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Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Bigbug, or: The Robots Are Revolting

Free for all months on the Collab have the dubious distinction of providing some of our most memorable film experiences…along with some we’ve immediately forgotten. It’s rare we truly regret watching a film, particularly as there’s no better bonding experience than enjoying utter garbage together. Though this week’s film isn’t even close to the worst we’ve watched, it’s certainly not one that I’ll be giving a repeat viewing.

The Film:

Bigbug

Director:

Jean-Pierre Jeunet

The Premise:

Trapped inside a smart house, a group of humans attempt to escape as, unbeknownst to them, sinister AI machines seize power.

The Ramble:

In the year 2045, the world has become conveniently automated to the dystopian degree we’ve all come to expect. For recently divorced mother Alice, the household is run by Monique, an android who looks uncannily human, along with a handful of older models of household robots.

A robot, who looks like a human woman with gray hair, stands looking at herself in a mirror.

While the robots strive to be loved by the humans they serve and even long to be human themselves, self-aware AI known as Yonyx seek to replace their creators. The Yonyx oversee a strange reality show that features the humiliation and torture of humans, rather transparently enjoying this above all else.

Rather than show much concern for what’s happening in the world, the humans in this future are predictably wrapped up in their own dramas. As Alice attempts to move on from her ex with a sleazy man named Max, Monique can sense his intentions are less than noble. Largely for plot reasons, Max’s teenage son Leo is around for the evening as well.

In a colorful living room, a group of 5 adults and a teenager sit together.

Before the evening can get going, Alice’s ex-husband Victor crashes the party, bringing along their adopted daughter and his much younger fiancée, Jennifer. Rounding out the group is older neighbor Françoise and her dog–at least the sixth or seventh cloned version as the other ones have died horribly.

A man embraces a woman sitting in bed, with a group of robots surrounding the couple.

Things begin to go awry when, sensing elevated threat levels from outside, Alice’s smart home locks everyone inside. While Victor and Jennifer fret that they will miss their destination wedding on an artificial island, news reports reveal the Yonyx are taking increasing control over humanity.

As escape attempts fail one by one, the group finally secures an exit at the worst possible time…when a Yonyx arrives on site to “assess” the humans. What does fate have in store for human and robot alike, and even the world?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

I liked this one aesthetically and am willing to give it a lot of credit for that. The warm pastels and 1950s-inspired fashion suggest a false sense of contentment and peace, contrasting the cold mechanical appearance of the Yonyx. It is of course not a coincidence that the film is set exactly 100 years after the end of WWII, and the future of the world seems just as precarious here.

In light of this, the tone is super strange, making a lot of the humor feel inappropriate and empty at its core. The film needed to push things much further, either towards a darker or a more comically absurd message. Not a lot makes sense here, from the tone to the character motivations to the plot itself. There is way too much plot jampacked into the film, making things feel disjointed.

In addition, none of the characters are particularly likeable or interesting, and the film’s tacked-on ending is unsettling. The robots are perhaps the most compelling of anyone, but they don’t get a huge amount of screen time to express their personalities. What’s annoying is how little they follow any sort of consistent logic…which is largely because of the film’s message. However, as a sci-fi fan, this especially gets under my skin.

Would my blog wife summon this one for help or wipe its memory card without hesitation? Find out in her review!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, or: The Star Trek of Christmas Movies

To continue the subgenre of, er, classic(?) film, and without further ado…Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

The Film:

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

The Premise:

Martians kidnap Santa!  Because…their children need to enjoy childhood more?

The Uncondensed Version:

The Martians are facing a real but probably not instantly resolved problem—their children spend too much time watching TV and not enough time enjoying childhood.  These Earth TV programs are corrupting the youth, turning their minds to mush…you’ve heard it before.  This is in a society in which it’s considered totally appropriate to use sleep spray to send children to sleep (that’s a euphemism for chloroform, isn’t it?!?!?!).  Martians seem to be extremely open to the power of persuasion, so when they hear a news program suggesting Mars needs its own Santa, they decide to kidnap Santa.  Obviously.

two boys in matching blue costumes and helmets stand while a man dressed identically sits in the background
Why spend time with your Martian children when you can just kidnap an elderly man to make toys for them instead?

Throwing a wrench in this ingenious plan are (1) logic and (2) Voldar.  Logical gaps come in the form of the Martians turning on their radar shields only AFTER being detected, as well as kidnapping 2 Earth children…so they won’t tell the authorities and so no one will suspect Martians kidnapped Santa Claus.  WHAT.

Voldar is definitely the main antagonist here and honestly a bit of a hero.  He tells the children to their faces their theories are stupid, and is against the whole concept of children having fun, playing, enjoying life, etc.

a man with a moustache wears a helmet with a metal attachment
Exemplifying that the mustachioed character is always evil.

Although the children escape to warn Santa (even braving a fierce polar bear and, inexplicably, a robot Voldar tries to program to destroy them), it’s too late.  The Martians use their freeze rays to kidnap Santa and bring him back to Mars.  This, of course, begs the question of why the fuck you even need Santa when you have freeze rays.

close-up of a person in a polar bear costume
Terrifying.

Once aboard the ship, Santa comforts the children with a mix of dad jokes and rather sinister laughter.  What will happen next???  You know.  Believe me, you already know.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This one regularly makes worst movie lists…with good reason.  It’s like watching one of the cheesier episodes of Star Trek:  TOS (like that one where the costume designer wrapped a dog in a shaggy rug and called it an alien)–complete with horrible special effects, cheesy fight scenes, awful one-liners, a lead male putting odd emphasis on the word “sabotage,” and a simplistic message about morality that hits you over the head with a mallet.  Also like some of the worst Star Trek eps, this is bearable for only about half of its run time.  The first half is admittedly entertaining in an utterly cheesy, campy, and cringe-worthy kind of way.

It does get darker than I expected, as Voldar tries to throw Santa and the children out of the airlock.  Maybe this is just who I am, but I was totally rooting for the villain here.  The children are ANNOYING, and Santa’s blind faith in humanity is grating.  Was also hoping for some kind of horrible Santa vs. aliens fight scene.

Was my blog wife on board the UFO for this one, or was she tempted to throw it out of the airlock?  Read her review here to find out!