Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Girls with Balls, or: Bump, Set, (Steel) Spike

One day you’re spiking balls and serving up aces, and the next day you’re dodging bullets and weird dudes who hide speakers in the woods. This week’s film reminds us of that simple time in our lives when we were innocent young teenagers; JK, high school is awful.

The Film:

Girls with Balls

The Premise:

The girls of a high school volleyball team lost in the woods must defend themselves against a group of dirtbag men out to kill them.

The Ramble:

According to our narrator and folksy French singing cowboy, the girls of the Falcons volleyball team are a tough bunch; unfortunately, they are also slated to die by the end of the film. Spoiler alert?

Two teen girls in matching uniforms stand face-to-face on a volleyball court.

Although the team is great at volleyball, the girls aren’t always as wonderful about caring for and supporting each other, as their coach laments. Good thing the trip back home will give the girls plenty of opportunity to bond as they drive along the countryside in a janky RV.

An RV with the Falcons' name and team colors painted on it parks outside of an ominous building surrounded by fog.

The girls run the full gamut of high school stereotypes: Hazuki, team captain; Morgane, the bitchy yet insecure queen bee; M.A., the timid and, er, fat(?) one; lesbian supercouple Dany and Tatiana; Jeanne, the modest overachiever, and her bff, Lise.

When it becomes clear that the team is no longer on the right track for home, the group stops at the world’s creepiest house, complete with many taxidermy animals ornamenting the walls and sinisterly silent bartender.

After he actually licks one of the girl’s faces, a fight erupts and the team leaves rather quickly. Opting to drive on and then stop to camp out for the night proves to be a fatal mistake (though it looks downright cozy): our head creep returns with a tiny dog and a mob of murderous henchmen. Forced to run, the girls split up as coach leaves them high and dry.

A man holding a small dog stands outside, a group of men holding rifles around him.

As the girls dodge murder, they have another danger to face: that of their past misdeeds and personal drama bubbling up. While the bodies pile up, so do the resentments. After many of the girls are captured or killed, it comes down to three remaining heroines to rescue them all. But will they even care about helping their teammates after all of the teenage drama they’ve suffered at their hands?

The Rating:

2/5 Pink Panther Heads

I give this film most credit for the final scene, honestly. Spoiler alert: I would so watch a sequel about the remaining volleyball team girls going around and beating up dirtbag dudes.

Most of the (admittedly short) runtime here just served to remind me how gross it is that so many films fetishize teenage girls. There’s a scene in which Morgane does a completely unnecessary table dance that made me so uncomfortable.

I did like some of the dynamics between the girls, but they spend so much of the film being incredibly awful to each other that it’s a bit difficult to stomach. A lot of the humor here just does not work; Lise does a striptease that isn’t intended to be sexy, though it is meant to be funny and is not at all. I wish the humor here had let us in on the joke instead of making me feel like this is the work of a misogynist making fun of (while also being turned on by) a bunch of high school girls.

Would my rugged blog wife save this one from a band of creeps or leave it to its horrible fate? Read her review here to find out!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Handsome Devil, or: Rugby, Bloody Rugby

I’m not going to lie: I watched season 2 of Derry Girls way too quickly and have so many regrets. Where will I get my fix of lovely Irish accents and teenage hijinks now??? Luckily, it’s free for all month on the Blog Collab, and this week’s film checks all of those boxes and then some. Including rugby…?

The Film:

Handsome Devil

The Premise:

As seemingly the only boy at his school not obsessed with rugby, Ned is a loner who definitely doesn’t care to befriend his new roommate, transfer student and team captain Connor.

The Ramble:

The new school year is beginning at an elite Irish boarding school, and loner Ned is less than thrilled. Openly gay and openly not a fan of rugby, Ned has very few fans and quite a few bullies. Though clever, Ned chooses a quiet life of underachieving rather than expending much effort in class. Instead of writing personal poems for class, he opts for using lyrics from ’70s and ’80s alternative rock songs his stuffy English teacher will never recognize.

A teenage boy sitting in a classroom holds a rugby ball disdainfully.

Things are looking up when Ned surprisingly gets his own room for the year; however, it’s not long before transfer student Connor becomes his roomie. Expelled from his previous school for fighting and immediately crowned rugby captain of the new school, it seems Connor and Ned will never get along, let alone become friends. Ned decides to preempt any rejection from Connor by putting up a wall dividing their two sides of the room.

When a new English teacher Mr. Sherry (played by Andrew Scott, Moriarty from Sherlock, Sexy Priest from Fleabag, and Irish dreamboat) arrives at the school, he brings some big changes. Taking no shit, Mr. Sherry makes it clear bullying and homophobia will not be tolerated–nor will Ned’s habit of using others’ voices instead of his own.

A teacher stands in front of a classroom, hands held open.

After Ned and Connor bond over their shared interest in music, Ned takes the wall down. The two finally become friends when Mr Sherry encourages them to enter a talent show. However, guitar practice begins to interfere with rugby practice, which does not please the team.

The distraction isn’t enough to set the team back, and the lads all go out for celebratory drinks after a win. Hoping to surprise Connor with his interest in the rugby team’s victory, Ned glimpses his roomie entering a gay bar. There, Connor runs into none other than Mr. Sherry cozying up with his partner. Mr. Sherry becomes something of a sounding board for Connor, and the relationship between the two is quite sweet.

A man and teenage boy in school uniform sit, facing straight ahead, on an empty train.

The school’s homophobic rugby coach is none too happy about all of this distracting Connor from his commitment to the team. As Connor is very much in the closet, coach (I can’t be bothered to look up his name) depends on his anxiety about being associated with his gay roomie in order to drive them apart. Connor leaves Ned hanging before their talent show performance, and thus shots are fired.

All of this changes during a pep rally in which Ned is targeted by the rugby team to cheer. Angry with Connor and the entire team, Ned outs his roommate to the whole school at this point.

After this incident, Ned is expelled and Connor goes missing. Is there any way for the friendship between these two roomies to bounce back after this?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

This is quite a sweet addition to the LGBTQ high school genre. I really appreciate that the message is about friendship and acceptance rather than the only two gay kids in school magically being perfect soulmates. Ned and Connor are great friends, but there is never a sense that being gay and roommates means they’re meant to be romantically involved.

I also appreciate the way the film handles multiple identities and the ways we belong to different groups because of and in spite of them. Sometimes opting out because your group, team, community is imperfect robs you of the opportunity to enjoy and improve them. And the teachers in this film have things to learn from their students, without (all of them) coming across as completely incompetent.

The oddness of the film is that it’s told from Ned’s perspective even though the story is mostly about Connor. This has potential as Ned is a cute ginger and certainly grows as a character throughout the course of the film; however, Connor comes through all of this looking much better and acting like less of a jerk. I don’t feel that Ned’s outing of Connor is set up well enough in the film, so Ned ultimately looks very petty and vindictive. Not okay to out someone, and especially not out of malice.

I think it goes without saying that Andrew Scott is great in this, though our two young leads deserve a lot of credit. BTW, Roose Bolton is in this, being appropriately scummy as the rugby-obsessed headmaster determined to recapture his youth. Just in case that convinces you to watch (or not watch).

Would my dream roomie sing a duet with this one or tackle it immediately? Find out in her review here!

a woman with long hair lies next to a woman with short hair
Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Yes or No, or: Honestly, Just Make a Decision

Pick a film about young love, they said.  It will be a refreshing romp with no cringey stereotypes about Mexican-Americans, they said (looking at you, Peppermint).  This is how we ended up with a film with significantly fewer racist vibes, but with way more indecision, teen angst, and heavy-handed gender norms.  Don’t get me wrong–there are some sweet moments in this week’s film, but I also would’ve welcomed just a touch of Jennifer Garner’s take-no-prisoners decisiveness for our leads here.

The Film:

Yes or No

The Premise:

A college student who is initially horrible to her tomboyish roommate is conflicted when she begins to develop romantic feelings for her.

The Ramble:

Pie is a college student who wears a lot of cute skirts, is close with her mom, and cares for a pet fish (named “Really” for some inexplicable reason).  Though she has a fun group of friends she rolls with, Pie can’t keep a roommate–she’s constantly annoyed by lights, sounds, and the lifestyles of her roomies.

When Pie meets her new roommate Kim, their relationship seems doomed to go from bad to worse.  Kim is a tomboy, and is very masculine in dress and appearance.  A true Millennial, Kim doesn’t like to label herself and has varied interests:  she cooks, plays ukulele, and grows plants in the dorm.

a woman sits at a desk writing while a woman in the background looks up at her from a book she's reading

Though Kim is a laid-back and considerate roommate, Pie is uncomfortable with her appearance and non-traditional gender norms in general.  Pie is super rude, making obnoxious comments about Kim looking like a boy and even drawing a dividing line in their shared room to keep their spaces separate.  But is Pie’s strong reaction to Kim’s style really about an extremely repressed attraction to her roomie?  Spoiler:  YES.

In return, Kim is basically the sweetest human being to live and too pure for this world.  Kim constantly brings Pie desserts from her aunt’s restaurant, shares the food she makes in the dorm, and even tidies up Pie’s side of the room.  When Kim sees Pie’s friend Jane crying in class after being dumped, she offers her a handkerchief.  This causes an aggravating love triangle that continues throughout the film, but is still a nice gesture.

a woman holding a pink pillow looks into a room while another girl watches her in irritation

Kim and Pie’s relationship finally reaches a turning point when Pie’s side of the dorm floods in a storm.  To make matters worse, the power goes out–and Kim is incredibly afraid of the dark.  While Kim bunks down on the floor and lets Pie sleep in her bed, Pie lights so many candles that it’s a fire hazard and distracts Kim from the dark.

two women dressed in white sit on the floor in front of a bedframe that holds many candles

Just as Pie and Kim are getting close, Pie’s boyfriend Van shows up out of the blue.  Or, rather, a boy Pie insists isn’t her boyfriend but effectively is.  Pie repeatedly dodges plans to go out with Van in favor of Kim, but before you feel too bad for him…he later manages to lose all sympathy when he says some nasty things to Kim about the natural order.

Meanwhile, Jane is increasingly attracted to Kim–a feeling which is very much unreciprocated.  It’s so awkward to watch, and there are times when I wanted to scream at Kim to just tell the poor girl she’s just not into her.  At all.

After an incredibly uncomfortable double date with Pie/Van and Kim/Jane, our two leading ladies get into a major fight.  You’d better believe there’s a really sweet make-up scene and FINALLY some action.

two women with wet hair hold each other's faces

Though Pie is ready to call Kim her girlfriend in secret, she’s not ready to make their relationship public.  When Pie’s mother comes to visit, she’s keen to hide her romantic feelings for Kim and doesn’t respond at all when her mother goes off about women who dress like men.  Hurt, Kim abruptly leaves, returning to her family’s farm.  Will Pie embrace her love for Kim or is it too late for this romance to blossom?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

OH MY GAWD, the angst.  The ANGST in this film.  It gets so tiresome watching Pie act like an asshole, be conflicted about her feelings, hurt Kim, and then make up with her.  I tried so hard to be sympathetic to Pie as she was experiencing feelings for the first time that her horrible mother told her were unnatural.  And I acknowledge that I am a shallow, food-motivated human, but Kim did nothing but give her cake–doesn’t that deserve at least a basic level of courtesy?

Also, poor Jane!  It hurts to see her throw herself at Kim all the damn time and, while obviously Kim doesn’t owe her affection, it would have saved a lot of pain if she’d just been upfront that she isn’t attracted to Jane.  There’s even a joke(?) about Jane’s suicide in this film, which is in extremely poor taste IMHO.

However, Kim as a character is everything (minus the whole Jane situation).  She’s so sweet and has not a malicious bone in her body even though people are pretty shitty to her throughout.  While she admits she’s attracted to Pie eventually, she doesn’t expect her to reciprocate.  She continues to do nice things for Pie because they’re friends and she’s, IDK, a nice human being.  Taking notes, bros of the world?

And I will admit the chemistry between our two leads is so good, and the sexual tension is intense.  This film seems to take a lot of cues from a K drama, drawing out the romance in those subtle touches and significant stares.  Effective this may be, but at a certain point I just wanted our leads to hook up already.

Would my blog wife bring this one slices of cake or move on with a firm no?  Read her review here to find out!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Whip It, or: The Bo City Rollers

Bookshop owner-operators, scantily clad entertainers at a sports bar, Texas roller derby girls–what else could these characters have in common but Feminist February?

The Film:

Whip It

The Premise:

When she secretly joins a roller derby team, teenaged Bliss finds a second family but puts her other relationships–and skeletal system–at risk.

The Ramble:

In addition to her rather unfortunate name, teenager Bliss has inherited the burden of her mother’s expectations:  specifically, her expectation that Bliss will take the beauty pageant scene by storm as her mother did.

After an incident with blue hair dye gone awry, it becomes clear that Bliss’s mother takes pageants much more seriously than her daughter.  In fact, even Bliss’s younger sister seems more excited about competing despite her young age.

Though stuck in the small Texas town of Boden, it’s not all bad.  Bliss has her fellow waitress and bff Pash to keep her company and get into all of the best kinds of trouble with.  As long as she has her bestie, Bliss seems resigned to her fate as a perpetual beauty contestant.

two girls at a diner talk next to the bar, both wearing pink aprons with pig faces on them

That is, until one day while shopping with her mother, Bliss sees a group of giggling women swan in on roller skates.  From flyers they pass around, Bliss learns these are derby girls and decides she will find a way to get to the derby in Austin.

Under the guise of attending a high school football game, Bliss and Pash drive to Austin to check out the roller derby.  Bliss is immediately interested in both the sport and a generically cute guy.  After derby girl Maggie Mayhem invites Bliss to try out on Tuesday, she schemes to cover up her absence with her parents, find a route to Austin via public transport, and conveniently forget the rule that players must be at least 21.

Trying out for the Hurl Scouts is no cake walk–the women are fast, intense, and fully ready to body check competitors in this contact sport.  As a speedy skater, Bliss is a perfect contender for the role of jammer, the only one on each team who can score points.  The jammers will attempt to lap the other team members, scoring a point for each lap.  Fellow team members will help their jammer along while trying to sabotage the other team’s jammer–frequently with physical contact that can leave a vicious bruise.

two women in helmets crouch next to each other, preparing to race in a roller derby rink

Despite Bliss’s speed, she timidly avoids altercations with her competitors–kind of a problem in a contact sport.  However, she does join the team and earn her derby girl name, Babe Ruthless.

It’s only after joining the team that Bliss learns the Hurl Scouts are notorious in the league as constant losers.  As the song goes, girls just wanna have fun, and the team really leans into its reputation.  They certainly aren’t improving their odds by ignoring their long-suffering coach and refusing to carry out the plays from his painstakingly created play book.

While bonding with the team after hours, Bliss runs into the cute guy again at a party.  She learns that he, like every other 20-something dude since the beginning of time, is in a shitty band that thinks it’s destined for greatness.  Oliver, which I think is actually a nice name and better than this dude deserves, and his band do seem to have some success as they do have an album.

a teenage boy and girl lie next to each other on the hood of a car parked by a field

With Bliss as jammer and the coach’s plays guiding their games, the Hurl Scouts begin to enjoy success too, winning against some of the other teams for the first time ever.  Everything seems to be falling into place for Bliss, who also gets serious with Oliver in an underwater sex scene that looks logistically very difficult to accomplish.

a group of women toast a teenage girl at a diner, holding up a poster of her

However, things inevitably begin to unravel after the police break up a derby that violates fire safety regulations.  Caught with beer in hand, Pash is arrested.  Bliss, who escapes with Oliver, doesn’t realize the trouble her bff is in.  To make matters worse, Bliss’s parents learn the truth about her roller derby nights as a result, Bliss’s rival Iron Maven discovers that her fiercest competitor is just 17, and Oliver will shortly be off on tour with the band.

Having alienated everyone she cares about and put the Hurl Scouts’ chance at victory in jeopardy, will Bliss be able to make things right while following her dreams?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

The cast here is absolutely stellar:  Ellen Page (even though she sometimes falls into the trap of playing the same character over and over again), Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig, Eve, Alia Shawkat, Drew Barrymore…I could go on.  Additionally, this is Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut.  Not sure if Drew decided against sitting in the director’s chair again because I can’t think of another reason we live in a world with no more director credits for her.

As well as Bliss’s coming of age story, I love the focus on the ladies here and their relationships.  Bliss and Pash’s relationship is everything to me, and the rapport among the Hurl Scouts is so uplifting.  The film approaches Bliss’s difficult relationship with her mother realistically but doesn’t paint Brooke as a one-dimensional monster, which is refreshing.  As for the men, if you’re not here to support Bliss, you’re not welcome at all.  Men are definitely on the sidelines in this film.

However, there are a few issues that stood out to me with the film too.  The entire storyline with Oliver feels unnecessary.  I know the sexual awakening scene is basically a requirement of any coming-of-age film now, but I gave zero fucks about it.  At least this film doesn’t idealize teenage romance with what is essentially a mediocre white dude who plays guitar slightly above average.

I also felt like I was missing some further explanation of Brooke’s insistence on Bliss’s beauty pageant participation and opposition to roller derby.  Is the pageant supposed to pay for Bliss to attend college?  Did pageants mean so much to Brooke that she thinks it’s important for Bliss to carry on the tradition?  I would’ve liked a bit more depth as the (spoiler) reversal of her parents’ strong anti-derby stance feels a little too convenient.

The roller derby name “Jabba the Slut” deserves its own corner of appreciation, though.

Would my blog wife roll with this one or knock it out of the ring?  Find out by reading her review here!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Ouija: Origin of Evil, or: Spirit of the ’60s

I’m so happy it’s Horror Month on the blog.  Not so happy that this week’s film features incredibly creepy children, but you can’t win ’em all.  At least we’ve got some fab ’60s style to go along with it.

The Film:

Ouija: Origin of Evil

The Premise:

Evil originates.  Through a Ouija board.  In the 1960s.

The Ramble:

Alice is a 1960s mom trying to make ends meet–so what if that involves tricking people into believing their deceased relatives are communicating to them from beyond the grave?  As far as I’m concerned, Alice earns every penny as she’s put some serious creativity and intense detail into the whole endeavor.

Since the death of her husband, Alice is raising moody and extremely skeptical Lina, along with the younger Doris, who desperately wants to reconnect with her father.

One evening, Lina and her rebellious friends bust open the liquor cabinet and use a Ouija board to talk to the spirits of the dead…spooky!  Despite Lina’s eye rolling, the group is genuinely freaked out until they are interrupted by the arrival of parentals.  After a stern talking to, Alice concedes that Ouija is all the rage and decides to add it to her skill set.

Four teens sit on the floor in the dark, using their fingers to guide a Ouija board.

Meanwhile, Lina has agreed to attend the Homecoming dance with her friend Mikey.  When Mikey comes over to walk Lina to school, Alice gives him a stern talking-to and makes sure he understands how short his lifeline will be if he hurts Lina in any way.

At school, Doris is tormented by a couple of nasty little boys.  The head of their school, Father Tom, manages to earn some major points with Alice when he intervenes and cheers up Doris.  Though there seems to be something between Alice and Father Tom, it’s too bad since he’s married to the church and such.

As she practices with the Ouija board, Alice makes the rookie mistake of using the board alone and doesn’t say goodbye to the spirit.  Things get eerie when Doris begins responding to Alice’s questions from the 2nd floor of the house…creepy!  Even worse, Doris completes homework in beautiful cursive with the help of her “friend.”

A woman in a floral dress stands in a residential neighborhood, her teenage and young daughter behind her.

Though skeptical at first, Alice begins to believe Doris is able to speak to the dead when she claims her father is communicating with her, providing details Doris couldn’t possibly know on her own.  After finding a hidden stash of money and saving the house from foreclosure, Doris and her new talent prove very lucrative indeed.

However, it should surprise no one when Doris gets even more fucking creepy, using her mind to turn a bully’s mean prank against him, describing in detail to Mikey what it’s like to die by choking to death, and sewing a doll’s mouth shut to stop the voices.  Give that child over to the state, lady.

A young girl wearing a school uniform stares menacingly ahead.

After Lina brings Father Tom’s attention to letters Doris has mysteriously written in fluent Polish, the priest visits the house in the guise of connecting to his deceased wife.  What this Ouija session reveals is the frightening and rather confusing truth about who is really reaching out from the other side.

How many will still be on the side of the living by the time the credits roll?

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

This isn’t a bad film, but doesn’t strike me as particularly memorable.  Initially quite watchable, the amount of time spent on setting the scene becomes tedious after a while.  Even though we spend a lot of time with our main 3 characters, I still didn’t really care about what happened to any of them.

I do love a period drama, though, and the ’60s details are absolutely gorgeous.  Doris is ridiculously creepy, but it’s not enough to hold the film together.

Would my blog wife’s spirit possess this one or search for a more worthy host elsewhere?  Find out in her review here!

Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Sierra Burgess Is a Loser, or: Stranger Teens

Another week, another film that’s just whatever we feel like.  This week brings us to perhaps the only place as scary as our current political climate:  high school.

The Film:

Sierra Burgess Is a Loser

The Premise:

In a case of mistaken identity, band nerd Sierra begins a relationship via text with with popular yet sensitive quarterback Jamey.

The Ramble:

In the high school pecking order, Sierra Burgess is…well, nowhere near the top of the pyramid.  A legacy student at her exclusive high school, Sierra is smart and ambitious, but her insecurities are holding her back.  With a mother who is gorgeous and successful, and a father who is a writer of some renown, Sierra lives in the shadow of her parents.

Though Sierra is a talented writer and student of literature, she feels perpetually insufficient.  And, despite her good grades and involvement with the marching band, Sierra doesn’t stand out enough to make it to her dream school, Stanford.

a teen girl and boy sit next to each other in a school science lab

After resident mean girl Veronica gives new quarterback Jamey Sierra’s number, chaos ensues.  Jamey, believing he has Veronica’s number, strikes up a conversation via text.  Sierra, realizing Jamey has texted her mistakenly, decides to have fun with this and keep up the ruse.

Sierra’s impulsive decision becomes a lot more sustainable after Veronica’s college boyfriend breaks up with her.  When Sierra comforts her, she has a proposition:  Sierra will tutor Veronica to help her impress her ex, while Veronica will help Sierra keep up the charade.

As Sierra tutors Veronica, she realizes a difficult home life has made studying nearly impossible so far.  Veronica’s mother constantly body shames her and reminds her to be pretty for the boys.  Meanwhile, Veronica’s sisters, child beauty pageant contestants, are free to run wild and screaming around the house.  Sierra does manage to impart some sage advice anyway, such as that Nietzsche is comparable to a sexy German vampire.

two teen girls sit in a bedroom, one quizzing the other for a test

In exchange, Veronica provides selfies, Face Time sessions, and even a date IRL.  The whole premise becomes implausible so quickly, especially when Sierra switches places with Veronica and smooches Jamey without him noticing.  Seriously, dude, this is how people die in horror movies.

a teen boy in a school hallway holds a cellphone to his ear

However unlikely it may be, the plan is more or less working out.  Though Sierra repeatedly tells herself she will tell Jamey the truth, she continues to delay the inevitable.  The truth does out in an especially ugly way after Sierra witnesses a kiss between Jamey and Veronica.  As Sierra and Veronica have become good friends, Sierra feels utterly betrayed and lashes out in a very public arena.

Can Sierra make things right with Veronica and Jamey?  Can she beat the odds and get into Stanford?  Will she be able to embrace her gift with words?  Spoiler:  this isn’t exactly the kind of a film with a shocking twist ending.

The Rating:

3/5 Pink Panther Heads

Ugh, teens.

I got really hung up (no pun intended) on Veronica’s ability to recall Sierra’s phone number from memory just to fuck with her.  Do you know anyone’s phone number at this point, let alone the phone number of someone you disdain utterly?

Also Jamey is straight up boring.  Sierra and Veronica’s relationship is way more compelling.  Even though I am in favor of strong female friendships that have no romantic undertones whatsoever, I am also strongly in favor of non-heteronormative relationships, and Sierra/Veronica have way more chemistry than Sierra/Jamey.  If the so-called gay agenda is to steal romantic films for their own stories, they have succeeded.  Hetero love is boring.

Perhaps the larger problem is how fucking creepy Sierra’s actions are.  In the age of internet dating where people (looking at you, men) deliberately mislead others and perpetrate acts of violence, Sierra’s choices feel especially problematic.  At a certain point, Sierra goes from sweet and awkward to manipulative and sketchy AF.  And even though the message is to some degree about not judging others based on their appearance, Jamey’s looks are initially the only thing Sierra knows about him.

In conclusion, I’m way too cynical for this shit.

Would my blog wife text this one back or ghost its creepy ass?  Read her review here to find out!

a red food truck drives across a desert landscape
Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

Atomic Falafel, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Noms

Appropriately for March Madness, this week’s film is about what happens when petty, short-sighted megalomaniacs control frighteningly destructive weapons in ways that are in no way reflective of the reality we currently live in.

The Film:

Atomic Falafel

The Premise:

With Iran and Israel on the brink of nuclear war, it’s up to two teen girls, a hacker, a German, and a falafel truck to save the world.

The Ramble:

Present-day Israel.  Secret underground bunker.  Scale model of the desert with…toy planes?  Though all of the elements of a spy thriller are there (including sinister eye patches and intimidating beards), it’s clear early on that the men assembled are a bunch of bumbling fools.  Unfortunately, they may be just unhinged enough to end life on Earth as we know it.

A man in military uniform with an eye patch and facial hair sits next to a man in a suit. A sandbox with miniature tanks is in front of them, and screens depicting satellite images are behind them.
You know you’re one of the good guys if you have an eye patch AND well-groomed facial hair.

Convinced of Iran’s plans to unleash nuclear war, the Israeli military decides they must strike first with their own secret nuclear weapons.  The catch?  They have only a matter of days to strike, and must first survive a visit from a UN-type committee examining their nuclear facilities.  The plan is to fool the inspectors and then proceed to annihilating Iran (and likely a significant chunk of other countries in the process).

Ha ha ha…ha?

Since we’ve taken care of the “atomic” part of the title, on to the falafel.  Mimi and her teenage daughter, Nofar, run a falafel truck whose main business comes from following the military around during maneuvers and offering the only meal option for miles around.  Pretty nifty strategy.

a teenage girl with glasses glares while standing next to a smiling woman
Gilmore Girls I guess?  But with falafel?

Helping with the business is taking a toll on Nofar, who is falling behind in class,  letting her short temper get the best of her, and making no progress with her cautious hacker boyfriend.  In an effort to distract Mimi from her daughter’s shortcomings, Nofar is determined to set her up with a new man.

Enter Oli, stage right–the German member of the visiting committee and, coincidentally, the only moderately good looking one.  After Mimi’s overly spicy food sends Oli to the hospital, he conveniently recovers at her house.  While Mimi and Oli bond, they are unaware that the Israeli government wants Oli out ASAP, even attempting to blackmail Mimi into persuading him to leave.

a teenage girl greets a man with a fist bump as a woman looks on
The fist bump:  a universal symbol of human bonding.

Meanwhile, Nofar has befriended Sharareh, a teen girl who has recently moved to a small town in Iran.  Initially trying to get help with her family tree project, Nofar really connects with Sharareh and discovers she’s an aspiring rapper.

a teenage girl holds a microphone to her mouth with sound recording equipment on a computer behind her
And has a pretty sweet recording studio set up in her room.

It just gets even more bananas from here on out, with government officials hacking into Nofar’s Facebook account in an attempt to humiliate her.  She gets the last laugh when a CD with important codes falls into her hands.  That is, until she realizes that just as Israel plans to strike in a matter of days, Iran will do the same.  Worse, Israel will strike Sharareh’s hometown.

How will this group of meddling kids prevent nuclear disaster when they’re the only ones acting like adults?

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

Taking many cues from Dr. Strangelove, this film is a fun, silly romp.  I half expected several characters to tear off their masks to reveal Peter Sellers.  However, this is significantly more optimistic with some moments of very dark humor and absurd satire.

This may also be the most positive depiction of social media I’ve ever seen on screen.  Facebook and even this sort of Chatroulette type thing where Nofar and Sharareh meet have the power to bring people together across difference here, rather than devolving into the usual festering mass of extremist hate groups we all know and love.

I should’ve jumped on this film when it came out as it would’ve been funnier 3 years ago–or really at any point when the US leadership wasn’t threatening other unhinged narcissists with annihilation every other week.

I honestly do believe if anything can bring us world peace, it’s falafel.

Would my Queen of Falafel go back for seconds or push the big red button instead?  Read her review here to find out!