Collaborative Blogging, Film Reviews

The Christmas Collab: The Mistle-tones!

Second feature in the Christmas Collab, and I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. I will do that…eventually. THANK GOD Christa brought made-for-TV movies into our holiday theme. It makes me wonder why we don’t watch bad TV movies all day, every day b/c I could. I really, really could.

See if Christa is in agreement on her blog!

The Film:

The Mistle-tones!

Where to Watch:

Netflix (US)

The Premise:

Tori Spelling and Tia Mowry are in this and it’s an ABC Family original movie. This immediately appeals to you or repulses you—there is no in between.

The Uncondensed Version:

Tia Mowry has the cringe-worthy name Holly, which is, coincidentally, the name of all women in made-for-TV Christmas movies. So Holly is auditioning for the Snow Belles, a sort of holiday glee club(?). IDK, guys, this film made me realize how limited my knowledge of song-and-dance group terminology is.

Biggest point of interest at this point is that Holly has a cat who is, naturally, an asshole.

A ginger cat rests its paw near the handle on a toilet.
Okay, but as we learned from Meet the Parents, it is actually impossible for a cat to flush a toilet.

Due to cat-related obstacles, Holly is late for auditions, and Tori Spelling is not an understanding Snow Belle. You know she’s going to be a bitch because she has a tiny dog and winks a lot.

A blonde woman standing in a church holds a small dog, wearing a fur hat and looking intensely at an off-screen character.
See also: Cruella DeVille-esque hat.

On a side note, it’s really weird to see Tia without Tamera. At this point I Googled the Mowrys, and holy shit, Tia and Tamera are 37?!??!? They look half that age. And apparently Tamera is too busy hosting a talk show to do made-for-TV Christmas features.

Actress Tamera Mowry drives a car in a scene.
Thought: If Tia and Tamera Mowry decided to switch lives, how would anyone know???

So Holly gets rejected from the Snow Belles and decides to start her own holiday-themed group so she, too, can feel that sense of fulfillment when she and her group get to perform at the mall. It’s somewhat refreshing that this is a film about, among other things, setting achievable goals.

Except the part about dating your boss (which I’ll get to later).

Holly asks the manager of the mall for the honor of singing in the mall, which leads to his brilliant idea of holding American Idol-style auditions in ONE WEEK. This sounds like an absolute nightmare to coordinate, especially if he already has a group booked for whatever holiday event this is. I just feel this is probably a misrepresentation of mall leadership and really any leadership, which takes the path of least resistance when at all possible.

But let’s put that aside. Holly recruits all of the office nerds to join the group, but they are missing that certain je ne sais quoi. Luckily, she stumbles across a karaoke bar, where she discovers serious boss man Nick embracing a free-spirited karaoke persona. It’s like a really tame version of Coyote Ugly with comparable levels of shame—Nick fears anyone at work ever knowing his terrible karaoke secret.

Two women stand on either side of a man standing on a bar in a crowded room, singing karaoke passionately.

Holly blackmails Nick into becoming the group’s…project manager, essentially. All he really tells them is that they have to work together and sell their performance. Basically things you can take away from watching Wall Street for 10 minutes.

This part of the movie is like watching Glee with worse dancing but a more believable plot. As indicated earlier in this review, there is a developing relationship between Holly and Nick, which if not in violation of policy is probably frowned upon by the company.

All of this is complicated when Tori offers Holly a spot in the Snow Belles, Holly and Nick make out at the staff Christmas party, Nick receives a promotion to the Southeast Asia division, and the Snow Belles perform a rather convincing rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You.”

In terms of the ending, it’s approximately 30x cheesier than you are imagining. If you made a grilled cheese entirely out of cheese slices, and put more cheese on those slices, it could not be cheesier than this film’s conclusion.

The Rating:

3.5/5 Pink Panther Heads

It’s like any high school movie ever made except no one stops drinking wine.  Which pairs nicely with cheese, so I’m not complaining.

Undoubtedly Christa’s review would make the Snow Belles. Read it here!