be.

Would my blog wife install this one on her early 2000s computer or smash the disk into tiny pieces? Read her review to find out!

Braid (Nobody Leaves), or: Best Friends Forever

Alas, we have reached the end of horror month. But we still have one last film to enjoy on the Collab…one that may or may not be particularly easy to unpack. Beginning with the confusion of its different titles on either side of the pond; in the States, our film is called Braid, while in the UK it’s the ominous Nobody Leaves.

The Film:

Braid or Nobody Leaves

The Premise:

Childhood friends reunite to play a twisted game, with all involved harboring questionable ulterior motives.

The Ramble:

Drug dealers Petula and Tilda may not lead the most glamorous life, but they’re making it work. Unfortunately, when their apartment is raided by the police, the two lose thousands of dollars’ worth of product and narrowly dodge arrest. With only 48 hours to recoup their losses and pay back their supplier, the business partners improvise a risky plan.

Their plan will involve revisiting a confusing and disturbing childhood shared with their friend Daphne. Having inherited the large country estate where she grew up, Daphne lives alone in almost complete isolation. With an intensity that has only become more pronounced since childhood, Petula and Tilda know that to spend time with Daphne and ultimately convince her to unlock the safe inside the house, they will have to play the game.

All of this is further complicated by a traumatic incident that divided the girls in which Daphne fell from a treehouse, which seems to be the incident that robbed her of both sanity and ability to bear a child.

In the game, Daphne is Mom, Tilda is her child, and Petula is a doctor attending to both. They must obey all of Daphne’s orders, even and especially when these include inflicting violence and performing sexual acts.

Fixated on cleanliness and punishment, Daphne is quick to dole out harsh penalties to Tilda. Things get weird and ominous so quickly as Petula and Tilda begin having hallucinations and questioning what is real. When the detective involved with Daphne’s childhood accident begins investigating, she begins to understand her friends’ real motivations for beginning the game again. Is it possible for anyone to win–or identify where the lines of reality are?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

Honestly the only way to understand (to some degree) this film and be able to recap it is to watch it; hence the really vague plot outline above. Despite not fully understanding everything going on here, there’s a lot happening that I enjoy.

First, the unsettling tone, creepy setting, and interest in contrasting beautiful aesthetics with gruesome happenings. Psychological horror gives way to jarringly gory violence, but it doesn’t feel disjointed. There’s a feeling of a retro/Hitchcockian vibe with our somewhat Norman Bates-inspired Daphne and her crisply pressed fashions. A scene of a car being pushed into a pond as a cover-up is a strong reference to the scene in Psycho.

What I appreciate about a film like this is its interest in developing ideas over…hmmmm…plot & characterization to be frank. The literal and symbolic appearance of braids provide some clues about the interconnectedness of our lead characters and the impossibility of extricating themselves from each other without destroying their very nature. The braid seems more often a constraint than a show of strength or unity, however. It’s impossible not to consider the nature of power and privilege as it relates to Daphne’s control over the lives of her friends, and the extent to which the lifestyle she can provide allows her to gain the illusion of affection. Though it’s a very toxic and twisted friendship, all of the characters have something to gain from it and experience some degree of comfort from returning to even a dysfunctional & emotionally empty mansion. Almost everything is problematic here, giving an eerie weight to friendships that last forever.

There is a lot of detail filled in that finally brings the elements of the film together (sort of) cohesively. It does take a while as the majority of the events unfolding have no interest in allowing you to gather your bearings or anticipate where the fuck things are going. In a good way, though?

Would my blog wife braid this one’s hair or inflict some rather creative violence on it? Find out in her review!

Slaxx, or: The Wrath of Couture

Not necessarily being a follower of high fashion, I don’t always understand the world of high-profile prestige brands. Luckily, this week’s film doesn’t require any insider knowledge of trending styles, though it does embody the spirit of exaggerations like “I’d die for those shoes” or “kill for that coat.” Maybe a bit too literally. Either way, brace yourself for the first groundbreaking killer jeans film on the Collab (and likely last unless a franchise is born).

The Film:

Slaxx

The Premise:

Just ahead of the launch of a major fashion company’s miraculous shaping jeans, a pair of the pants comes to life, driven by a thirst for vengeance and blood.

The Ramble:

Young tenderhearted Libby is eager to start a job with The Canadian Cotton Clothiers, a trendy yet ethical fashion brand. As they say in the South, bless her heart. Libby is a seasonal worker who has been hired by manager Craig to support the launch of Super Shapers, a revolutionary new product. These jeans are woven from cotton grown in experimental fields in India and promise to use heat-activated technology to mold themselves to the wearer’s shape in the most form-flattering way possible. By no means is this the stuff from which nightmares are made.

With a single-minded focus on the CCC brand and maintaining their own “ecosystems” (the section of the store they are responsible for), Libby’s coworkers are largely vain narcissists who have no time to help the new hire. The exception is Shruti, who is totally checked out of her job and unwilling to assist anyone, but in more of a Daria way than anything else.

Because the clothes at The CCC are on the cutting edge of fashion (and employees are required to buy and wear the brand while on the clock), theft is a major problem at the store. Though certainly the message of the film invites us to question who is stealing from whom. Craig often looks the other way on violations of company policy (particularly when he is perpetrating them), but draws the line when employee Jemma arrives for the launch wearing a pair of the currently unreleased jeans. Instructed to change clothes before the company’s CEO Harold arrives to deliver a stirring motivational speech, it turns out the pants are exactly the kind of fashion statement you would be caught dead in. Because the pants kill her.

Ahead of the launch day, the store will be on complete lockdown, with employees locked in the building and prohibited access to their devices as they prepare the store overnight. The one exception will be a visit from YouTube star & influencer Peyton Jewels, who will be granted an exclusive preview to promote the Super Shapers to her followers. This will allow for 10 minutes total when the lockdown is lifted as Peyton enters and leaves the premises, aka the setup of a classic horror dilemma.

Unsurprisingly, the bodies begin to pile up. When Libby finds the body of Jemma, Craig is determined to cover up the death until Super Shapers have launched. As a result, all hell breaks loose when Peyton visits and begins filming. When Libby and Shruti realize the jeans will temporarily stop the violent rampage to appreciate the sounds of Bollywood musical numbers, they learn the pants have a sort of humanity. Is this the key to declaring the new fashion trend officially over?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

I will give this one a lot of credit for originality. Has there ever been a horror film about a killer pair of pants that’s also a critique of fast fashion and the questionable ethics of an industry built on exploiting extremely underpaid and highly dangerous labor? Well, this is the one.

On a technical note, I appreciate the…level of emotion the filmmakers are able to convey through the pants. Is a weird sentence to type. The, uh, green screen actor(?) gives authentic movement to the jeans, allowing them to convey menace and even joy as the scene demands. Lighting and sound effects work together to create genuine moments of suspense (and quite a few gory deaths).

All of this being said, there are some issues with the film’s approach. The short run time and the number of characters whose sole purpose is to die make it difficult to invest in the storyline. I can somewhat root for Shruti, but even she falls a bit flat for me. Libby is our lead and the way her youthful optimism is exaggerated is annoying AF. The majority of the other characters are so awful that it’s clear early on they will die, but none of these deaths really feel like a big payoff. I would have liked the story to focus in on these horrible characters, honestly, rather than trying to have it both ways.

While I always appreciate a piece with some social commentary, this one is extremely heavy-handed. The over-the-top dialogue gets old fast, and a lot of the representation of India and Indian characters comes off as pretty stereotypical. I got a little bit of a kick from the Super Shapers’ SS logo being a very clear nod to the scary Nazi death squads…but only the first couple of times it appeared onscreen. This also got pretty old, as did the lack of nuance or trust in the audience to connect the dots.

No regrets on watching this one, but it didn’t change my life like a pair of Super Shapers or even particularly challenge my participation in morally reprehensible systems of production. Though I will avoid purchasing new clothes for at least a week or two. Probably.

Would my blog wife still be first in line for a pair of killer trousers or refuse to even snag them from a secondhand clearance rack? Read her review to find out!

Goodnight Mommy, or: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

Even though the worst offenses in horror are historically committed by masked serial killers, sadomasochistic demons, and/or possessed toys, I’m most easily disturbed by the creepy children of horror. Most likely because horror is very effective when it comes to amplifying the uncanny in everyday situations, and children are already rather confusing and terrifying to me. If it worked for The Babadook, surely it can work for twins in a pastoral Austrian setting?

The Film:

Goodnight Mommy

The Premise:

As a woman recovers from facial surgery, her twin boys begin to believe the face under the bandages isn’t really their mother.

The Ramble:

Elias and Lukas are identical twin brothers living in a beautiful but isolated home in the countryside. Though initially relieved when their mother, a reasonably successful TV actress, returns home after major cosmetic surgery, it’s not long before the twins become suspicious. Their mother, whose face must remain bandaged, insists all of the blinds remain closed as she limits her exposure to sunlight. Becoming fixated on cleanliness and quiet, Mother commands that the boys leaver her in peace and play outside only. Holding an undisclosed grievance against Lukas, Mother speaks to Elias but not to his brother.

Despite Mother’s dedication to cleanliness, there are creatures lurking around, including the masses of cockroaches the twins collect in a glass enclosure. If you watch this film, you’re going to spend a lot of time looking at cockroaches, FYI.

After the boys find a cat in…uh, pretty much a catacomb, they take the cat in to help it recover. When the cat ends up dead, they are convinced their mother had something to do with it. Or, rather, they are convinced the impostor pretending to be their mother had a hand in all of this. Mother’s definitely doing little to evoke sympathy as she’s cold during interactions with her boys and quick to anger.

Other unsettling clues emerge when the boys find old pictures of their mother posing with a woman who is seemingly her double, and when they find an online listing of their house for sale. Escaping the house to seek help, the boys attempt to explain the situation to a priest in a nearby town. Perhaps not surprisingly, the priest believes the twins’ mother over the boys’ seemingly exaggerated tale.

Determining that they must take matters into their own hands, Elias and Lukas capture the impostor with bandages and refuse to let her move until she reveals the truth. And the twins seem to have quite the knack for psychological (and physical) torture…

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

It’s on me for choosing a slow burn film and then not particularly feeling like watching a slow burn when it came to viewing time. The film’s conclusion is really disturbingly dark and effective, and I appreciate its willingness to take things to extremes when the time is right. However, some of the subtle efforts to build tension fell a bit flat for me, and I spent quite a bit of the first two-thirds waiting for something to happen. I can see why The Babadook overshadowed this one, honestly (same year of release!).

Because so much of the film is from the twins’ perspective, finally getting some insight into their mother’s behavior is a major turning point in the film. Maybe not surprising as movie twins are almost always up to no good, but Elias and Lukas get so disturbing so fast.

Though much more of a psychological horror than slasher, there are some pretty upsetting moments throughout with bugs, burning, and the use of adhesives. Lots of visual interest in mirrors and doubling does set up questions about identity, reality, and the ways appearances can be used to hide the truth in plain sight. The ways in which grief can be all-consuming becomes increasingly apparent throughout the film in highly spoiler-y ways.

I don’t regret watching this one at all, but I am at least 10x more afraid of twins than before.

Would my blog wife keep this one safe and snug with its cockroach pals or burn it to a crisp with a magnifying glass? Find out in her review!