Fear Street Part Three: 1666, or: No Goode Deed

*Spoilers follow*

Sometimes it just seems foretold in a Satanic ritual book that you’re going to enjoy a film. Here, we’ve got witches, Puritan period costume, and human sacrifices that happen to stand in for a strong social commentary. On paper, these are exactly the elements that make the Blog Collab tick. When they combine with dramatic neons and a well thought-out murder scheme, it’s pure heaven. Or hell, to follow the logic of a film in which good is evil.

The Film:

Fear Street Part Three: 1666

The Premise:

In the conclusion to the Fear Street trilogy, Deena learns the truth about Sarah Fier’s legacy and is determined to finally end the curse afflicting Shadyside residents, including her girlfriend Sam.

The Ramble:

At the conclusion of Part Two, Deena experienced a sort of time jump/vision/learning through osmosis about Sarah Fier’s life when she reunited the witch’s body with her cursed hand. As we learn through Deena/Sarah, Sarah Fier was a young colonist in the Puritan settlement of Union, lending us a very Crucible-esque spin on events.

Though a fairly good-natured young woman who has a talent for caring for and delivering livestock, Sarah has her share of doubters, from the perpetually intoxicated Thomas who claims to see darkness in her to the pastor’s wife…as Sarah is not so subtly in love with her daughter. Luckily, Sarah has allies in the form of her father and brother, as well as Solomon Goode, a loner from a well-to-do family who has recently moved to the outskirts of town to farm the land. Sarah also has friends with familiar faces played by actors from other installments, including a too-brief cameo from my personal favorite, Kate.

When Sarah and her friends sneak away from the 17th-century equivalent of a rave, they aim to acquire hallucinogenic berries from a widow who lives in the woods. While they do meet their goal, the teens are disturbed when the widow also utters an ominous warning and is in possession of a rather Satan-y looking book.

After returning to the party, Sarah and her secret girlfriend Hannah dodge the advances of town creep Caleb by sneaking back to the woods. There, a romantic moment is interrupted when it seems someone has caught the two. Rather than confront them, the mystery person opts for the repressed Puritan tactic of starting a nasty rumor that will eventually lead to a shunning. Or worse.

The following day, Hannah is horrified when her pastor father acts completely unlike himself…almost as if he’s possessed. Meanwhile, pests and mold sprout from every food source, the well water is corrupted with a dead goat’s body, and the sow who recently birthed piglets eats all of her young. While Sarah worries that she and Hannah have provoked God’s wrath with their sinful behavior, Solomon reassures her that they couldn’t have summoned the devil by mistake as she fears.

Things escalate quite dramatically soon after when the pastor locks himself in the church with his congregation…all of whom ultimately end up dead, including Sarah’s brother. This doesn’t really feel much like the inciting event so much as the moment all of the paranoid dudes of Puritanville, USA have been waiting for: a chance to have a literal witch hunt. It doesn’t take long for creepy Caleb to blame Hannah and Sarah, and for everyone to get onboard with this idea.

Managing to escape, Sarah vows to find a way to save herself and Hannah, even if it means making the deal with the devil they’ve supposedly already made. When this plan fails, Sarah turns to her pal Solomon for help…only to uncover an extremely dark secret that will set the stage for the Goodes’ future prominence and Sunnyvale’s success.

Armed with the knowledge that she must take down Sheriff Nick Goode in order to end the deal with the devil that Sarah Fier took the fall for, Deena unites with her brother Josh, Ziggy, and custodian Martin. But can they defeat the forces of evil with some divine inspiration from Carrie in–you guessed it–a very neon-lit mall?

The Rating:

4.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

I had a lot of fun with this trilogy, particularly as the characters and history of the Shadyside/Sunnyvale divide were fleshed out. Having the context of previous films to create dramatic twists and a conspiracy that brings together many disparate elements in a cohesive way makes this final installment especially satisfying. I feel quite justified in my immediate suspicion of generically good-looking dudes in film who are extremely agreeable on the surface.

A continued criticism is that the films don’t always connect the different stories and characters well until the end. With Part Three, the film sometimes seems disconnected both from the other two and from the distinct halves. The choppiness does detract from the success of the trilogy, though it does allow for a pretty big reveal around the halfway mark of this film.

Possibly because I’m always a fan of a period drama, I did find the first half of this installment more satisfying than the conclusion. That being said, the final half is still a lot of fun to watch as the neons make the scenes vivid and disorienting, and it’s impossible not to root for our final characters to all make it through. And I think the plan Deena & co. develop is pretty inspired, especially considering they’re working under extreme pressure to evade multiple undead serial killers.

I would watch the fuck out of another trilogy like this, Netflix.

Would my blog wife put a curse on this one or embrace it like a long-lost severed hand? Read her review to find out!

Fear Street Part Two: 1978, or: Stayin’ Alive

As we make our way through the Fear Street trilogy, we’re only going back further in time and diving deeper into horror tropes and supernatural forces. Don’t worry, though–Part Two will deliver those vital horror elements: teens making questionable decisions, overly dramatic yet largely ignored warnings, and witches. Praise the Lord, so many witches.

The Film:

Fear Street Part Two: 1978

The Premise:

Following the events of Part One, teens in 1994 learn of a 1978 summer camp massacre that seems to have been the work of undead witch Sarah Fier.

The Ramble:

Following the events of Fear Street Part One, drugs are the official reason for the series of murders that decimated the population of Shadyside for approximately the 10,000th time in history. Keenly interested in the story is one C. Berman, previously revealed to be the survivor of a 1978 summer camp massacre. Desperate for a lead that will help possessed Sam, Deena and her brother Josh plead for C. Berman’s guidance…though, as her sad story reveals, there’s not much hope for those the witch Sarah Fier wants dead, including C. Berman’s own sister.

In 1978, Shadyside sisters Cindy and Ziggy couldn’t be more different. Cindy is an overachiever inclined to become extremely upset over stains on her shirts and the lack of enthusiasm for cleaning that burnouts Alice and Arnie express. Though once fun and free-spirited as one of Alice’s bffs, Cindy is pleased with her good girl reputation that can help her leave Shadyside behind forever.

On the other end of the spectrum is Ziggy, who is one strike away from being sent home from summer camp. After being caught stealing, mean girl Sheila takes it upon herself to make Ziggy pay, going so far as to string her up and burn her with a lighter. Camp counselors intervene, and future sheriff Nick Goode prevents Ziggy from getting sent home as his brother and future mayor Will would prefer. In all of this, there are no consequences for Sunnyvaler Sheila.

When Ziggy goes to see Nurse Lane for her burn, things get intense fast when Ziggy notices files about the witch in the nurse’s office. Nurse Lane discusses her daughter, who seemed to be a victim of the Shadyside curse when she murdered 7 people before killing herself. Cindy is dismissive of her sister’s concerns about the nurse…until Lane attempts to kill Cindy’s boyfriend Tommy soon after. With the ominous warning that Tommy will die that night, Nurse Lane is removed from the premises.

Now with an interest in following through on Ziggy’s concerns and finding a reasonable explanation for the disturbing happenings, Cindy tries to gather what information she can from her sister. However, it’s too little too late, and Cindy responds to Ziggy’s disdain with some harsh words that she’ll never end up regretting just a few hours later, of course. Ziggy has problems of her own as she contains to suffer harassment at the hands of Sheila and kindness from counselor Nick…who surprises her with some vengeful schemes up his sleeve.

As Cindy and Tommy investigate Nurse Lane’s dire warning further, they learn one of the tales around Sarah Fier’s life and undeath is her sacrifice of one hand in exchange for immortality. Theoretically, reuniting Sarah’s body with her skeletal hand may stop her at last…though no one has a clue where to find these remains. After prankster Alice runs off with Cindy’s purse, the team of Alice, Arnie, Cindy, and Tommy investigate a strange burial site that leads to an underground series of tunnels. It’s just around this time that Tommy begins to feel rather under the weather; (not so) coincidentally, he feels rather compelled to start swinging axes at skulls.

After an encounter that unleashes a possessed Tommy on the unsuspecting campers, Cindy and Alice are stuck in the maze of tunnels in search of an escape route. Meanwhile, the campers are thoroughly engrossed in a Color War game of capture the flag–Shadyside vs. Sunnyvale, naturally. It’s really only the Shadyside kids who are in real danger, as the legend of Sarah Fier’s curse reveals that those from Sunnyvale aren’t targeted.

Much of the subsequent action unfolds as both Cindy/Alice and Ziggy/Nick try to track down the killer before more foreheads become closely acquainted with the business end of an axe. Even if Tommy is out of the picture (and, as he’s effectively a possessed corpse, that’s a big if), what of Sarah Fier herself and all of the ghouls under her power? And what does this all mean for our 1994 teens’ hope of freeing Sam from the witch’s grasp?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

I had so much fun watching this installment, in part because of the clear interest in (respectfully) borrowing from other horror classics. Part Two continues to strike a good balance between disturbingly gory slasher and teen sleuthing adventure. Even though a lot of the characters are teen horror cliches, there is enough care taken with the backstory here that I’m invested in them anyway. Just as the relationship between Deena and Sam was the heart of Part One, the sister bond between Cindy and Ziggy is the driving force behind the story of Part Two.

I have to admit the “big twist” revealing who C. Berman was not that surprising to me…especially if you think of the personality alone of our leads. However, maybe this reveal is a genuine surprise to others?

As with the first installment, the aesthetic is gorgeous and the soundtrack is superb. Some of the ’70s hair is truly great, and there does seem to be more attention to creating a sense of time & place that was missing from Part One. However, I’m still not totally convinced about the setting as our characters are still rocking a mostly contemporary aesthetic and perspective IMHO.

Though our second installment does build upon the story established in Part One, I will say they don’t connect particularly effectively. There are times when this film almost feels like part of anthology series as we forget about the ’94 plotline completely except for the first and last 10 minutes or so. And, though we had several reminders about Nick Goode’s future as Sunnyvale sheriff, I totally forgot that his brother Will becomes the mayor. I could have used a few more character reminders for the non-sheriff characters, honestly.

Minor source of annoyance: despite what teen horror typically promises, we don’t actually get to see Sheila die a horrible death. As she’s a Sunnyvaler, this makes sense and is in line with the setup of the curse and all of the social commentary involved with it. But it’s still irritating as she was definitely the character I most wanted to see with an axe through her temple.

Overall, though, the trilogy has been a great deal of fun so far. My complaints with Part Two are relatively minor, and I can’t wait to dig in to Part Three, especially as we get the rare but excellent period drama horror setting.

Would my blog wife take an axe for this one or surprise it with a bucket full of cockroaches? Find out in her review!

I Care a Lot, or: Don’t Vape and Drive

Though I’m as eager as the next person to say goodbye to February this year (the cold, the snow, the continuation of a global pandemic), I’m a bit sad to bring Feminist February to a close. It’s been an especially great one on the Collab, as we’ve been focused on women who, like us, seem to have a bit of a sardonic perspective on humanity. Though not to the point that we would knowingly steal from people while over-medicating them to death, like a certain protagonist of this week’s film. Probably?

The Film:

I Care a Lot

The Premise:

A woman who makes a living as a shady legal guardian for vulnerable older people meets her match when she attempts to scam a woman with mafia connections.

The Ramble:

Marla Grayson is living her best life–if your definition of a good life is racking up cash through a guardian scheme, using mostly legal channels to gain control over the lives and assets of suitably wealthy retirees. Once she has power over their lives, Marla uses her connections with questionably ethical people in the medical and retirement fields to keep her clients too hopped up on unnecessary prescriptions to protest too much. Operating from the premises that there’s no such thing as a good person and working hard is for suckers, Marla is comfortably amoral–if not downright immoral.

Though Marla spends a decent amount of time fending off the outraged relatives of those she cares for both in and outside of the courtroom, she’s too pragmatic to feel even the slightest twinge of conscience. When she learns of a “cherry,” a well-off elderly person with no family to intervene, Marla is all too eager to scoop up a new person to represent.

At first, Marla and her live-in girlfriend and business partner Fran, seem to have struck gold. However, things start looking a bit too good to be true when Marla uncovers a stash of seemingly stolen diamonds in her new client Jennifer’s security deposit box. And it might be a little worrying that a taxi arrives at Jennifer’s home, now essentially one of Marla and Fran’s homes as they prepare it for sale. Considering that Jennifer has had no way to contact the outside world since the confiscation of her cell phone, it’s not a major surprise to us that there are some very shady dealings going on…and Marla may finally be in over her head.

As it turns out, Jennifer is not at all the person she seems to be; in fact, she has powerful connections to the Russian mafia. Her son Roman is quite angry about the fate that has befallen his mother and is willing to do what it takes to see her far away from Marla’s care.

Initially, Roman is prepared to take the fairly mild approach of hiring a lawyer to pay off Marla. Predictably, she is after more cash than she’s offered, opting to let things escalate. And escalate they do.

After Marla makes her battle of wills with Jennifer personal, Roman cranks the dial past 10, leading to a shootout at the assisted living facility where his mother is imprisoned. When Jennifer’s doctor turns up dead, it’s enough for former cop Fran to sincerely worry their own lives may be at risk. Just as Marla is all set to carry out a rather cunning plan to lay low with her girlfriend and their secret stash of diamonds, Roman outmaneuvers her. It’s going to be difficult for Marla to walk away from this one unscathed–will her life prove that cockroaches can indeed survive anything?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

In my opinion, this film doesn’t quite live up to its potential. However, I’m willing to give it a lot of credit for maintaining my interest throughout its 2-hour runtime–and for Rosamund Pike’s performance. The casting is very well done here; Peter Dinklage and Dianne Wiest (who I could have stood to see in many more scenes, frankly) are wonderful, but RP does the most work carrying this film. The film is visually stunning too, sort of vibrant ’60s candy colors that contrast so greatly with the grimy, disturbing impulses of its characters.

Tonally, the film doesn’t always get things right. There are times when lines of dialogue feel like they’re pulled from an episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; we are very clearly supposed to learn something based in reality that should shock and outrage us. And there seem to be 2 contradictory story lines driving the plot forward: one in which Marla is pulling off a disturbing con, and another in which she’s fighting for her life against an equally amoral opponent. There are times when Marla is facing off with Roman that I want her to succeed and can’t help admiring her survival instinct (though some of the scenarios she survived did take me out of the story).

I do like the commentary on feminism we get here. Marla probably considers herself a feminist; she objects to the everyday sexism she encounters in her life and work. However, she perfectly embodies why representation in business isn’t enough to build a more equitable world that is empowering for women; Marla is in this for herself and herself alone. She’s willing to exploit others for her own ends–in fact, she’s pretty pleased with herself whenever she tricks someone else. Decidedly not feminism.

From what I’ve heard about the film so far, the ending is very divisive. I have to say I agree that it is somewhat disappointing. First, the resolution of things between Marla and Roman is unsatisfying and too convenient to be believed. And the final scene of the film doesn’t strike me as clever, especially not to the degree that it’s meant to be. I hoped for a darker, less moralizing conclusion to the film; this one is too heavy-handed.

On a side note, know what I find absolutely fascinating and am positive will be the subject of a dissertation if it hasn’t been already? The representation of vaping in film (as Marla does this constantly), which always seems to be the marker of a reprehensible character and looks so uncool on camera, in contrast to smoking (at the very least if you’re a glamorous film noir femme fatale).

Would my blog wife trust this one with a stash of stolen diamonds or leave it high and dry with too many prescription meds in the bloodstream? Read her review to find out!

The Prom, or: The Theater, the Theater

Sequins and elaborate dance numbers have a special place in the Collab; partly as musicals feel written exclusively to lift our spirits (and ours alone), but largely because we are here for any and everything over-the-top. This week’s pick has plenty of sparkle and choreography for days–does it offer the degree of delight we anticipate from a Broadway adaptation?

The Film:

The Prom

The Premise:

After learning of an Indiana teen whose prom is cancelled after she asks another girl to the dance, several Broadway performers team up to save the day and demonstrate their selflessness as activists.

The Ramble:

In small-town Indiana, the local PTA stirs up controversy by cancelling the year’s prom–a move widely regarded as all high schooler Emma’s fault. You see, Emma is the only out lesbian at her school. When she decided she’d like to invite another young woman to the dance as her date, PTA crusader Mrs. Greene (Kerry Washington) lost her damn mind. Rather than refuse Emma’s request and allow a same-sex couple at the prom, the PTA responds by cancelling the dance altogether (largely to avoid being sued in a clear-cut case of discrimination).

Meanwhile, Broadway stars Dee Dee and Barry are having an even more difficult time (apparently). As it turns out, their egos may be a teensy bit inflated and it’s possible they demonstrate more than one trait of a narcissistic personality disorder…which becomes painfully clear when yet another production (Eleanor: The Eleanor Roosevelt Musical, which, for the record, I would see) is cancelled on opening night because of its unlikeable stars.

As Dee Dee and Barry catch up with perpetual chorus girl Angie and bartender between gigs (and former sitcom star) Trent, they decide their best shot to make a comeback is through celebrity activism. Learning of Emma’s cause, they tag along with Trent’s non-union tour of Godspell, conveniently traveling right through the heart of Indiana. Or whichever region of Indiana it’s meant to be.

Before we move on, I feel it’s important to recognize that these characters are played by Meryl Streep (brilliant, obv), Andrew Rannells (exuding Broadway energy), Nicole Kidman (looking very much the part of dancer but in a role whose purpose I don’t fully understand), and…James Corden. (Keegan-Michael Key is in this too, but we haven’t gotten to him yet.) There are a lot of problems with this film that have nothing to do with James Corden. I can’t blame him for everything. However, I do believe it’s impossible to fully enjoy this film at all if you (a) think James Corden was horribly miscast and playing an uncomfortable stereotype, (b) find James Corden smug and irritating regardless of his role, or (c) all of the above. We will revisit this later (believe we will revisit this), but I think you really need to envision these actors to better appreciate the experience of watching this film. And the extent to which it attempts to ride on their coattails.

Returning to our regularly scheduled recap: our 4 Broadway performers make a grand entrance at a PTA meeting in an attempt to teach the small-minded folks of a backwards Indiana town the error of their ways. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this doesn’t have the intended effect. However, on the front of small personal victories, Principal Tom Hawkins (Keegan-Michael Key, no longer dressed as a dapper yet sinister nutcracker), lifelong Broadway fan, secretly thrills at meeting Dee Dee IRL.

While our team of 4 is determined to make Emma’s plight into a cause, Emma herself is less enthused about being in the spotlight. After the prom is back on, she is relieved that the fight is over. Meanwhile, Barry and the others are pleased to focus on important matters like Emma’s outfit for the dance. Though her date backs out, not yet ready to make their relationship public, Emma is nevertheless excited to celebrate with her newfound friends.

As Dee Dee learns more about Emma’s story, including being kicked out by her parents after coming out as a lesbian, she also learns about Tom’s reverence for the theater. Dee Dee is herself a small-town girl still recovering from a nasty divorce. Barry shares a difficult Midwestern past too, hailing from Ohio, where he was rejected by his parents after coming out as gay.

Just when things seem to be wrapping up nicely (and early!), the PTA pulls a total dick move and holds two proms: one that is “inclusive” for Emma to attend, and a real one for everyone else. Apparently the entire town gaslights Emma and doesn’t tell her the location of the real prom, leaving her all alone at the dance. With more loose threads to tie than ever before, can Barry find peace, Dee Dee and Tom happiness, an entire small town acceptance, and Emma her own form of expression to speak her truth? Phew.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Ugh, I find James Corden so smug and irritating. And not in the period drama “I can’t stand him but secretly fantasize about him emerging from a pond in a white shirt” way. I just don’t like him, his sense of humor, or the attention-seeking vibes that ooze from him at all times (though I’ve gotten quite a lot of enjoyment from “Carpool Karaoke”). He’s gotten a lot of criticism for his role in The Prom, though I’ve got to question many of the parties involved who decided to cast him too. It’s disappointing to see a straight man play a total stereotype of a gay character in a movie about fairness for the LGBTQ community. I would have killed to see Titus Burgess in this role.

Beyond Corden, there are several other major problems I can’t overlook. First, there are really two different tones the film strives for, and they are essentially incompatible. The film wants to be a satirical take down of celebrity activists who are completely out of touch with reality. At the same time, it tries to teach (an incredibly heavy-handed) lesson about acceptance. These two conflicting goals constantly undercut each other by trying to poke fun at our characters while simultaneously humanizing them. I quite like the old “Hollywood winkingly underscores its own hypocrisy” theme, but it was insufferable here. Another person I would have liked to see involved with this project? Rachel Bloom. Some of Meryl Streep’s lines already felt right out of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

My other issue here is the number of characters, and it’s never really clear who is the star. I think(?) the star is supposed to be Emma, but she’s a less interesting character than any of the members of our Broadway troupe. But even among these characters, the focus is constantly shifting, attempting to give each a satisfying backstory that will bring them to life. The result is that most of them feel like sketches, and we don’t get to see any of the supposed growth they experience.

Finally, the film’s insistence on wrapping things up so tidily and sweetly grates on my nerves. I do support the film’s message, even if it’s approximately as subtle as gay fetus holiday classic A New York Christmas Wedding (RIP, Azrael Gabison). And I think it’s important to make films about LGBTQ characters that aren’t a total downer. But I can’t wholly enjoy an ending that sweeps everything under the rug so that all of the characters can have a fun musical number at the end. It’s all very cute, but it feels empty when seriously the only thing a bunch of homophobic teens needed to change their mind was a song about loving your neighbor. FFS, even Mrs. Greene is smiling at the end and throwing hugs around after she spent the entire film bullying, harassing, and discriminating against a teenager.

What I find most frustrating is seeing the potential of this film, but then watching as it ultimately falls flat.

However, I will give this film major points for my new favorite mantra, “picture a Xanax in your hand” (though it’s really a Broadway lyricist who deserves credit there). And the costumes and choreography are as stunning as you’d expect to see in a Broadway production. As an added bonus, perhaps this will be the first film that some people associate with Indiana, aka land of Mike Pence, from now on. It gives me perhaps a problematic level of enjoyment to think about how much that would pain him.

I could see how this could scratch the Broadway itch for people missing live theater at the moment; on the other hand, I could see how another type of theater fan would regret that they didn’t simply watch 42nd Street on Great Performances (again).

Would my blog wife attend the dance with this one or immediately shut it down? Read her review to find out!

Holiday Rush, or: (Gum)drop the Bass

You just can’t have a steampunk-inspired Christmas musical every week, can you? But you can have a holiday film about a radio station that at least talks about Christmas music and throws in a festive tune or two! This week’s pick may not enjoy quite the same amount of holiday magic or gorgeously realized fashions, though it does have an impressive number of customized matching footie pajamas.

The Film:

Holiday Rush

The Premise:

After losing their jobs, a radio DJ and his boss attempt to launch a new station, all while teaching spoiled children the true meaning of Christmas as the holidays approach.

The Ramble:

Successful local DJ Rush Williams becomes increasingly confident as his career grows. The part of his life that could most use improvement? His parenting style. More and more inclined to simply throw money at whatever problems arise for his children, Rush has unwittingly created spoiled little brats he can never say no to. This Christmas seems to be no exception as the kids demand outlandish gifts like miniature horses, cars, and designer clothes.

It’s not a coincidence that Rush feels the need to overcompensate where his kids are concerned. Since the death of his wife, Rush feels pressure to play the role of both parents while keeping his grief to himself. Luckily, Rush’s aunt spends a lot of time taking care of the children, accepting absolutely no nonsense. But is that really enough to replace quality time with their dad?

Perpetually late, Rush has boss and friend Roxy to keep him on track. The two share an ambition: to co-own the radio station where they work. For the time being, this means playing it safe, opting for pre-approved Christmas classics over Rush’s preferred “Christmas in Hollis.” That is, until the station is acquired by a much larger, more cut-throat company, which immediately cancels Rush and Roxy’s show and sends them home with not even a holiday bonus.

Though he’s worried about the future of his dreams, family man Rush is most concerned about letting down the kids. Not only does Rush’s job loss mean a much more toned down Christmas than in years, past, but it also means the family will have to sell the house and move in with Auntie Jo. Their aunt now lives in the family’s former home, infused with the difficult memories of the children’s mother dying of cancer, and where her absence will feel most keen.

As chance would have it, selling the house would give Rush some much-needed funds for a promising new investment: the radio station where he and Roxy got their first start is now up for sale, giving the pair a chance to fulfill their dream. But their rival radio station is determined to see them fail, and Rush and Roxy have limited resources. Can the dynamic duo help their new station thrive, prove the naysayers wrong, and pay attention to the mistletoe in the air, all while helping Rush’s children learn the true meaning of Christmas? It’s a tall order…but if you’ve seen even one made-for-TV Christmas movie, you know the answer.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

There’s nothing glaringly wrong here…I just didn’t find this a particularly interesting film. The story lines of Rush and Roxy trying to get their radio station off the ground and that of Rush trying to parent his children feel mostly separate until the end, which makes for a disjointed plot. Because the film has too much going on, neither of these stories, or the characters themselves, feel particularly fleshed out. As a result, a lot of the emotional moments don’t have the impact intended. There’s a rather cringey scene in which Rush talks to the ghost of his wife that failed to tug at my heart strings (and, honestly, verged on making me laugh).

Our leads are watchable (full disclosure: I adore Sonequa Martin-Green), though, and Auntie Jo is a fun addition to the family. However, they don’t get as much screen time as I would have liked, sharing the set with Rush’s four children. They’re honestly not the worst–though they are spoiled, it seems pretty clear that it’s the circumstances that have created bad behavior rather than that they are somehow “bad” kids. Even so, they get a bit more screen time than I would have liked, and very little personality development beyond being walking, talking Christmas wish lists.

However, it does check all of the boxes required of a made-for-TV Christmas film, and you could do worse while wrapping presents, trimming the tree, drinking mulled wine, and any other appropriately festive holiday activities you may choose.

Would my blog wife gift this one a pony for Christmas or leave it only with a lesson about the true meaning of the holidays? Find out in her review!

The Forty-Year-Old Version, or: WMWBWB

In more ways than one, Horror Month fizzled out this year. Admittedly, our film choices were somewhat disappointing; however, the horror of our global situation is more at fault for overshadowing any and everything fictional. Especially as things look increasingly bleak heading towards winter and the holidays, my brain craves stories that have virtually no connection to the pandemic. Cue this week’s pick.

The Film:

The Forty-Year-Old Version

The Premise:

Approaching her 40th birthday, a Brooklyn playwright attempts to balance the pressure for traditional markers of success with the freedom to find and pursue new passions.

The Ramble:

Thirty-nine-year-old Radha is restless. A playwright who was honored with a “30 Under 30” award a decade ago, Radha has seemingly failed to live up to her potential. She doesn’t have a single play in production, and the bulk of her connection to theater is through a class she teaches for teens. Some of the teens are more interested in attending than others, and there is very often interpersonal rather than staged drama going down.

Along with bff Archie, who also represents her, Radha is hard at work getting her play Harlem Ave off the ground. After striking out with a visionary but underfunded Black theater director, Radha reluctantly turns to a white audience to back her work. The play, following the challenges of a Black grocery store owner and his wife in a gentrifying neighborhood, doesn’t ring of poverty porn enough to get immediate backing. Radha may be able to get the play produced…but there will be a lot of artistic compromises along the way.

Meanwhile, Radha has a growing interest in writing and performing rap, inspired by everything from her relationship with her mother to white men with especially full behinds (“WMWBWB”). After deciding to make a mixtape, Radha hits it off with music producer D. She even scores an invite to perform at an open mic night, but blows it when she attempts to soothe her nerves by getting high.

As Radha grows closer to D, they bond over the ongoing pain of losing their mothers. At the same time, Radha pushes him away as she increasingly feels that, rapidly approaching 40, she should stay in her lane.

A similar conflict threatens Radha’s relationship with Archie, who pushes her to mainstream success that makes her feel she has sold out. With an opening night for a play that no longer feels like her own work rapidly approaching, Radha can’t make peace with her life as a struggling artist…can she?

The Rating:

4.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

The script alone is incredible, but Radha Blank also directs, stars, and writes many of the songs for this film. As a Brooklyn filmmaker considering, among other themes, Blackness, gentrification, and the purpose of art, there’s a clear connection to some of Spike Lee’s works here. However, Radha approaches these ideas from a Black feminist perspective, highlighting aging, age differences, and body image.

Though Radha is very much the focus of the film, other characters have identities and agency, including bff Archie and the teens Radha works with. I love the relationships here; there is genuine tension over whether Archie and Radha have outgrown their friendship and working relationship. The dynamic Radha has with her students is quite sweet too, and feels real. It’s never an easy relationship as the teens push back, though they resist being reduced to one-dimensional stereotypes of a “tough” urban school.

The humor is so sharp (Harlem Ave‘s soy milk fixation gets me every time), but we also explore grief and existential angst with tenderness. As Radha herself tells us, “Don’t think just because you created something people will appreciate it.” The creation of art for her, her mother, and other makers, must come from the satisfaction of doing something for one’s self, not for the external markers of success–a deceptively difficult lesson to learn.

Would my blog wife honor this one with a heartfelt speech or freestyle some harsh truths about it? Find out in her review!

Cuties, or: Dance Mignonnes

It’s true that the Blog Collab doesn’t shy away from controversy–and this week’s film is at the center of one of the internet’s most intense debates right now. In response to Cuties, people have called for a boycott of Netflix and even leveled death threats at the film’s director. Netflix certainly handled the marketing of this film incredibly badly…but what about the movie’s content itself? Let’s unpack it, shall we?

The Film:

Cuties (Mignonnes)

The Premise:

As she becomes part of a competitive dance team, preteen Amy’s religious upbringing increasingly clashes with the provocative moves and attitudes of her new friends.

The Ramble:

Having just moved to a new apartment in Paris, 11-year-old Amy and her younger brother are eager to stake a claim on their own rooms. However, these plans are thwarted when their mother makes it clear that one of the rooms is strictly off-limits. What could that possibly be about?

Part of a Senegalese immigrant family, Amy dresses modestly and attends a weekly religious service at a local mosque. The services are quiet and emphasize women remaining obedient servants of God and, ultimately, their husbands.

On the other end of the spectrum are the Cuties, a group of girls who dress in revealing clothing, rebel against teachers, and practice extremely suggestive dance routines. To lonely Amy, the Cuties have carved out their own freedom, and befriending one of the girls who lives in her building opens up a wholly different way of existing in the world.

Practicing dance routines in secret, wearing her little brother’s t-shirts as crop tops, and posting selfies from a stolen phone, Amy begins trying on an identity far removed from that of well-behaved, obedient immigrant daughter. When she learns of her father’s plans to bring a second wife with him from Senegal and witnesses her mother’s devastated response, Amy is increasingly eager to embrace her new persona.

After girl group leader Angelica has a falling out with one of the girls, Amy sees her opportunity to become a permanent part of the Cuties. Absorbing sexually explicit music videos in secret, Amy takes the girls’ choreography and pushes it to an even greater extreme with dance moves that are pretty damn disturbing. Of course, the girls are keen to adopt changes to their routine to make them stand out in an upcoming competition.

As Amy attempts to balance her commitment to the dance team with the demands of preparing for her father’s wedding, responsibilities begin to fall through the cracks. Enraging both her overbearing aunt and the Cuties team, Amy skips out on helping her aunt only to miss the girls’ competition tryout. Can Amy ever do enough to earn her spot back on the dance crew…and is that really what she wants?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Ignore the boycotts and general outrage about this film–those are largely down to Netflix’s own marketing and promotion. The film itself and the director, Maïmouna Doucouré, don’t deserve to be the targets of anger (and even death threats) when it comments on the hypersexualization of children rather than glorifying it. It does feel worth examining that this story–told by a Black woman and immigrant–is the subject of so much vitriol when exploitative shows like Dance Moms have aired for years with no one batting an eye.

I will say this film isn’t free of its own problems. There are scenes that don’t seem necessary, especially as there are many, many shots of the girls performing extremely sexual dance moves. A lot of these scenes don’t successfully balance commentary with the feeling of exploitation, and it’s pretty disturbing to watch them. I think Doucouré could have found a creative approach to commenting on the sexualization of young girls in a way that didn’t involve so many problematic scenes.

However, it’s a shame (if not a surprise) that internet outrage has overshadowed the film’s nuanced approaches to girlhood, immigrant experiences, and identity.

Would my unproblematically cute blog wife join this one’s dance crew without hesitation or take up a nice jump rope hobby instead? Read her review to find out!

Yeh Ballet, or: Fair Plié

Sometimes my brain can predict perfectly when an inspiring, feel-good film will be exactly the ticket. Possibly because, lately, there’s never been a time when I haven’t needed a bit of a lift. Either way, I’d like to take the time to say good call, brain.

I’m not sure why, but films about ballet have a special power to inspire me and break my damn heart. As a child, I quit ballet even faster than I quit soccer, so there are no fond memories there. But I can’t help admire the quiet strength and beautiful grace of ballet dancers, especially when it means shaking up the status quo in all of the best ways as it does in this week’s film.

The Film:

Yeh Ballet

The Premise:

Two young men in modern day Mumbai pursue a love of ballet despite discouragement from their loved ones, an emotionally volatile teacher, and significant financial obstacles.

The Ramble:

In a Mumbai slum, teen breakdancer Asif dreams of a life where his family isn’t barely scraping by. Rebellious and always seeking out a party, Asif shakes his unruly hair all around during Holi. The problem? His strict religious uncle is keen to remind Asif that they are Muslim, and participating in a Hindu festival is highly inappropriate.

Lacking the funds–and the freedom–to pursue his love for dance, the closest Asif can get to making a career of his passion is through watching a reality show competition on TV.

One of the competitors on the show is another aspiring dancer, Nishu. Though eliminated from the competition, Nishu manages to snag the audience favorite award, the Hat of Destiny. When he learns of a prestigious dance school run by a famous American, Nishu is eager to attend. However, Nishu’s parents disapprove of this non-traditional career path and worry he won’t be able to provide for his ailing sister in the future.

Through lies and omissions, both Asif and Nishu end up as students in the dance school. The boys dislike each other instantly, and fare no better with the instructor Saul, who turns out to be a total diva. In his rebellious, impulsive style, Asif manages to earn the teacher’s attention after literally tripping him up in the hallway. Asif certainly has style, but does he have the discipline to follow through in learning a new art form: ballet?

Meanwhile, Nishu takes the hardworking nerd approach, asking a classmate to catch him up on all of the ballet moves others have already learned. Nishu grows more and more skilled, but Saul doesn’t have the time or interest in anyone but Asif.

For his part, Asif faces setbacks as his friends tease him relentlessly about his new hobby. Tragedy strikes when a friend dies suddenly in a gang-related incident, for which Asif blames himself. Faced with this wake-up call, Asif vows to commit himself fully to ballet, dedicating the time and focus needed to truly learn and hone the art.

Nishu’s problems also escalate after his father discovers where his college fund has really been going. When his parents kick him out of the house, Nishu agrees to be the school’s unpaid custodian in exchange for a stay in a creepy windowless basement (which includes utilities, aka a bucket of water collected from the building’s A/C unit).

Further complications arise when Asif falls for a Hindu girl whose family disapproves of his Muslim faith. Meanwhile, Nishu’s sister’s condition worsens and she ends up in the hospital.

Things start to look up when Saul insists Asif move in to train 24/7 for US ballet school auditions, with Nishu as a chaperone. The arrangement could be beneficial to both boys…if they’d stop fighting long enough to recognize it. However, even if the two dancers do manage to gain acceptance to a program, can they afford to go? And will the States even let them into the country to pursue their dreams?

The Rating:

4/5 Pink Panther Heads

I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again: damn, Holi looks so fun. Maybe not right now. But in other, non-pandemic times.

The rest of the film is just as fun, full of energy, hope, and some killer dance moves. While the concept of the movie sounds a bit like Slumdog Millionaire meets Billy Elliott, it has managed to carve out a space with its originality and heart, plus challenging of traditional gender norms. Our story looks into the lives of characters in extreme poverty, but it never takes a condescending or overly romanticized approach to their challenges. And approximately the last half made me cry my fucking eyes out.

There’s added interest here in the social and religious commentary of the film–first, the religious clashes between Hindus and Muslims in India, as well as the use of religion to police others’ decisions. The States’ immigration policies get an examination from this film, as well as the idea that bringing in a white man adds authority to any endeavor in former colonies. Saul never really gets that his abysmal behavior wouldn’t be tolerated in any other context, but he’s experiencing some serious white privilege in India.

While I’ve neglected Asif’s love interest, who is a fairly minor character, she brings an energy to the film that I just love. A tough breakdancer in her own right, Asha is stubborn without being an infuriating rom-com stereotype. Would absolutely watch a spin-off (no pun intended) about her.

Honestly, though, it’s the journey Asif and Nishu experience that makes this film compelling: both individually and as reluctant friends. I wish they had been friends a bit earlier on in the film as it’s so sweet when they do finally stick up for each other. On the bright side, to me this means one thing only: Yeh Ballet 2: 2 Fast, Tutu Furious MUST be in the works.

Would my blogging/dance partner twirl with this one or deliberately step on its toes? Find out in her review here!

The Land of Steady Habits, or: Turtle Recall

Ah, to be a mediocre white man. To never question that you are the star of the narrative, and your story is so compelling it’s only natural you’d get such attention. Unless, of course, your story were one of character growth…sort of. You could still get away with a lot of shit, though, like putting up tacky Christmas decorations and having in-depth discussions about turtles, especially if you were the lead in this week’s film.

The Film:

The Land of Steady Habits

The Premise:

In the throes of a mid-life crisis, a newly single man who has taken an early retirement struggles to find the better life he’s in search of.

The Ramble:

The setting: a small town Bed Bath & Beyond. It’s only when faced with the impossible task of decorating empty shelves that you realize how daunting a task it is to make a decision amidst endless rows of home goods. Such is Anders’ lot in life as a newly separated man who has opted for an early retirement from his soulless Wall St. job. In the process, Anders has managed to alienate virtually everyone in town, including adult son Preston (and yes–there are apparently people so white they will unironically name their child Preston).

Despite his midlife-crisis-induced decision to pursue a different, more fulfilling life, Anders doesn’t seem to be any closer to his lofty goal. Through a rotating series of one-night stands, Anders is often unable to perform and continues to feel alone. Desperate for a connection to his former life, Anders accepts the open invite to a party hosted by a family friend–one that ex-wife Helene will most definitely attend (with her live-in boyfriend).

Ostracized by the other adults at the party, Anders wanders outside and encounters his fellow kids. Believing Charlie, a friend of Preston’s, is out smoking weed with the group, Anders casually joins in–only to learn moments later that he’s actually done PCP. When Charlie overdoses later during the party, Anders feels enough remorse to visit him at the hospital.

Meanwhile, Anders regrets his decision to let Helene keep the house as part of their settlement. As it turns out, Anders can’t afford the mortgage and his early retirement, so it won’t be long before Helene loses the house anyway. However, Anders can’t bring himself to tell Helene the truth–mostly because he doesn’t want to get chewed out yet again for his terrible judgment.

Preston isn’t about to let his father make all of the awful decisions here, choosing to gamble with money from one of the ESL students he teaches. Helene is none too pleased as she was able to wrangle the job for her son in the first place only to end up firing him. It all hits the fan when Helene kicks Preston out of the house, and Preston reveals that, soon enough, Helene may not have anywhere to live either.

As Anders finally meets a woman he’d actually like to spend time with, he reconnects with Charlie. Since Charlie’s parents are forcing him to go to rehab, he asks Anders to take care of his pet turtle. After Anders agrees to take care of the turtle, Charlie runs away, rejecting rehab.

In a rather cruel twist, Preston, who went through his own addiction issues with alcohol, is now making deliveries for a liquor store. When he’s encountered with a classmate who seems to have his life completely together, Preston decides to end his sobriety…until discovering something horrible has happened to Charlie.

After the truth comes out about Anders’ questionable choices in enabling Charlie, our hero once again decides to leave his life behind. Will Anders ever stick around anywhere long enough to face the consequences of his actions?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

It’s difficult to fault the performances here, even if Edie Falco is almost criminally underutilized in this film.

However, there’s not much going on beyond the actors’ commitment to their roles. The meandering plot is understandable given the character-driven nature of this piece…but it’s frequently very difficult to care about our lead (or any of the characters, honestly). Anders is the focus of our character study, but IDK if he really deserves our attention. He constantly makes bad decisions and rarely has to deal with the consequences. It’s frustrating to see him do everything except much-needed self-reflection to process his emotions. And Preston follows a similar pattern despite all of the support and love he receives from Edie Falco!

What I’m trying to say here is Edie Falco deserves a better fictional husband and son. And a better role, while we’re at it.

Would my blog wife take care of this one like it’s a pet turtle or drive away as quick as she can? Find out in her review here!

Horse Girl, or: Surrounded by Neigh-Sayers

It’s never a bad thing to see more films written and directed by women, especially during Feminist February. This week’s pick stars and was co-written by Netflix legend Alison Brie (of GLOW, BoJack, and the show we don’t talk about on Netflix, Community). Qualification for Feminist February met. Qualification for fun evening of light entertainment? Er…very much dependent on your definition of fun.

The Film:

Horse Girl

The Premise:

A familial history of mental illness and increasingly paranoid conspiracy theories take over the life of a quiet craft store employee and horse enthusiast.

The Ramble:

A quiet woman who keeps to herself, Sarah is a craft store employee by day, obsessive fan of the TV show Purgatory by night, and lover of horses at all hours. Though she is friendly with boss Molly Shannon and roommate Nikki, Sarah prefers to keep some distance between herself and others. At any given moment, it seems Sarah would much rather be spending time with the horse she used to ride or with her favorite TV characters.

When her birthday shakes her out of the usual routine, Sarah meets Darren, a friend of Nikki’s boyfriend. Both Sarah and Darren are rather awkward, with Darren droning on incessantly about concept albums and his horrible ex. Sarah, meanwhile, has been experiencing more and more strange symptoms–one of which is a nosebleed during their date. But Darren thinks Sarah is cute, and Sarah considers his name–shared with one of the lead characters of Purgatory–a sign that they’re meant to be.

After drinking too much and throwing up, Sarah has a strange dream in which she’s lying in a white room, two people sleeping on either side of her. When she wakes up the next morning, there are strange scratches on the walls, though Sarah has no recollection of how they got there.

Odd incidents begin happening more frequently during Sarah’s waking and dreaming life. Her car is stolen and, when it is found, the facts don’t quite add up. The key is in the car’s ignition, and the steering wheel lock sits unlocked on the passenger seat. Worried about the increasing number of times Sarah is forgetting things, she fears the mental illnesses that overtook her mother and grandmother’s lives may affect her too.

The alternative explanation that Sarah begins to embrace is that she is losing time due to alien abduction, and her vivid dreams are not dreams at all. Because she looks so much like her grandmother, Sarah begins to believe she is a clone created by aliens. When she sees the man from her dream in real life, Sarah becomes convinced her theory is the truth and is obsessed with tracking him down. She even goes as far as hiring his company to do unnecessary pipe replacement and follows him to his home one evening.

When she meets Darren for another date, Sarah begins explaining her theories to him, and their discussion turns more broadly to conspiracies. It’s only when Sarah shows Darren her mother’s grave and tells him they need to dig her up to compare their DNA that he realizes how deeply she believes in her own conspiracy theories.

After performing a series of rituals at home to trick the aliens, Sarah wanders into the craft store completely naked. She is taken into a psychiatric care facility, but only becomes more convinced that she’s been right all along during her stay there, and less able to distinguish between reality and dreams. Will psychiatric care help Sarah be well at this point…and does she even want to?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Alison Brie deserves so much credit for this role–as with many of the characters she plays, here a seemingly innocuous person is more complex and disturbed than she initially appears. Brie makes Sarah a sympathetic character whose odd behavior at the beginning of the film merely scratches the surface on the delusions and feelings she experiences later. And the extreme thoughts and feelings Sarah has are out of touch with reality, but they never feel laughable–they are unquestionably real to her.

This concept is what makes the film so compelling, and at times scary to watch. It’s very interested in asking to what extent biology is destiny: does the mental illness or trauma we inherit from our families predict our own dysfunction? And, perhaps more importantly, what does it mean to manage mental illness? Sarah’s delusions seem to give her a sense of real conviction for the first time in her life. It seems likely that her dedication to the show Purgatory and need for her life to have some sort of narrative structure plays a role in her willingness to believe in her own version of reality. But would her DNA have led her down the same path regardless?

The film itself can be difficult to follow at times, as its structure is somewhat loose, and uses this to blur the lines between dream and reality (and, honestly, the tone is quite wonky as well). This quality does keep things interesting as we continue to hope Sarah can heal; however, it’s increasingly impossible to imagine an ending in which she finds both peace and clarity. I feel fairly certain this film will haunt anyone who has experienced mental illness.

Would my blog wife don matching alien-proof body suits with this one or run away while it’s distracted with a marathon of Ancient Aliens? Read her review here to find out!