Book Review: The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms

Since Invasion of the Tearling was such a letdown, I’ve been searching for another fantasy series to get lost in.  Say hello to book 1 of N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance trilogy.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms

N.K. Jemisin

Total pages:  425

Btw, I exercise more caution about spoiling books than movies, but there are still a reasonable number of spoilers here.

Though The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms begins with a premise so worn in fantasy that you think you know exactly where it’s going, don’t worry–YOU DON’T.

Yeine is our narrator, a young Darr woman of color living in a warrior clan of low prestige in this world order.  She is far removed from the ruling class, the Arameri, who oversee all of the hundred thousand kingdoms.  Though her mother was Arameri, Yeine is deliberately ignored since she is the mixed race product of an Arameri/Darr marriage.  To put things in perspective, it’s not out of the ordinary for the Arameri to go full on Targaryen and marry their own siblings.  Gross.  They’re pretty fucking serious about keeping the bloodline “pure.”  Again, gross.

Also important information about the world in which this trilogy is set:  there are 3 main gods and many godlings, many of which live amongst humans or at least make the occasional appearance to mortals.  The 3 gods ruled together as siblings/lovers (word of caution:  you have to accept or at least acknowledge a lot of incest in this series) until the jealous god Itempas killed his sister Enefa and enslaved his brother Nahadoth.  Now basically all except Itempas and those godlings who sided with him are enslaved as Arameri servants.  It definitely blows to be a god if you’re not even omnipotent.

Anyway, Yeine’s story begins when she is thrust into courtly life as a result of her grandfather, ruler of the Arameri, naming her as one of his heirs.  You’ll note she is one of his heirs—the Arameri are pretty fucked up and conduct a Hunger Games­-style competition for power until only one heir remains.

So based on all of this, you may have several assumptions about where the plot is going (or at least I did).  These assumptions may include:  1.  Yeine will bond with her grandfather and finally feel like she has a real family.  2.  As a bonus, Yeine will get to know her mother better through heartwarming stories about her.  3.  The last heir standing will be Yeine.  All of these assumptions are wrong.

What we get instead is a court intrigue DRAMA, filled with conspiracies, betrayals, and straight-faced lies.  Yeine also has a serious flirtation going on with the Nightlord himself, Nahadoth.  I am basically always going to support a plot involving pursuing a relationship with a dark god because it makes me envision men with a shitload of eyeliner and I’m into that.

Yeine is amazing as a character and narrator, Nahadoth just sounds insanely attractive, and there are a handful of interesting minor characters thrown in too.  Jemisin provides extremely apt social commentary and leaves virtually no stone unturned on issues of race, gender, sexuality, religion, and socioeconomic status.  I loved this one so much I think it could stand on its own (and definitely recommend reading it).

The Rating:

5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Rubber: Tired of Waiting

First Film of BLOOD Month:

Rubber

Where to Watch:

Netflix, Hoopla

The Premise:

A tire goes on a killing rampage in the desert (Is the title of this post making you cringe now?).

The Trailer:

Doing my best to include a link to the trailer for movies I critique from now on, when possible.

The Uncondensed Version:

With this movie, the prologue is essential. Through the bizarre sequence of non-sequiturs that occur, we learn that, like many other things in both art and life, there is no reason. To begin with, a car drives up to a man standing in the desert holding a dozen or so pairs of binoculars. The car hits a series of chairs in the middle of the road, breaking them all; when it stops, a police officer steps out of the trunk of the car and begins his monologue to the camera about the lack of reason in a few films: ET, Love Story, JFK, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Pianist. He then empties a glass of water onto the sand and gets back in the trunk. After all of this, it is revealed there is a small group of people, who receive binoculars to watch the events about to unfold.

Probably not the wisest move in a desert.

First, there is life. Or at least animation. The tire gets up and starts rolling (by the way, my cat did NOT appreciate these sound effects).

The tire starts small, rolling over and crushing a water bottle, then a scorpion. It approaches a glass bottle that is not so easily destroyed. Not to worry—at this point, the tire discovers its telekinetic powers. Or, rather it discovers the ability to blow things up with its mind. So 2 important questions: 1. Is this a form of telekinesis? 2. Do tires have minds?

As the sun sets, the tire decides to rest. The audience goes to sleep as well. In the morning, the guy with the binoculars wakes them up and they continue to observe the tire blowing things up. It blows up a bunny, which is kind of sad.

The tire’s rampage is interrupted when a young woman in a convertible drives by. It’s kind of difficult to tell if the tire has a crush on her or wants to kill her. After the tire makes her car break down, it’s just about to catch up to her when a man in a pick-up truck drives by, hitting the tire. Now the tire is really enraged.

When it catches up to the pick-up truck guy, the tire makes his head explode.

BLOOOOOOOOD. EXPLOSIONS. I know this is what you’ve been suffering through this post for.

The tire then follows the girl in the convertible to a shady motel. Also in the motel is the binoculars guy, who is slaughtering a turkey in his room. What. He then brings the turkey to the audience members, who fight over their first meal in days (with the exception of this middle-aged guy in a wheelchair).

The tire is taking a shower when the maid comes in and throws it out. This is not wise.

We also meet the owner of the motel and his emo son. The emo kid puts 2 and 2 together, figuring out the tire is the murderer. Of course, no one listens to the emo kid.

Nobody understands me! The world is indifferent to my suffering! I wear this camo because I’m fighting a secret war against ALL of you!

As the police attempt to solve the murders, the policeman from earlier interrupts the scene and informs them the audience is dead; therefore, they can all go home now. Minutes later, he receives word that one spectator is still alive, so they have to continue with the production. The binoculars guy renews his efforts to get the guy in the wheelchair to eat something; instead, the binoculars guy eats the poisoned food and dies.

After the tire kills the emo kid’s dad, it’s on the run from the police. There is an extremely high speed chase with the tire that ends poorly for the police. The tire continues its rampage.

Later, the police locate the tire camped out in someone’s house and set up a trap for it. They attach a bomb to a mannequin, which they leave outside of the house. After they ring the doorbell, the girl in the convertible reads from a truly terrible script, encouraging the tire to blow up the mannequin. At this point, the guy in the wheelchair intervenes, telling the actors that this scene makes no sense.

Finally, the policeman goes into the house and shoots the tire. Then, in a shocking plot twist, the tire is reincarnated as a tricycle. The tricycle kills the guy in the wheelchair and rallies its fellow tires to take down Hollywood.

75% of these tires will be getting implants.

The Critique:

I don’t even know where to begin. This is a pretty funny movie, but it’s also so strange. I liked it, but it also endlessly confuses me.

The Rating:

I honestly have no clue if this is the smartest or the stupidest movie I’ve ever seen.

I’m going to have to break out half Pink Panther heads for this.

3.5/5 Pink Panther heads