In the history of the Blog Collab, there have been only a handful of films so hated that Christa and I cannot contain our rage about them. This is one of those films.
The Film:
Gaspar Noé’s Love
The Premise:
An awful garbage human being reflects on how he fucked things up with the so-called love of his life.
The Ramble:
Our film begins ever so tastefully in the middle of a 3-minute full-frontal sex scene. If this is the kind of thing you’re into, good news–you’ll see so many endless, gratuitous sex scenes with all of the nudity. All of it.
As it turns out, the scene depicts our protagonist and resident misogynist Murphy with his ex-girlfriend and love of his life, Electra. In the present, Murphy’s memories of her are all he has. Murphy is unhappily married to a woman named Omi with whom he shares a young son (named Gaspar, JFC). As the film opens, Murphy learns that Electra is missing and quite possibly dead.
Let’s just pause to appreciate the nature of Murphy’s marriage and the almost superhuman amount of self-pity he feels. He’d definitely be top pick for Marvel’s Improbably Self-Pitying Misogynist Man. Murphy believes his wife, Omi, deliberately became pregnant to trap him. He regularly thinks shit like “I’m sick of this bitch. Take care of the baby and leave me alone,” “I’m married because of a broken condom,” and “I hope she doesn’t make my son gay.” What a catch.
As Murphy reflects on his present, he becomes lost in memories of his past with Electra and–lucky for us–details the tragic story of how their relationship unraveled. When Electra and Murphy meet at a party, he is a film student who wants to make movies out of “blood, sperm, and tears.” He’s the obnoxious film guy who gets indignant when Electra admits she hasn’t seen 2001. Give it a rest, bro.
Electra is a struggling artist with a drug problem and a complicated relationship with her parents. Despite their issues, Electra and Murphy fall into a passionate relationship with an absolutely unnecessary number of sex scenes. The two believe they will start a family and be together forever because their love is so twu.
Unfortunately, cracks begin to show quite quickly in this relationship (and not just ass cracks). Electra’s ex, Noé (eye roll), has a successful gallery whose position to help her makes Murphy super jealous. As the couple fights more and more, they go to extreme measures to save their relationship. Naturally, this includes a visit to a gross underground sex club (I almost vomited when I thought about people having to clean this place), hiring a trans sex worker, and a threesome with a pretty young neighbor, Omi…aka Murphy’s future wife.
What happened to drive the final nail in the coffin? And will Electra ever be seen again? Does anyone give a shit?
The Rating:
1/5 Angry Pink Panther Heads
Ugh, the only thing worse than seeing Murphy’s dick so many times that it stops looking real is hearing this douchebag’s internal monologue throughout the film. I have absolutely no sympathy for this dude’s existential angst as everything bad that’s happened to him is his own fucking fault yet he still doesn’t learn to treat women better.
Just for fun, a selection of Murphy’s internal thoughts:
“A dick has only one purpose: to fuck.” (Dicks fuck assholes.)
“Men understand each other; we have respect for each other.”
“I’m not a slave to pussy. Pussy is pussy.”
The nature of Murphy and Electra’s relationship is also horrific. This film should’ve just been called Sex or Fucking because what they share is not love. The two spend an insufferable amount of time talking about what a great couple they are, but they’re actually the worst.
Only watch this one if you want to watch a porno while insisting to your friends at a party that this is true art.
The Pink Panther Snipes Again 